no sex drive... advice comments something pls!

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

This has been a long time coming but has recently gotten worse driving a complete wedge. I am no longer interested in having sex, I am married and have two children ages 5 and 2, and might I add the younger is very active. I am 26 years old and married only a year but have been with my love for 8 years.... the decrease in my libido started after having my first child but was not completely non existent as it is now. I have recently become a stay at home mom and have been arguing with my husband over this for a while. He loves me and I love him, we have a past where we had to overcome and yet because the sex has diminished it its always brought up causing more strain and stress and suspicion on both parts jealousy is a huge issue with us. With that little bit of oversight let me get into the real problem I'm having since stumbling upon this website while googling if I had a problem... I do not want to have sex, talk of sex from my husband is a complete turn off. I even get disgusted with any mention of it, or a touch in an inappropriate area. We have had a deal to have sex every so many days to see if it would help but that has been thrown out the window because I just feel forced to have sex because I don't want it. I hate being asked, I really am tired when I get into bed hence why I say I'm going to sleep. While the deal was in effect I would just try and give in and since I wasn't in the mood. To get started we'd use lube because trying foreplay would just make me fidgety or when I was touched be in certain spots, that I would normally get extremely arouse before kids, is now just ticklish. During sex I just want to rush to feel the Big-O to get it over with and feel good since Im not aroused during sex. We used to have so much sex like multiple times a day before kids, I was always ready never any need for lube or toys or anything and I was on different types of birth control, and now I'm on nothing in fact I have had the essure procedure done, basically a non surgical procedure where they block your tubes with titanium coils as a permanent birth control method. I want to get my sex drive back because I know his is still very much in effect and I don't want this to push us to get a divorce or cause separation but sometimes me being pressured just pisses me off where I'm just like thinking thats all he cares about, and the fighting is just killing our marriage. I don't know if there is something wrong with me should there be something I can take that could help.
Also I would like to add that is another underlying problem which is my low self esteem over my body, because I am no where near as good looking naked as I used to be I was really tiny, now I am 5,4 131lbs. Stretch marks ruined my body, breast-feeding has ruined my breasts and I am much bigger, I don't know if I have body dysmorphic disorder I am not a doctor and never have been diagnosed I just believe thats what it could be. Also I suffered from depression and recently picked myself up again, with med help, trying to find motivation that will keep me from going back but this stresses me out. any bit of advice can help...


Layla - posted on 07/19/2015




First of all, the very fact that he is trying so hard to keep having sex with you while knowing full well what changes have been made to your body since having kids should eliminate all of your self-esteem. In fact, it should increase your self-esteem. Lots of husbands complain and don't want to have sex as much with their women after having children so the fact that your husband does means he's still incredibly attracted to you and that is a big compliment.

Secondly, if you feel uncomfortable with your weight then you should do something about it that works for you. Whether that is a diet or exercise plan, setting a goal and seeing it through will lift your spirits. I am sure you will be happy when you look in a mirror and see the reflection of a woman who takes care of herself.

Thirdly, perhaps you should see a therapist and try to figure out why you were excited by your husband's touch before but not anymore. Are you no longer attracted to him? Has he changed? It's not normal to not want to be touched by your husband and it probably makes him feel incredibly insecure himself. Perhaps he is pushing more for sex because he is hoping that if he can please you then maybe you wont be so turned off by his affection anymore?

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