no freedom whatsoever!!!

Melody - posted on 06/30/2009 ( 54 moms have responded )

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im 19 years old and i have a 3 month old son. I got married last december to my husband who is now 25, but we have been having some issues. i know im married and a mother but i feel that i should be given time to have some fun, seeing as im so young, my husband does not agree with this. he says i should not be able to go out untill our son is 6 months old and that i am just being selfish. he however does what he wants, if he wants to go out he does. should i talk 2 him about this or am i just bein selfish as a mother and wife???

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[deleted account]

-Good Job, should have thought about this prior to the marriage and getting pregnant. Divorce. Give him Custody. Don't complain. No one forced you to do this. There's plenty of regrettful, poor poor pitiful me moms out there. Grow up. Or hey, you could end up like most of those women, resentful of their children although it was all their fault to begin with. There are a ton of women out there begging and praying everyday to have children. Now you have one and want your freedom back. You make me sick.

Karen - posted on 06/30/2009

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hubby is right.....when you concieved that baby your "fun" became a huge responsibility to that baby. Try to find a group of women in your area that get together and share experiences with each other. Try a "Mommy and Me" group.

Brittany - posted on 06/30/2009

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I basically have the same problem. im 19 and my boyfriend is also 19. I had him when we were both 18. He always wants to go out with his friends and go racing, and im at home with the baby which is 10 months old. I also work, and he does not have a job. I get frustrated because he does not understand that i need a break. he gets mad when he has to watch him and tries to come up with every excuse. we fight all the time over this and it is ruining our relationship. its not like i want to go party, just i want to maybe go to my parents house for once with out the baby or go to the store with out bringing him. i usually dont mind bring my son with, but every now and then i need a break from being a mommy.

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Janice - posted on 09/14/2011

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I think that your kid(s) depend on you...that means a lot more than just feeding, changing, and physically taking care of them. Your emotional health effects your child. If you are unhappy your baby can feel it. I think that you should talk to your husband in a calm manner. Come to an agreement on having time to yourselves for fun and spending time together away from the baby. It's not easy...but needs to be done. My husband and I had plenty of conversations about me, he, and us getting out. We still do - it's an ongoing conversation that requires compromise and planning.

Mel - posted on 07/03/2009

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no you definately need to get away from the baby. it will do your head in trust me not a good idea to be around kids 24/7 with no break. i have done it basically this whole 15 months and recently when she was in hospital i got 2 nites home by myself while my partner was there it was so good i could watch tv at the volume i want without worrying about waking the baby stay up til whnever because all i had to do in the moring was get up at 6 and jump in the car and drive to the hospital and it was jst so good to not have to worry about the baby in the house. you need your time out. mypartner does not get it either. men dont and they never will. try explain it to him or get someone else to do it maybe a child health nurse or counsellor

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I have to say that : you are a mother & a wife but you are a human as well, if you don't "get away" and have some fun you will become resentful & bitter.. Your husband needs to take the baby & let you go see friends or go out to the mall or whatever it is... take time for your... Is your baby breastfed? if so.. pump some milk & put it away for your time out... Your husband should be responsible enough to take care of the baby when you need some "mommy/Wife" time out.... Be patient but don't give up on it.. you sound like your a bit bitter already... you feel trapped... you have to make him understand that even if you go out... you are still a mother & a wife... :-)

Vicki - posted on 07/02/2009

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Marriage is a partnership. Both of you need equal access to your resources and equitable division of your work load. This includes money, sleep, free time, chore time, childcare etc. All of these things need to be negotiated into a fair deal that you are both happy with. Sounds like he's getting all the free time and you're getting none. Don't let him think that's the way you roll, or it will just continue until you are resentful and he thinks he can expect you to give him most of your precious resources.

Krista - posted on 07/02/2009

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well, alone time, me time, fun time, other than mother or wife time is really important. I think if you are deprived of this you end up resenting whoever you feel is stopping you from getting it, whether that's your baby or husband. and resentment is a terrible thing to feel.
my suggestion... try to do as much as you can with your baby, don't just stay at home because it's easy, leave the dishes and go and visit a friend...if it's the nightlife you want, well, if you're breastfeeding, you shouldnt be drinking in excess, but that doesnt mean you cant go out for a drink and some dancing with your girls and be home again in a couple hours for the next feeding. Im sure your husband can handle watching a movie while your baby sleeps.
my other suggestion.... just remember a 3 month old baby is very dependent on his/ her mother and that at times is hard. But in a few months they're crawling, then walking, then talking and then not a baby anymore, and when that happens all you want is to be able to hold them like when they were a baby... so enjoy you're little baby monster while you can because soon he'll be a big monster and you will have to chase him everywhere.

Melanie - posted on 07/02/2009

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I believe you have every right to have time to yourself and believe me I have walked in your shoes as my boyfriend believes that my place is in the home. Oh except when I go to work. Melody your age has nothing to do with it.I am 34 yrs. old and we have only 1 child and I still go out at least once a week and if her dad won't watch her I have a very good friend that does.You need time away or you will grow to resent your husband and child.Parenting is not easy but you both chose to be parents not just you.talk to him if he won't listen get a babysitter and go have fun!Good Luck

Carrie - posted on 07/02/2009

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First of all, you are NOT selfish for wanting some time to yourself! My suggestion would be that you do talk to him about maybe getting away to go shopping for a couple of hours during the day when the the baby is napping. If you have not done so already, you will be able to get the baby on a good nap schedule very soon and be able to plan things a little better. What I have learned is that small periods of time away is better. When I first child was born, my husband felt nervous about being home alone with our daughter. On some level perhaps your husband is feeling the same way as my husband did and because he is older than you is afraid to admit to that. Whatever the case, you should keep the lines of communication open between the two of you. Marriage is work and it is give and take. You deserve to be happy too. Hang in there. Take what you can get. If you are not able to get out, perhaps take victory in being able to take a nice, long bath after the baby goes to sleep or workout at home and consider that as part of "your" time. Your husband and you should also still spend quality time together. That is very important. Just because the two of you are responsible for another human being does not mean that you should lose sight of what brought the two of you together in the first place. Be patient. It will work out.

[deleted account]

Quoting Sharon:



Quoting Alyssa:

Could some of this be stemming from the fact that the baby is so young? He may just be nervous about being responsible while you are gone, especially if he's never had any experience before. This may also explain the "6 month" rule. If he is involved in smaller ways, i.e. bath time, feeding, or if you start by just going to the store alone, or something quick like that, he may feel more comfortable with you being gone for an evening, and you'll feel better just even having that break. Hope this helps!






This is a valid point.  Perhaps the dad is simply nervous or afriad to be responsible or in charge for a short time frame because he does not know how to actually parent a tiny infant.  Again, it goes back to communication about parenting roles & expectations, and equality in child rearing.  The dad needs to learn how to be a dad.  Melody, the original poster, needs time to herself regardless of her age!  Any mother of any age needs some time to herself every now and then whether it's enjoying a night out with friends or just an escape from the kids.  If you happen to be one of those moms who don't feel that need to have any free time, then that's great and it obviously works well for you! 





I think this is good advice too. My hubby just assumed that the baby was my resposibility but it was mostly because he wasnt confident about caring for her on his own even for short periods of time (odd that he thought it was any easier for me to learn it than for him). I started making him give her feeds then added nappy duties and built up to bath and bed times. His mum took me away to a womens only retreat last weekend and he freaked a little but we put the other grandparents on notice if he needed it and he survived the weekend with all of his hair and the confidence that he can actually take care of his own daughter :)

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Bugger that! You may be a wife and mum but thats not ALL you are. I still need time for myself too. I think to assume that he needs time and that you dont is completely absurd. Yes - you need to be there for him and your child but then he also needs to be there for you and his child too. As long as you arent being unreasonable about the amount of time that you want to go out without either of them then I dont understand how needing some time to just be you without having to have the baby at the forefront of your thoughts is selfish. Even when I do manage to get time out childfree I still find that my choice in activity is affected by my role as a Mum because I always have her in the back of my mind anyway. Point his hypocrisy out to him and let him know that it is not acceptable. Do not feel bad because you have needs outside of your role as wife and mother they do not totally define you and they do not totally define many people.

Natalie - posted on 07/02/2009

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im reading some comments and thinking where do some people get off? telling her - . (Now you have one and want your freedom back. You make me sick.)???? whats wrong with you? if she wants a break she should be able to have one. its not up to any of you. and im sure she doesnt mean going clubbing and getting drunk every single night, so for gods sake some of you are making out its the end of the world that she wants a couple of hours off!!!!

Lorraine - posted on 07/02/2009

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Quoting Brittany:

I basically have the same problem. im 19 and my boyfriend is also 19. I had him when we were both 18. He always wants to go out with his friends and go racing, and im at home with the baby which is 10 months old. I also work, and he does not have a job. I get frustrated because he does not understand that i need a break. he gets mad when he has to watch him and tries to come up with every excuse. we fight all the time over this and it is ruining our relationship. its not like i want to go party, just i want to maybe go to my parents house for once with out the baby or go to the store with out bringing him. i usually dont mind bring my son with, but every now and then i need a break from being a mommy.


well you need to tell his ass to get a job! you are a new mom and should not be expected to work to support a man who sits on his ass while you should be at home enjoying the time you have with your baby. if it were me I would kick his ass to the curb. who needs to drag around dead weight. you obviously care for the baby by your self anyway, might as well dump him and try to find a decent man who doesnt belive that his significant other has to support him and who would be more than happy to help with your son. I had my first at 19 and the dad was 22 at the time , we are still together and he is the best dad. he might not help much around the house but he tries to in his own way, he studies and works and he plays with our kids so I can study or go out.  he is happy to go without so that his girls (me and the 2 kids) can have what we want.



reading stuff like this makes me really greatful.

Lorraine - posted on 07/02/2009

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it depends by what you mean go out. do you mean like to the mall or lunch with a few girl friends or do you mean to booze it up at the clubs every weekend. if you are talking about going shopping once and a while than yes you have the right but if you are talking baout hanging at the club, crashing house parties and being reckless than no you dont have the right. as mothers we make choices and the choices should be to benefit the child. moms need breaks away from the kids for a few hours but that does not give us the right to be irresponsible and drink our selves stupid even just ocasionaly.

when I go out it is to get away from the house not to get away from my kids. we go to the mall, go to lunch ect the only time I go alone is once a week with my husband on our weekly date of dinner and a movie. we leave at 8 pm when both kids are sleeping and are back by midnight. I would never take off to a bar with friends. when you get married and become a mom your priorities change and it should not matter if you are 12 or 50 when you have your baby. you have a baby young so you give up your youth, its just part of it.

JACKIE - posted on 07/01/2009

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You definitely are not being selfish. We all need some time out to relax, and enjoy ourselves. Yes we are Mums but we are still individuals. Ladies I run my own business calles Slumber Parties by Jackie and it is adult party plan for women 18+ only. No Men and No Children. Do you know that the best part about my job is to come into your homes and do a tastefull presentation for you and your girlfriends. Believe me the men are kicking you out the door. Believe me I can boost your esteem. www.slumberpartiesbyjackiescarborough.com call me today.

[deleted account]

I think that even if it is running to the grocery store or running errands having sometime away is a good thing it allows your mind as well as body a chance to take a deep breath and relax...at the least go out to the car and listne to some music for 15 minutes...YOU ARE ENTITLED TO HAVE SOME YOU TIME escpecially if you are a FT student or a stay at home mom

Stephani - posted on 07/01/2009

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You should NEVER think you are being selfish!! Mothers need time to themselves! It's all about the frequency of alone time! If you are leaving your kids every day to go out and party then yeah it's an issue but if you want to go out once a month who cares! I know how you feel though I'm 21 and I have 3 kids between me and my bf 2 are mine 3rd is his from previous woman. I gets very stressful and I know you feel like you've missed out on a lot but all I can tell you is that we made a choice to be mothers so we should live up to that but you are not wrong for wanting to go out. Your man needs a reality check let him do your duties for one week and you do his. He'll probably switch his thinking real quick! I suggest talking about it but I also kind of get the feeling that you are questioning your choice about marriage. If you are uncertain about the whole situation then maybe you need to step back and think about the big picture not just the going out problem! Good luck I wish you the best! Remember what ever you decide it should be what's best for #1 which is you and baby!

[deleted account]

Of course you love your baby, Melody! No one questions that at all. Have you had the chance to talk to your husband about this issue yet? It will just boil inside of you until you explode if you don't communicate. You have also acknowledged that the parenting is unequal, so it's vital to talk out the problems. Please feel free to email me if you like!

Melody - posted on 07/01/2009

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dont get me wrong its not that i dont love spending time with my son-because i do, its been the best three months of my life- its just that i went into motherhood thinking that our partnership was EQUAL but obviously its not. sometimes things just get on top of me and i dont see why im not allowed an hour or two off, especially when he gets all the time he wants off

[deleted account]

Quoting Alyssa:

Could some of this be stemming from the fact that the baby is so young? He may just be nervous about being responsible while you are gone, especially if he's never had any experience before. This may also explain the "6 month" rule. If he is involved in smaller ways, i.e. bath time, feeding, or if you start by just going to the store alone, or something quick like that, he may feel more comfortable with you being gone for an evening, and you'll feel better just even having that break. Hope this helps!



This is a valid point.  Perhaps the dad is simply nervous or afriad to be responsible or in charge for a short time frame because he does not know how to actually parent a tiny infant.  Again, it goes back to communication about parenting roles & expectations, and equality in child rearing.  The dad needs to learn how to be a dad.  Melody, the original poster, needs time to herself regardless of her age!  Any mother of any age needs some time to herself every now and then whether it's enjoying a night out with friends or just an escape from the kids.  If you happen to be one of those moms who don't feel that need to have any free time, then that's great and it obviously works well for you! 

Ashley - posted on 07/01/2009

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Quoting Brittany:

I basically have the same problem. im 19 and my boyfriend is also 19. I had him when we were both 18. He always wants to go out with his friends and go racing, and im at home with the baby which is 10 months old. I also work, and he does not have a job. I get frustrated because he does not understand that i need a break. he gets mad when he has to watch him and tries to come up with every excuse. we fight all the time over this and it is ruining our relationship. its not like i want to go party, just i want to maybe go to my parents house for once with out the baby or go to the store with out bringing him. i usually dont mind bring my son with, but every now and then i need a break from being a mommy.



I just wanted to say that I was in almost the same position.... You need to stand your ground about being able to go out, but at the same time, choose your battles wisely.... it's a balance.... it was soooooo tough, but we made it through that stuff at the same age (I'm 25 now)... you can make it if you try and stay on the sae page, or at least in the same book...  Guys at 19 can be immature, and throw in a gf and a baby, my man was feeling trapped......you have to try and get him to see that you feel trapped a little too, and letting you go out means you feel better, and then he gets to go out.... they can be selfish at that age, make it so that he gets some reward at the end....

Rebekah - posted on 07/01/2009

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That's wrong! If he can go out while you stay at home with the baby, than he should be wiiling to stay home with the baby while you go out [maybe like 2 times a month-not all the time]. Part of the problem may be that you 2 need to go out together once in awhile [without the baby]. I have a 3 year old and my husband and I don't get out together like we should - it takes a toll on your marriage if you don't-believe me, I know].And it's not just because you are young either. I am almost 36, and I go out by myself one in awhile. It makes no difference how old/young you are. When you have kids, you need to have time for yourself. That is what is healthy for everyone involved! Say your husband likes to go out after work to wind down. He needs to understand that taking cae of a baby/child is a JOB, and you need wind down/relax time away from your job,too! The other thing is that being a stay at home mom is the only true FULLTIME job. Your husband [and mine too] goes to work and when he's done, he's done. Your job [as well as mine] is NEVER done you are a mom 24/7! Show your husband this post if you want to. But you 2 need to talk about this and come to an understanding. Just so you know, you ARE NOT being selfish. You are a MUCH BETTER mother when you are able to have some time for yourself! Is your husband being selfish when he goes out to have time for himself? NO. It's only selfish if he allows himself to do something, but forbids you from doing the same thing. I wish you all the best! This sounds like something that would be very hard to deal with: I'm really sorry that you have to go through this! Something to keep in mind too is that you do not smply have to just sit at home all the time. Meet friends for lunch out or invite them over for lunch or just for tea or coffee. Also, maybe you could join a mom's group and make friends with other moms in the group.You could get together outside of the group, too! BEST WISHES!

Pamela - posted on 07/01/2009

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im not sure where u live but try googling "The Mommies Network". they have mommies groups in alot of citys. when i lived in Detroit, Mi they had MetroDetroitmommies.com. I currently live in Jacksonville FL and i belong to JacksonvilleMommies.com. it is totally free to go to any play groups. dont be afraid because ur only 19 we have ALL age, lifestyles, nationalitys. we r from all walks of life and hold one major common bond, we r all mommies.

just to give u an idea on my last few days(im a SAHM). Mondays we meet in the mall and talk while the kids play in the play center, noon go to lunch then stroller walk and window shop. tuesday night had to wait for hubby to come home and we had a Moms Night Out at the sushi place up the street and after that closed went to the sports bar for more chatting, lots of laughing and a few drinks. today we r heading to the beach for a playdate of maybe about 4 mommies and there little ones. thursday heading to a new place ive never heard of but its a bigg play center like place for the kids to play. i think im free friday. every month a MNO (moms night out) is planned and it could be anything from drinking to movie watching or both.



im sorry i wasnt trying to sound like an add but i have so much fun and i want all moms to have this much fun. the only thing u pay out of pocke is at and event u might have to pay for drinks or lunch or something but theres a few moms that only go to the free events. doesnt cost anything to join and u get lots of advice, mommies to talk to and u choose the events u want to go to, just check the calender.



hope this helps, enjoy ur baby.

Kim - posted on 07/01/2009

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i have a saying. have baby will travel. I was taking my 2 month daughter out to lunch with me, and to thrift stores and she still does. there is no reason why you cant go out with the baby. my stroller and a bunch of toys are always in the trunk of the car. Beside your baby needs the change of scenery. There are times though when you need mommy time. if you have a grandma that can babysit for a few hours that might make a world of difference. Also daddy should be taking care of baby too. How else is he suppose to spend quality timie with baby.

Natalie - posted on 07/01/2009

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i dont go out much, because i dont want to or need to, but if i did i would. my babys dad works alot so my parents have him for me. but if ur not going out because someone ses you shoudnt then thats wrong

Charis - posted on 07/01/2009

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I got married at 19 and pretty much stopped going out then. After having my first baby at 23, I no longer desired to go out. Some of my mommy friends do still go out, I would prefer to spend time with my family. I also feel like I have no free time...I would just like to be able to check my email without a little one on my lap on occasion.

Alyssa - posted on 07/01/2009

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Could some of this be stemming from the fact that the baby is so young? He may just be nervous about being responsible while you are gone, especially if he's never had any experience before. This may also explain the "6 month" rule. If he is involved in smaller ways, i.e. bath time, feeding, or if you start by just going to the store alone, or something quick like that, he may feel more comfortable with you being gone for an evening, and you'll feel better just even having that break. Hope this helps!

[deleted account]

I don't see that the odd night out will do any harm, but if you want to do it all the time and stay out all night then I could see your husbands point. Your husband should also be supportive to you by staying in with you and your baby. Perhaps you can talk to him and find some middle ground. I still think your husband should be prepared to stay in with you though.

LaCi - posted on 07/01/2009

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i think its important to not surrender yourself, your passions, dreams, aspirations, and just your fun, to your child or your man. A child is very important, but some of these posts make it seem as though the child is #1 and mother is slave. It will not be damaging to a child to see his/her mother have HER life, aspects of herself that are not associated with her family. It may even be beneficial. What you need matters too.

Janel - posted on 07/01/2009

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Yes! Talk to him about it because it can only get worse. If he is making the rule of 6 mos. old then there is another rule or ultimatum to follow. If you are breast feeding, just pump some milk for the time you will be out or it won't hurt the baby to have formula for a couple of feedings. I am an older mom but had the same situation until I made my husband realize it would just cause resentment for both him and the baby unless I got time to myself. The rule of motherhood is take care of yourself first because if you don't, the baby suffers. For everytime he goes out, let him know you are owed a day out. There is nothing wrong with taking turns and you should not be the only one making sacrifices. Your son is his son too!

Natalie - posted on 07/01/2009

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i actually think sone comments are very amusing!!! two people make a baby, the mother carries the baby for 9 months (so no going out to drink ect like you may do normally) yet the men can, so once the baby is born and the mother wants to have a day off or even an hour who are you to tell her she cant? i am home with my baby who is 1 ,all day and night and if i want a few hours off i will. and you cannot take a child out in hte night as that is totally stupid, if she wants to go out and her husband doesnt allow her then that says something about him, its his child asw well, it wouldnt kill the men who made this child to actually look after them. If they dont want to or thinks its YOUR JOB then you got a bad bloke

Helen - posted on 07/01/2009

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This is my first post on circle of mums and I felt I had to reply because I feel so incensed at some of the responses you've had!! My little boy is 8months old now and I love him to bits and wouldnt be without him, but I am still a person in my own right, and if I couldnt get some time on my own every now and then I think I'd go mad!!
My son is my responsibility as I'm the one at home with him every day, but my husband was as much part of the decision to have him, so has to take his turn to look after him. He actually encourages me to go out so he can have some dad and son time with him.
It doesnt make me a bad person wanting time to myself, as far as I'm concerned it makes me normal! And when I've had time away from my son, I cant wait to get back to him, so I reckon it does us both good to have a break.
So no, I dont think you're being selfish as either a mother or a wife

[deleted account]

I agree with all the women who have posted that us mums need a little time to ourselves every now and then! Once a week I catch up with my friends and my hubby looks after our little girl. I totally think it makes me a better mother just getting time to have a glass of bubbly and gossip with the girls!!!

Sharyn - posted on 06/30/2009

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No! he is so wrong. .... you need time to yourself or your marriage wont survive (in most cases because of the stress of raising a child and trying to please him as well) ... you should have at least 2 days a month to yourself ... i'd say one day a week but i dont know how you feel about that ....
it takes two to tango .... he needs to grow up and be responsible.

[deleted account]

Quoting Karen:

hubby is right.....when you concieved that baby your "fun" became a huge responsibility to that baby. Try to find a group of women in your area that get together and share experiences with each other. Try a "Mommy and Me" group.



I have to disagree with your statement.  The original poster never questioned her role as a mother.  She was only venting that her hubby has dictated that she can not have any social life at all, yet he has time to go out with the guys.  Not fair by a long shot.  Mommy groups are wonderful support systems, but there are times where a woman just wants to have time to herself without her child.  It's not an unreasonable request.  Don't you also enjoy getting together with friends, or treating yourself to a pedicure, or an activity that does not involve kids?   I see it as the DAD has no interest in spending time with HIS son.  That's a huge problem.  Why is the hubby allowing himself free time, yet refuses to afford his wife the same opportunity.  Unequal parenting has drastic negative results.

Ashley - posted on 06/30/2009

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wait karen so you are saying she shouldnt be able to go out and have me time but her husband can go and do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I have the same problem with my husband and everywhere i go i do bring my children just once i would like him to stay home with OUR children and i go do something

Leigh - posted on 06/30/2009

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Looks like alot of people have rowed the same boat your now in. I too had a baby at that age...man what a huge shock to the system, one thing I was thankful for was my youth, because I had the physical energy I needed to look after a new born, but I also learnt that my marriage was going to need alot of energy as well. Communication is key, to be able to voice honestly to your husband what you are feeling, what you need, where you see life heading are all part & parcel of the foundations you need to lay now, so that years down the track you have a fruitful realtionship with your husband & your kids. You definately need time out for yourself, to be that 'other', not just a wife & mother but who you truely are. Do you have any extended family that can look after bubs for you, even if it is just for a few hours. I too loved my MIL for taking my son, so that I could just have time to sleep properly, to clean my house, to prepare a meal, little things that helped me see the light. Joining a mothers group is also great for connecting with other women that have also walked these same steps as you. Good Luck.

Jenni - posted on 06/30/2009

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don't allow ur husband to "dictate" what you can and cannot do... if he gets to go out, you should beable to as well...
no i dont believe you are being selfish whatsoever... especially with the first couple months being a difficult time of adjusting/sleep deprevation/crying... it's only natural to want/need a break from that...
bottom line--- no one has the right to "not allow" another person to do nething... you are his wife... not his child

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I agree that infants are dependent upon you, but I think it's unreasonable and selfish for your husband to mandate that you cannot have some alone time for yourself. Doesn't he ever wish to just be with his son for some 'Daddy/Son' time? Even an escape to do the grocery shopping alone is time away for just being by yourself. I would encourage your husband to spend more time with his son while visit with friends for lunch or simply catch a movie. I think it's also an issue of communication about parenting roles and expectations. You did not imply that you were going to forget you were a wife & mother, go bar hopping, and get sloppy drunk. You gave the impression that you still wish to have a social life with your friends! It's human nature to want to be with your friends. You need to talk to your husband about your feelings. Hey-you might even want to print up this thread and show it to him. Best of luck to you!

Ashley - posted on 06/30/2009

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yes you are a mom, but moms are allowed to have their fun as well. our fun doesnt always have to be dedicated to our children. i'm sure you love your baby to death but you need a night out, there is nothing wrong with that. sometimes its nice to go out with the girls for a night. of course we need a break from our children esp when we are lookin after them 24/7. you arent being the least bit selfish. it is good for him to be alone with daddy for a couple hours and if he wont maybe even a family member. it will get him used to staying with others. for example my MIL takes my son every sun for the day. not at my request at all....she's the one that asks if she can have him, and now he loves goin there plus it gives me the day to do whatever i need/want to do. good luck and i hope it all works out!

Angie - posted on 06/30/2009

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I guess it depends on what it is you want to do. We all need a little me time but as someone else said, your life is no longer your own, you share it with a child and a husband. He should also be living by this same rule. When my children were babies, I as happy to just have a bubble bath and read a book for 30 minutes. Try joining a mother's group so you can make friends with other mothers. Good luck.

JUDY - posted on 06/30/2009

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LISTEN IN A WAY HE IS RIGHT WHEN YOU DECIDED TO HAVRE CHILDREN THAT WAS A CHOICE YOUMADE LIKE MY MOTHER TOLD ME ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS YOUR LIFE BELONGS TO THEM. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND YOU DO NEED TIME FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE THATS WHAT YOU SHOULD CALL IT IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR TIME BUT YOU DO NEED TIME FOR YOUR SELF AND YOU SHOULD LET HIM KNOW THAT .
SOMETIME YOU NEED A BREAK TOO.AND THREE MONTHS IS NOT TOO SOON BECAUSE MOMS USUALLY GO BACK TO WORK WHEN A BABY IS THREE MONTHS SO DON'T EVEN LET HIM USE THAT EXCUSE

Karen - posted on 06/30/2009

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Yes, children are very dependent, but that doesn't mean you can't go for a walk without you child, or go have a cup of coffee with a friend. It is good to a degree to have some separation from you child, it makes for a healthier relationship. It is a well documented fact that separation to an extent is healthy for both parent and child

Karen - posted on 06/30/2009

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it is entirely acceptable for you to get out, it is healthy to want some 'me' time. You need to sit your husband down and talk to him. It is not right that he expects you to sit at home constantly and not get a moment's break. Getting a few minutes of time for yourself is something you should be able to do without an argument. I am a mom and wife as well, and honestly I found that getting a few moments to myself made me a better mom, as I didn't get frustrated when there was no sleep and lots of crying. If he doesn't agree, have him talk to the pediatrician, a little separation is not unhealthy, so that when the time comes, for you to go out of the house for work/appts. there will not be a baby screaming for mom. Personally, I think he is being very selfish and not much of a husband, if he feels the need to keep his wife locked up at home.

Andrea - posted on 06/30/2009

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My hubby worked out of town when my daughter was that age so he wasn't able to watch her. He would always call to see if he could go out with the boys and I would mostly say yes. I was lucky that my Dad and Mom didn't live to far away and would take her when I needed some time off. I don't think that it is to much to ask for to have some time off "me time". I think that moms do need this and that if you don't have "me time" to go out with friends, movies, shopping or just sleeping that the stress can lead to depression. Babies come first of course but if you can't take care of yourself (mentally or physically) you can't take care of your baby or family. I would sit down and tell your husband hey I need so me time I mean I really need some me time. I need to have a break just like you do, maybe more. A break now and then would make me happier and would probably drop down the talks or arguments about it so everyone would be happier!

Michelle - posted on 06/30/2009

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I think it's important for everyone to have "me time"! I don't go out to the bars or anything like that (unless I'm with my hubby) but I do go out every Thursday night! Thursday nights are my scrapbooking nights and I get together with friends and we have fun!! My hubby stays home with our daughter and they have some bonding time together! You should talk to him about it and tell him how you feel.

Nicole - posted on 06/30/2009

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Just because you're married and a mother doesn't mean you're dead to the world! "Me time" is very important because if Mama aint happy, ain't nobody happy! I don't know what kind of fun you're looking for, but my idea of a good time is going places with my baby. I'm a stay home mom, so I get a little stir crazy if I have to stay home with him all day. I was never into going out and partying anyway. Like some other moms said, I'm pretty boring too. And what difference does he think 3 more months is gonna make? If anything, it's easier to look after a 3 month old than a 6 month old! At 3 months, my son slept a lot. Now at 6 months he's up more and is more interactive so he needs more attention!

LaCi - posted on 06/30/2009

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I feel for you. When my son was born I wanted my breaks, but I was too afraid to let anyone watch him but me. I ended up settling for his daddy watching him while I ran errands, or just took a freakin' bath, of course with the PPD I really didn't want to GO anywhere, just to be alone. When he got older my alone time was for hitting the gym. Now his grandparents take him 2 afternoons per week so we can just spend quality time together. I AM a boring person, with no desire to go anywhere or do anything I couldn't bring him along for. My idea of a good time is the zoo or a park lol.

It is not selfish, at all, to want time to yourself. If you can handle having someone else watch him while you go out, then by all means do it. It may keep you sane.

I would certainly talk to him about it. As far as separation anxiety goes, my son didn't give a crap if I was around or not at first, I was just a vending machine to him. He only wanted daddy around. We all need breaks.

Sarah - posted on 06/30/2009

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I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to want some 'me' time!
It's hard work being 'mummy' all the time, and personally, i need time to myself every now and then. It refreshes me and makes me a better mother for it!
Go and have your hair done....go see a movie.....go for a coffee with your friends....go out and (shock horror!) have a drink or two!
You still deserve to be YOU as well as a wife and a mother.
Ask him if just once a month or something you can get a little 'me' time.
I go out about once a month and i'd go stir crazy if i didn't!!
You're not being selfish at all in my opinion!!
Hope it works out for you!
:)

Richelle - posted on 06/30/2009

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if he gets to why shouldnt you, he is just as responsible as you are for that baby. He is being selfish in that he doesnt want to take care of the baby by himself until its at least 6 months old.

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