Lilian - posted on 10/16/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
I am almost three years married and I have a 9 month old baby boy. Conceiving and delivering my baby is been the most scarry yet exiting experience of my life but I realized both pregnancy and parenting are very demanding processes in a woman's life. Don´t get me wrong I absolutely adore my little one and I cant even imagine myself anymore without him but things have changed completely since I got pregnant and mostly since he was born. While pregnant, I was most of the time wishing for my husband to melt for me, to care for me a lot more, to help more home, to cook something nice or at least to bring me for a dinner or clean the house so I could rest or something like that. We where both working until I was 6 months pregnant and during that time he didn't really do many things different, I never really got to feel special around him a lot, my job made me everyday exhausted since I had to stand for long hours, work under the sun and in the heat, little time to eat or rest work was very fisicaly demanding and I was riding a bicycle to get to work and back home until I was on my fifth month and all this time I don't really remember him helping me home a lot. I always tried to make him feel special, getting him chocolates that he likes once in a while, cooking his favorite food and such and yet a do not see him doing anything like this for me. He didn't even come to all my appointments with my GO many times. I must say he works very hard but it was our first baby and I just couldn't see him making an effort to be there at all times. Many times I felt I was having this baby alone, he didn't really participate on baby stuff, we didn't buy a crib until a couple of weeks my baby was born. I guess I started getting kind of disappointed then but I said to myself he was going to get better when the baby was born. All this has been a mix of emotions, he was very happy in the end while holding our baby for the first time but first night the three of us together at the hospital, I had c-section so I could not move to feed or change the baby and he stayed supposedly to take care of me and his son, baby started crying in the middle of the night, hungry and he could not wake up, I was jelling, wake up, I cant reach him! he just couldn't, and I was just asking myself all that time, how come?! why?! Its his son and me! how he cant wake up?! finally he did, he was upset, he took the baby and was about to drop it like a drunk. Get it together I said, it was very disappointing. I called my mom to stay next evening and I told him, just go to work and then get some rest. To make it shorter, ever since I keep on finding reasons to get more and more disappointed of him and our relationship, i feel he has let me down too many times like this. I've gotten sick many times and I end up taking care of myself but if he or the baby gets sick its me the one taking care of both of them. I remember how I used to feel when we first started dating, when we became boyfriend and girlfriend, when he paid the ticket for me to come live with him and such, I could feel so protected, I don't feel that anymore and I told him once, he didn't say anything about it, he never says anything. I feel like I missed something, a sign or detail in his behavior that would have alert me of all this. He is not a bad guy I know but he is just not what I was expecting, he is too immature and too conservative. He said to me once that women have it easier to take care of a child because its in our genes, I freaked out, I said, that's stupid, a man is same capable of taking care of a child its just a matter of willing to do so and really try. I was not working until our baby turned 7 months and even though I questioned him how things would be when I would get back to work he still don't realize how much more I do. In addition Im a freelance and he seems to think that because I work from home I dont really work, yet i work even more cos I wake up with baby during night, wake up early to feed, get ready and bring to daycare, go back home, cook brakefast, clean the house, laundry, grosseries, back home, work for a few hours, start cooking lunch, go bring the baby from daycare, stop by and get more grosseries or simply take care of the kid, get baby ready to sleep, clean more and then go back to work a few more ours and I feel like my days just go by like that. I feel there is no time for me at all, My legs and underarms are unshaved most of the time, sometimes I don't even eat, when I get sick im so busy that I can never manage to follow my treatment properly and on and on and on. He does help I must say, but i just feel he does not help enough and I feel he thinks he does and he don't realize he should take over some duties. Yet he criticizes me, he demotivates me, he just makes me feel so unhappy lately and Im not even sure if I am right. I´m so confused and tired (exhausted should I say) Im so emotionally tired that I find myself even loosing patience with the baby often lately. I jelled at him today, a lot, he is also very temperamental and I just lost it and I cant forgive myself for that and I dont want to see myself doing something like that again! but I know its because Im desperate, really desperate and I dont even know the difference between me exagerating or not. I must say I feel totally right, I do feel left alone. I feel like I´m doing so many things on my own that I ask myself if it´s worth staying with him anymore. I´ve said to myself often "If Im doing all this on my own anyway, wouldn't be better to actually be alone? instead of parenting both him and my baby? so that's my situation, I just keep on thinking in divorce as the only solution and that I would become so much better mom without him cos at least I wont have the additional stress that he puts on my back. Has anybody go trough this? how did you recover from it? did you actually recover? did you feel right at some point? how did you cleared all your questions? Thanks fellow moms.