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Christina - posted on 09/29/2012 ( 25 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 month old daughter and her "sperm donor" has seen her a max of a day. He refused to put his name on her birth certificate... Refused to get the whooping cough to help and protect our child... and then there is refused to help me support our child what so ever. But he still wants to see her. I have been such a good person and regardless of him treating me like garbage and getting married behind my back I've allowed him to see her. I tried very hard to make this Co-Parenting thing work but his "wife" doesnt want us in the same room so hes never even there when our child is sick. So I told him I want nothing from him and this is a clean break... is there anything he could do if one day he finally wants something to do with her... ?

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Lacye - posted on 09/29/2012

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I did find this information a while back about this sort of thing for a different person on here but it still applies.



In the state of FL, in the cases of unwed parents, mothers have full custody until paternity is set and after that the father (once determined) will be allowed joint custody automatically.



So yes your ex can take you to court and force you to have the test done if he really wants to see his child and after he does, he will be able to have the child without you present. His treatment of you will not affect his case to see his child. You are his ex. The court isn't going to care if he is nice to you or a complete douche. Best thing to do is just go ahead and file the suit before he does and have the child support set up.

Lacye - posted on 10/07/2012

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In Mississippi, neither parent has custody of the child until it is taken to court if the parents were not married.

Dove - posted on 09/29/2012

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How can she not have custody when there is no legal documentation proving he's the father? If they were married, yes, but if not married don't they have to have proof of paternity? She could just deny that he's the father and with no evidence to support his claim that he IS....



Granted, all he has to do is take you to court and get a paternity test and then he would have visitation.... and possibly even joint custody. If you have proof that he's a danger to the child you might be able to get supervised visits.



Definitely talk to a lawyer about your situation and options.

Vicki - posted on 09/29/2012

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My ex was served and he didnt even show up so i was granted full custody and he still had to pay child support!

Vicki - posted on 09/29/2012

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I said depending on where you are from you may not! You would have to check the laws in your state. Where im from doesnt matter if the father is on the birth certificate or not, he knows hes daddy and if he wanted to come get my child and not return her i wouldnt beable to do anything about that! I was advised by my lawyer to stall him by pretending i wasnt home and not answer the phone until he can be served with court papers to start the custody proceddings

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Jenny - posted on 11/10/2012

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The mother automatically has full custody if the father is not on the birth certificate unless the court says otherwise. If he is out of her life for a certain amount of time.. 3-5 years, there is a very good chance that you would get full custody and he would only get visitation. But if you think he will take you to court before then, don't wait. I made that mistake. He took me to court first and it made him look like father of the year yet he is FAR from it.

Angela - posted on 10/25/2012

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Hes got no legal rights but your say so hes the daddy. Leave him be.... let him miss out on your lil cherub :) shes got you, what more does she need x

Sarah - posted on 10/25/2012

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It's very similar, you just go to court and ask for a custody document stating that you have joint custody of the child. With you living together, it's simply a matter of documenting that you both have a legal relationship with the child. BUT, if you break up, it's a documentation that you both have a legal relationship with the child, which means you will always be required to share the child and split the responsibilities for the child!! :D

Tdo1690 - posted on 10/25/2012

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what if you live with your boyfriend and you just give birth to your child together. how do we set up child support so it protects both of us in the state of iowa

Sarah - posted on 10/09/2012

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You need to check this out in your particular state. Some states have the mother automatically having custody and some have the parents with equal custody until the court says otherwise. Whether or not he is on the birth certificate has no bearing on this whatsoever. And, where this comes in that is the most awful is when he comes for a visit that is supposed to be 2 hours and never comes back. If you are in a joint custody state, he had just as much right as you did to take the child and go. They cannot help you or do anything about it and you have to try and pursue your child through private organizations.



So, you should ALWAYS get some kind of legal custody agreement in writing done by the courts so if he does see the child and fail to return the child, he is automatically a suspect and legally in trouble for that.



The legal system is a cut and dry place about most things. If the child is yours and his, you are better off getting her a court case number, visitation or no visitation set up in an agreeable way, and child support ordered. You can file to modify any of these orders and so can he at any time. But, if it is set up and in black and white, you both know what to expect from each other, and what steps to go through if you want to see a change happen!!

Tia - posted on 10/07/2012

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Just know that if he has more money and or resources he will have the upper hand.And always make sure you do spervised visits with him,until you find out the laws for your state,because I knew of a girl who got into an arguement with her child's father while the child was at his and his wealthy parents house,and he decided to keep the child until she took it to court.In most states that can't happen,but hers was one of the few where the dad is allowed to do that.

Tia - posted on 10/07/2012

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Wait a minute.That doesn't sound right.I don't live it FL,but,I found this out soon after I had my son that the unwed mother/custodial parent has full custody by default until the the non custodial takes it to court.Even if he were to kidnap the little girl the mom can still call the cops and make him return her.I didn't check Florida,but I read somewhere that that is how it is in most states.I think Philadelphia and Arizona were the only two that basically said that which ever parent has physical custody of a child can keep that child with them and away from the other parent(whether its the mom or dad),until the other parent takes it to court.

Tia - posted on 10/07/2012

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Child support and custody are two different things.If she goes for child support she gets a check every month.If she goes for custody,she has to send her daughter over to his place,during sceduled times,half holidays etc.Not to mention,she will be the one paying the court fees.

Tia - posted on 10/07/2012

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Well first of all you kind of played the fool.He treated you like garbage and you still treated him good.You need to file for child support,and after that the c/s office will put his name on your child's birth certificate.If you don't file for c/s you will never be able to get any government assistance like Medicaid for your child should you ever need it.You can't make him pay emotionally,but you can make him pay physically.And,yes he can always file for visitation or joint custody,which might be like hell for you since it will cost a lot for you to pay a lawyer and he has a wife now too.But,it sounds like he is a typical deadbeat dad.Before I filed for c/s my ex told me that if I did he would sue me for custody and visitation,and guess what he never did.



It even got to a point where I wished that he would because I knew that it would have shown that he really cared,he would have had to pay a lot of money to do so,and he would have got nothing more that joint or every other weekend.You just have to ask yourself if you think he is really going to go through all the trouble of hiring a lawyer and taking you to court for custody?At this point,I think that the only way he would do that is if the wife convinced him to for whatever reason.They will have to find you and serve you first though.That is why you need to change your number,move to a different place,and make it hard for him to track you and your child down,because I'm pretty at this point if he ever sues you for custody,it will be out of spite.That is why you need to be prepared.Make sure you don't pay a lawyer and court fees first because you won't get sole custody unless he is a druggy or something.And have plenty of emergency money saved up just in case he takes you to court.

User - posted on 09/29/2012

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Ya thats true I guess which seriously blows! I wish it didnt have to come to this at all.

Dove - posted on 09/29/2012

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Then you probably shouldn't have had sex with him.... because she IS his daughter. Half her dna came from that man and you will be connected to him for the rest of her life. Not saying that to be rude, but it's just a fact of life.



If you have PROOF that he's a danger... use it. Find out the law in your area on whether or not he can take her (I don't 'think' it's possible, but I don't know laws everywhere) without proof of paternity/a court order. If he can't.... the ball is in his court. If he's smart and he really wants to see her he will take you to court and will get visitation. Supervised or otherwise depending on the evidence against him.

User - posted on 09/29/2012

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Hes just a danger to himself let alone my daughter. I just wish to be done with it

Christina - posted on 09/29/2012

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I will have to look into this seeing I dont want him to have the upper hand on my daughter at all.

Vicki - posted on 09/29/2012

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Your right it is horrible of him to not be involved in his childs life, howerver i would still recomend going for custody and child support.

Christina - posted on 09/29/2012

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Well thats a good idea I guess but I dont have to worry about that right now seeing he wont even contact me regardless about our child. Which I think is horrible

Christina - posted on 09/29/2012

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I live in fl what you mean i dont have custody??? im the only one thats on the bc

Vicki - posted on 09/29/2012

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Unfortunately yes he still can have his visitations regardless of how verbally abusive or mentally abusive he is to you. Also depending on where you live you may not even have custody of your daughter, I would recomend that you go to court to get custody if you dont already have it!

Christina - posted on 09/29/2012

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Even though he is mentally and verbally abusive to me and acts like he could care less about our child

Michelle - posted on 09/29/2012

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yes all he has to do is prove paternity and a judge will give him visitation however the judge will also force him to pay child support as well.

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