No one understands why I am single!!!

Candace - posted on 07/14/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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As a 31yr old, single mother of an 11yr old daughter, I am constantly dealing with questions as to why I am still single. I also have to deal with everyone assuming that I want to be in a relationship and can't do it on my own, so they are constantly trying to set me up with men. My family also assumes that every guy friend I have must be a boyfriend. I am not with my daughter's father because the relationship turned abusive after I was pregnant. I have had relationships since then which didn't work out for various reasons. I am now happily single and focusing on being a good role model for my daughter......so why do I need to explain this to EVERYONE in my life?

I believe that by teaching my daughter to put herself first I am doing the right thing, but am I also teaching her that no man is ever good enough?

I am open to any and all feedback on this!

17 Comments

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Sabrina - posted on 08/30/2016

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I am going through the same thing. I am 30 and have chosen not to date for now and focus on my daughter. I get the same questions and honestly, I don't think that I am teaching her that no one man is ever good enough... I feel like I'm teaching her that you don't NEED a man to be happy. I think that's healthy! You don't owe anyone an explanation. My response to "Why aren't you dating? " is always "Because I don't want to! " lol. That's the only explanation I'll give to that!

Kim - posted on 07/18/2009

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Candace, I was in your place at one time. My daughter's father and I divorced when she was just 2 and so it was just the two of us while she was growing up. He wasn't a big part of her life, so I played mom and dad. I dated, but was VERY cautious of who I dated. I didn't want her to think that her mom was desperate! I ran across some good and bad guys, but never "the one" until she was 16. When little girls are growing up, sometimes they dream of the "knight in shining armor" coming to take them away..... Well, believe it or not, I found mine!!!!! He has been the father figure that she has needed all her life and is also a VERY GOOD role model of what she should look for in a future husband! All through the growing years though, SHE was my number one priority! We did things together and basically we grew up together! (I had her when I was 21) She is now 29 and we are not just mother and daughter, but the best of friends! To tell you the truth, if I had to do it all over, I wouldn't change a thing....well, maybe finding my "knight", but maybe not. We were able to bond, to me, better than if I would have had to make my decisions based on another person's input, too! I was always open with my daughter and we talked alot! I ALWAYS answered her questions, no matter how hard it was and if I didn't have the answer, we had fun trying to find it. Candace, "POO" to these people out there trying to make you think that a "family" is only happy one way! Maybe they are jealous of what you have and they WISH they had????? Be strong, your prince will come along, too!!!!!

[deleted account]

FANTASTIC!!! How refreshing to see a woman who is happy without needing a man to be so! I have had arguement after arguement with women who feel that they cannot find happiness without a man. There is nothing wrong with showing your daughter that she too can be happy without having aman - and that she doesnt have to settle she can be happy as a single until (or if ) she finds someone else that she loves who will treat her as she deserves to be treated. I loved being single and still miss it occassionally - just live however makes you happy thats all any of us can do :)

Stacy Ann - posted on 07/18/2009

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I think you"re doing the right thing by staying away for a while from relationships... Trust me you know when it right!! when that person is the real deal :-)) Teaching your daughter what is right is very important and if you feel that the person that is with you at that time is not the right one... That's also Ok!! I have a fifthteen year old my self and I'm not really there to instill the teaching that I want for my daughter into her and it kills me... But I alwasy try to show her that being INDEPENDENT is the best thing a woman can earn!! So take your time, continue doing what your doing and you will be fine.

Candace - posted on 07/16/2009

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I just want to thank everyone for their words of encouragement!!! It means a lot to me to know that I am not the only one who feels this way!!

Karen - posted on 07/15/2009

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I believe that everyone is entitled to their own choice of how they choose to live their lives. As a single mother of 2 boys (15 and 12) I can relate to what you are saying and totally agree with you. I am currently in a relationship but have no intentions of getting married to him or anyone else, until after my boys are on their own and maybe not even then!? I truely enjoy being in our own house, living our own lives, answering to no one.

My boyfriend has 2 boys that he also has custody of, and he feels the same as I do. We only see each other on the weekends, but he is as I say as independent as I am.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do exactly what you are doing, and in the event that my relationship breaks up, I will probably do just what you are doing.

Go for it girl stay strong and do what you want..that is what will be best for you and your daughter!!!

Candace - posted on 07/15/2009

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I have a number of male friends (purely platonic) who have been around for most of her life, so she does see that I DO like men, I just haven't found my prince yet....I also don't speak negatively about my past relationships, (including her father) but I do preach being a strong, independant woman who is complete in herself.

Paulette - posted on 07/15/2009

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I am a single mom also, and I don't explain myself to others. I tell them this is MY life, and I am old enough to make my own choices. As far as my children having positive male role models, we are active in church and in the community and so they have a chance to see how to react to males.

Hang in there.

[deleted account]

I am also a single parent and have been for a while - I have 2 sons, 30 yrs and 15 yrs (I've been married twice). If you don't wanna be in a relationship, then fine, but I don't think you have to explain yourself to anybody. You do what's good for YOU...but then again, you don't wanna give your daughter a negative attidute about men by telling her they are not good enough or not worth it. You want her to have a good positive outlook on men so when she grows up, she will have that mentality of you don't have to have a man in you life if you don't want to. Just my opinion.

Charlie - posted on 07/14/2009

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hey if you are happy and your daughter is happy then go for it , its a good thing to teach your daughter she dosent have to be dependant on a man , far to many young girls these days only do things soley to please guys its pathetic and makes us look bad !

Sharon - posted on 07/14/2009

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Yep yep! I'm already battling arrogant little chits who text and call my 14 yr old son at all hours and have SNs like "lil' hot one" wth? she's 13!!! Where are her parents?? He is, of course, amused and disgusted by it but isn't savvy about what they are up to. I'll have to call this girls' parents - again - and point out that "sexting" is illegal and if they say it isn't their daughter doing sending half naked pictures this time, I'll forward the pics to their cell phone! Ok rant done.



The point being, I can't imagine trying to find a decent loving man who would care for my child as much as I do while trying to handle EVERYTHING else that comes up with the kids. I marvel at women who do it though.

Candace - posted on 07/14/2009

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Her life and her needs supercede anything I want right now. Of course I would love to find that person to be happy with for the rest of my life, but right now I don;t feel like I am missing anything......I want her to be self-sufficient, and happy before I go off on my own.....

Sharon - posted on 07/14/2009

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Yay for you guys!!! Wait for awesomness to happen (LOL 80s' where did the 80s go?) girls who "hunt" for men or think they can't be complete without one - um kind of disgust me.

[deleted account]

I am 33 and right there with you. Her father has been in and out of jail for most of her life and I have always felt I needed to give her the extra attention. I have came to the conclusion that I do not want to miss out on anything in her life especially if its giving attention to trying to find a man. Shes 8 so i just figure i will have plenty of time after shes grown and moved on for me to begin relationships. As for now I am completely satisfied with enjoying and focusing all of my time on her. Thats not to say Mr. Right wont find me tomorrow and live happily ever after. I'm just not wasting my time and time with my daughter to be out there looking.

Candace - posted on 07/14/2009

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I do date, here and there......I am always on the lookout for an awesome man....I just won't settle for any less at this point!

Leigh - posted on 07/14/2009

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It's because society thinks that if you are alone & you choose to be alone there is something wrong with you. Some even believe that you should just have a man, doesn't have to be a good one, but just be a man. Good for you Candace for chosing to walk your life journey the way you want!! Keep living large & taken charge!!

Sharon - posted on 07/14/2009

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You're teaching your daughter that she doesn't need a man in her life. She can be a good person and self sufficient and if she happens to find that special someone - GREAT!



Date, have fun, don't look for a relationship and your daughter will be fine! You sound like a level headed person already, don't let the pack followers make you second guess yourself - um fyi, lol I'm married, mostly happily.

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