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Shahara - posted on 08/13/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




My son is 8 and we have two other kids in the neighborhood that he plays with which are a year younger than him. For the past 2 years we have had a problem with the other children constantly hitting our child and my son has never once put his hands on them. I have even spoke to the parents regarding this and have forewarned them that my son now has the OK from us to defend himself. The other day the little girl that has kicked him many times between the legs, punched him etc. decided to punch my child in the stomach bc he wouldn't give her a tater tot so in return he punched her in the ear. The Child ran home and her 14 year old brother and friend came looking for my child to "HURT HIM". The mother come over and my husband told her the kids do not need to play with each other. The other neighbor I have known 12 years his son Hits my child when he doesn't do what he wants. He also is very angry and screams and yells at his parents that he hates them, wishes they were dead, etc. I told them that my son will start defending himself and the father said that no one will be hitting his child. Well I feel the same way but they haven't put a stop to their child hitting mine. These aren't just little arm slaps these are punches and head stomping etc.
My husband and I do not condone fighting or being disrespectful to anyone therefore we have not had any problems or complaints from anyone that our son is a problem or has ever been a problem.
Why do these parents feel that its ok for their children to hit mine but mine can not defend himself against their children?
Are we wrong for having our child "defend" himself if he is hit by another child?
My husband and I are questioning if we are handling this correctly or not?


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Angela - posted on 08/13/2012




The thing that sticks out here is that your child is a year older than the 2 offenders - furthermore one of them is female. Now that doesn't mean anything when they're attacking him but should he wish to defend himself, I bet the parents of the other kids are trotting out that old line about picking on a younger kid or boys hurting girls!

For so long (certainly through my own childhood) and probably for time immemorial, kids were told not to pick on a younger child, it's very wrong, it's bullying etc ..... The subliminal message unfortunately was that it's perfectly OK to initiate a fight with some kid your own age and it's probably "courageous" or "brave" and certainly praiseworthy to attack an older child! My friend's 11 year old boy was expelled from his new school within the first week because he had viciously attacked and hurt FOUR other pupils. It was right that they threw him out. But whenever any member of their family told the tale they emphasised how the boy was in first year high school and his victims were in 5th year. They were clearly proud but it's just not right to impose violence on anyone regardless of the age of the victim compared to the age of the assailant.

The parents of your son's tormentors probably live by the same code I've outlined above. I know there's only one year between your son and them but a year is a massive psychological gap to anyone under 10. It's never fair when the older child is less violent and confrontational and I wonder if the other 2 kids are exploiting the fact that he's a year older plus perhaps a more peaceful (and maybe timid) child?

I agree you should involve Police - I sincerely hope they are helpful to you.

Good luck.

Dove - posted on 08/13/2012




The next time one of those brats hits your kid tell him to come home immediately. I'd be calling the police and filing assault charges. They can dish it out, but can't take it? Then they are just a bunch of bullies who will keep on getting worse and worse until someone puts a stop to it. Maybe by stopping them when they are 'just kids' they won't grow up to end up killing someone.

Lacye - posted on 08/13/2012




I agree with what you did. You tried talking to the parents and they refuse to do anything about it. I would have done the same thing. But if you feel like this is the wrong way to go about it, then I suggest just tell your neighbors that their child is not allowed to play with your son until the child learns to play with other children correctly. You shouldn't have to tolerate other people hitting your child. If it still continues, I would suggest talking to a police officer and see what they suggest.

Determined - posted on 08/13/2012




This is a difficult situation and I am sorry that you are going through it. Part of me says giving your son the OK to hit back will teach him that it is alright to use violence to solve all problems (which I know this is not the message you guys are sending) however, the other part of me says that if your son does not defend himself he will be a doormat the rest of his life and be an easy target for bullying when he reaches middle & high school. In all honestly if this were my child and I had gone to the parents and nothing changed I'd be telling my child the same thing. What my dad taught me growing up was "You cannot start a fight, but you can finish one." I didn't use violence to solve all my problems but it seems my sister has so I guess this advice can go both ways. I will teach my kids this same advice my father shared to me and make it very clear that you cannot hit someone just because you're angry or something didn't turn out the way you wanted it to in life, but you can hit someone to defend yourself.
You guys went to the parents and tried a different route what option do you have left? I think you guys are handling this the best way you can. Good luck Shahara I hope things work out for you guys!

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