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KeepingupwiththeRobles - posted on 03/04/2015

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Hi. I am a Mom and I will say this.. ANYONE can give birth to a child and be a MOTHER, it takes someone special to actually be a MOM. They are two different titles. A Mother gives birth to children, a Mom takes cares of children. Furthermore, lets be honest, this person is not a MOM. Moms ( or at least good ones) do not in anyway shape, form, or manner place their children in harms way. End of story, point blank. She should have her rights terminated. People should be respecting the fact that you have stepped up to the plate and cared for 2 (two) innocent lives that are not biologically yours. That is real love. If they want to call you Mom that I think that it is fine. Their horrific Mother is not a MOM. As long as it is acceptable in your home is all that matters. It is not even their Mothers opinion because she chose to not be a MOM. She gave birth to them and that is simply it. As far as you and your Fiancee, I hope he is grateful that you have chosen to love another ones child as you own. It is the most Selfless thing a person can do. Get a Protective order against her. Hang in there. Stay Strong , and keep being an a MOM to those children of yours who love and respect you enough to give you that title.

Renee - posted on 03/02/2015

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The children were two and three at the time. It's unfortunate but their mother did that to herself. The children will call you what they are comfortable calling you. In the end, you are NOT saying you are there REPLACING THEIR MOTHER, but you did step up when they needed you most "Mommy Christina" and for that even their bio mom has to be grateful. She feels lousy because of her own inadequacies and her failure to keep her children safe. But please do know even if she's not the right person for her kids to be with, she still does love them in her own way. Just give her that respect and understand that point as a woman. She is paying the price and has her own demons to contend with. Just let her know that you do NOT want the kids to forget her, and that you know that as a mother SHE only wants her kids to be taken care of as any mother would. And this is in the best interest of the children. She will develop her own relationship with them as they grow, through her own actions. That is on her. You just do what you know is right in your heart and you won't come across looking like a bitch in court. Give her respect in her own way, you'll feel a lot better for it. Good luck, prayers are with you all. Renee

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Ev - posted on 12/23/2015

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Christina--You have done an amazing thing being a mother figure to those kids and in fact you are their mom in a sense. You came in and picked up the pieces and held them together. In this instance I do not think it is wrong for them to call you mom as long as they know the difference between a step/adoptive mom and biomom but that does not mean you love them any less than a mom would love her kids. You have treated them as if you gave birth to them yourself. Its in the interest of the adults sometimes to be called mom or dad and it is a forced issue. That is not the case here. Good luck!

Christina - posted on 12/23/2015

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We won the termination hearing and I am in the process of filling adoption papers. I have always been open with the children. They know if they want to talk to me or their father about their biological mother they can. They do ask now and then if they can see her and we simply say maybe someday, that would be nice. I grew up with neither of my parents who abandon me and my brothers around the same age. And when the chance came for me I was 16 and I was horrified at what they became. I feel once they are old enough they have a right to know about her through their biological mother. Right now she is in prison for the next few years so we don't need to quite think about that yet. I believe everyone deserves a second chance and I believe and hope the biological mother can come to her senses and live a better life. As far as jealousy yes I might be hurt about it because I do everything for them and want to be enough but I put my kids happiness first and I would smile and grant their wish. (being its safe and supervised)

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/05/2015

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I don't see anything wrong with that at all. The issue would be if they were forced, or you didn't want them to call you mom, and neither one sounds like the case. Be proud. Stand tall. You are their mom. Are you planning on adopting them when you and your fiance get married?

I would encourage the both of you to make sure the kids know who this women is though.

Duse1 - posted on 03/05/2015

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Thank you, I wanted to also say and forgot, I don't think it right for anyone to judge you. They don't know the road you walk, no one can totally. So you do what is best for the children, That is what God would want I am sure, and what the kids need.. Take care

KeepingupwiththeRobles - posted on 03/05/2015

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Angela , Wow! What a wonderful, genuine , heartfelt reply. Best reply I have seen on COM! I love how you put all things in a great perspective .

Duse1 - posted on 03/05/2015

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I think it is alright. My children lost their father to a heart attack at very young ages like your step children did... While different in circumstances does not mean they love you any less then the man I got with three years after my husbands death who my children like to call father.. They call him father but their real dad they called daddy or dad.. he was a good man too.. died of a heart attack.. people judged me too.. but the only one that would not of judged me was my poor departed husband.. This woman has the right to change and become a part of your family.. if she does this,,and makes a true change which it seems like she can't.. well then and only then would I say you don't have the right to interfere,, but you are nurturing and loving her babies.. she should appreciate you for it.. but can't look past her addiction and pride to see that.. I hope this all works out for you and the kids.. I don't think there is anything wrong with them loving and calling you mom.. But remember this.. that is still their mother.. She may one day become a better person able to come back into their lives.. Will you do the right thing a allow that too.. or will you become consume with jealousy like she is right now, and do the right thing for you instead of the kids.. I have seen step mom's in your circumstances do this.. and that was worse for the children in the long run.. Take a calming and loving perspective to all this.. Right now she can't be their parent,,but in God's eyes if she changes and truly loves them.. all should be forgiven.. and you all should become a family right for the children s benefits.. nothing more..

Stacey - posted on 03/04/2015

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My (now) Husband's boys came to live with us right the beginning of our relationship due to their *Mommy's* lifestyle. I was constantly warned about taking on a ready made family and was sure to research how to best make this work. I cannot type enough to tell you how much your post resembles my life with my *now* husband and his past. To the point...we were at a water park with the boys and the oldest, who was 4 at the time and had been living with me daily for over a year yells "Hey Mom...watch this!". I was speechless....while I felt it somewhat wrong initially...my Husband and I determined we would do whatever felt good to them. Any breed of animal can give birth....you are special as Mom..... I would be wary of anyone telling this "shameful" and the court is going to base the decision on LAW not title.....

Tammy - posted on 03/03/2015

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You're the only mom they've ever known. They need a mom and you were and still are there for them. You deserve the title and they deserve to have you as a mom. Best of luck and prayers for your upcomming case.

Raye - posted on 03/03/2015

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Do not feel bad that those children love you. They know who has performed in the role of mother, and that's you. Any step-mother worth her salt is a mom, even if she doesn't have children of her own, because she loves and cares for those children. You've earned the title, so don't let others hang-ups get you down.

Mommabird - posted on 03/02/2015

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I know all to well what your going through and feeling. I have a 10 or old step daughter that I've been raising as my own for almost 5 years. She was almost 6 when she decided to call me mom. I was leery at first because her bio mom was still in the picture. But she was smart enough to know not to call me mom around her bio mom. Unfortunately when she was 7 her bio mom had her 4th child and he was born with meth in his system so after investigation all 4 children were taken from her and she lost all rights a year later. To this day she thanks me for being her mom and caring about her enough to raise her as my own. Bio mom hasn't seen or spoken to her in 2 yrs and hasn't even tried. I personally wish her bio mom cared enough to get her life in order enough to even try to get some kind of visitation again but time will tell. Just keep doing what your doing and those kids will always have so much love, respect and gratefulness for you.

Christina - posted on 03/02/2015

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Thank you Renee and I'd absolutely do that when the time is right. Wonderful idea and it could be a way of closure as well. Everyone makes mistakes and in the situation I have to be neutral because it truly is between my fiance and the biological mother what happens in custody either way I hope for the best. I'll continue to love , nurture and provide for these children.

Christina - posted on 03/02/2015

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Thank you so much for that. It really brought tears to my eyes because I feel terrible for these kids. Both me and my fiance never bad mouth their biological mother and I try my best to comfort them when they do ask about her. I simply tell them she isn't well but she loves them very much and some day she may get better and they will be together again. I needed to hear that I'm doing more right then wrong like I've heard from so many and thank you for the positivity.

Renee - posted on 03/02/2015

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Christina, if you want to, when the time is right, you can write a letter to their mom, acknowledging that she is an important part of their lives and that half of her is in her children. She doesn't want to be forgotten or smashed down so much that she can't get up. This will be hard, but know that with love, sometimes tough love, patience and understanding this can work out really well. Maybe you will be the only connection she has to her kids, with all the stuff that has transpired already. But do know that NORMALLY when a parent loses rights do to drugs, alcohol etc, they make noise at first and now and then from time to time, but unfortunately or fortunately, they go into their own world and only when extreme guilt hits them do they try and connect again. Just protect the children as you have been doing. Stick to what the letter of the law says that is in the best interest of the child. That's mainly what the court looks at along with the stable environment. Renee

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/02/2015

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If the kids have chosen to call you mom, then don't feel bad.

Those who take YOU to task for the actions of others must be very bored...

Here's the deal: YOU stepped up when those kids were too young to really know what was going on, you and their dad gave them stability and love, and it's only natural that they would want to have the same type relationship with you as your biological child does. As long as you aren't telling them that you're their biological mother, you're fine!

Besides that: Any person who wishes to take you to task for what you are doing had better be ready to demonstrate extreme patience in the face of diversity, because that person has NO idea of the struggles those kids are going through as a result of their mother's poor choices. It takes a very strong, loving person to be the one those kids want to turn to. GOOD JOB!

Christina - posted on 03/02/2015

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Thank you so much for your responses. I actually made a scrapbook for each of the children of their bio mom about a year ago because I do understand she has demons but a mothers love does not die for her children no matter how much her life is a mess. I've been attacked so much as of late and its not like I can go " hey kids you can't call me mom now because people don't like it." I want what's best for the kids and I've given everything I've done for my child to them as well. I just wish she could see I'm on her side I just want her right for the kids. I'd get along with her because I love the kids and their happiness is what matters. I hope one day she will come around because I know the first years of their lives she was a very good mom and she can be again.

Sarah - posted on 03/02/2015

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"Mom" is just a word. If you were teaching these children that you were their bio-mom, I would feel differently. As long as they know that you are going to be their step-mom and then hopefully their adoptive mother, what does it matter what they call you? For medical reasons and because it is the truth, these two kids will need to understand their genetic history. I can see how if there is another child in the house that is actually "your" child, and he calls you Mom, that the others would do the same. What did people expect you to do, stop them and say, "Oh you must call me Christina, or Auntie", or whatever. If, their bio-mom gets her act together, and manages to be part of their lives, then they can call her mama, mommy, mums or whatever sticks.

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