Non custodial mother is being difficult with sports

Jackie - posted on 04/08/2015 ( 24 moms have responded )

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My children are grown, 18 and 19 so this is a question regarding my boyfriend and his sons mom. Child is 8 and my boyfriend is the one who has sole custody of child. Mother has parenting time. This is the 5th year my boyfriend has put his son in baseball and in the 4 previous years mother has only been to sons games a total of 3-4 times. Well this year 5 of the sons 10 games are on Tuesday with the games starting at 6pm. 6pm Tuesday is when the son goes with the mother (non custodial parent) and she has him for 48 hours. All previous years his games have started at 5pm and was able to get to mother on time at 6pm but this year its different. Father is obviously not in control of creating sons game time. Father told mom yesterday about sons baseball schedule and mother sent him a text saying she does not authorize him to keep the child past 6pm and he should of got written consent from her to put him in activiites when it interferes with her time. Father told mom via text that she was more than welcome to attend their sons games and take him with her from there. He even sent her the scedule along with a picture order form. He is not alienating her from coming to their sons games. He is in fact including her but she is insistant that son goes with her at her time even though it would mean their son would miss out on half of his baseball games which is something he enjoys very much and is quite excited about. She is rarely on time in picking the child up and doesnt show up until 6;25, or after 6:30 on numerous ocassions so I dont understand why now she is so insistant that she has child at 6pm. I would like whoevers reading this opinion if my boyfriend is in the wrong or is mother just being difficult.

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Dove - posted on 04/08/2015

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The mother is just being difficult. The child has been in baseball consistently for the previous 4 years and the judge would be well aware that the father can't dictate the days/times of the games. Parenting time is not supposed to interfere w/ a child's normal activities (what the judge told my ex when he didn't want to take our girls to their soccer game on his weekend... and that was only once/month).

Have him keep evidence of all the facts surrounding the situation and the proof that he let her know the times of the games and that SHE is more than welcome to be there and take the child from the games... and have him tell her if she still doesn't agree she can take him to court.

Dove - posted on 04/09/2015

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That is a good point Jodi, but it's also an activity that the kid has been in for 4 years already. It's just the game day that changed through no fault of their own and the father has sole custody which implies that the mother doesn't need to give permission. Right? Permission may be the polite thing to do, but as a mother who has full physical and legal custody of her kids... I don't need to ask my ex for permission for anything.

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Jodi - posted on 04/15/2015

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I agree that court orders need to be amended to include sporting commitments. Then mum can't be difficult. As it stands, dad was technically in the wrong here.

Sarah - posted on 04/15/2015

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This is a whole lot of drama about something that should not be so complex. To please all parties, best to get the order amended. Jackie, you've got a healthy attitude toward the whole mess, the boy is lucky to have your support.

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2015

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That's it, you can only be there for him.
All of the times she was late will go against her keeping the pick up time she has so he needs to get to court ASAP.

Jodi - posted on 04/15/2015

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So mum DOES have court ordered visitation and dad DID make a decision without consulting her that interfered with that. I don't care how many different ways you state it or justify it, the fact remains that dad did NOT consult her in this decision. He TOLD her but did not consult. What a slap to the face for her! I'm not suggesting she is not being difficult, she is, but honestly? Dad could have also handled this better. Letting mum know and consulting her are two totally different things.

Jackie - posted on 04/15/2015

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Yes I agree Michelle that he needs to go back and amend the court order and put something in it pertaining to sports and activities. Child was 2 when the order was initially made and now he is 8. Mother chooses to follow the court order when its convenient for her to do so. The father has 100 plus cards from the police station of times that mother was excessively late to pick up child or did not show up at all for child. In my opinion he should of took her back to court along time ago to address these issues but I have no say in the situation and can just give the father my opinion.

Michelle - posted on 04/15/2015

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If the court orders state that she gets him at 6pm then she can be difficult. The only way to amend it is to go back to court and get the orders changed.
Yes, I agree she is being very difficult but technically she is sticking by the court orders. Unfortunately the one who suffers most in this is the child.

Jackie - posted on 04/15/2015

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In response to Shawn Lively, yes dad did let mom know of the sons baseball game schedule the day he found out. He has had him in baseball for the past 5 years now so this is nothing new to mom. It just so happens this year 4 of the childs games are at the time the child is supposed to go with mom. You would think a parent would have no problem supporting the other parent putting the child in sports. Dad pays for everything. The fee, cleets, glove, etc. He doesnt ask mom to contribute a dime. And reality is if he asked for her permission to put him in sports she would say no. But he has full custody of their son. She has visitation. I wouldnt think he would need her permission.

Jackie - posted on 04/15/2015

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Yes there is. Court order states that mother gets child Tuesday at 6pm till Thursday at 6pm. The child would of been to her at the latest 7:15pm if she would of let him play his game. I get that yes its her time at 6pm and because of this she does not have to let child participate in his sports activity but,...shes very bitter towards the father. And whats most important is that the child is happy regardless of how you feel about the other parent. All she did was take him home with her when she got him yesterday. Its not like she had plans of her own with the child that him playing his baseball game would of disrupted. So what would of hurt to either go up to the park and see your child play his game and if not let his dad drop him off 1 hour later.
Father just told me he got a call from his sons teacher telling him that he has been misbehaving at school for the past two days and to please have a talk with him. So obviously this situation is affecting him and now he is acting out.

Jodi - posted on 04/15/2015

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So there is no court order that specifies the mother's visitation times?

Jackie - posted on 04/15/2015

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Wow so much feed back on here. Sorry I have not been on here sooner to respond. FYI My boyfriend has full custody, legal and physical. Because of her past actions child exchange is done at the police station but when there are times that they are on better terms mother would pick up child from fathers home then father would pick up child from mothers home. There has been alot of drama lately so child exhange has been at the police station again. But update on my initial question........Game day was yesterday. The mother wanted their child at 6pm. Again my boyfriend told her 1 hour before for her to go up to the park and watch their son play and take him with her from there. Or he would meet her at the station once his game was over so she could get their son. She refused. Wanted him at 6pm and that she would be at the police station. This little boy has been looking forward to playing his 1st game and had already changed into his uniform. When dad told the little boy he couldnt play his game because he had to go with his mom he started crying and asked to talk to his mom. Hes crying to his mom on the phone telling her he wants to play and to please let him play. She still said no. So dad had to have him change out of his uniform and had to take his son to the mother. I just dont understand how a mom can hear her child cry to participate in something that she could see was obviously important to him and still wouldnt bend. Granted in the past two weeks my boyfriend has let the mom keep their child and xtra 2 hours on 2 different ocassions because of activites she had going on with their son on her time but shes not willing to give 1 xtra hour for her son to be happy. To me thats just being cruel.

River - posted on 04/13/2015

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It sounds like mom is being selfish. Unfortunately in a lot of places the custodial parent can't schedule activities for the child if it could interfere with the other parents time. Maybe see if she will switch her day or something.

Trisha - posted on 04/10/2015

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...I think that the mother is being selfish by not going to these sports events to support her child. My husband has mentioned the fact that he is still upset at the fact that his mother never went to any of his sports events when he was a kid.

Dove - posted on 04/10/2015

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No.. he didn't. He tried to make an issue out of it in court (also the fact that I was there to watch the sports claiming I was 'interfering' w/ his visitation simply by watching them play) and the judge basically told him tough luck because the kids had a right to maintain their normal activities.

We all have different experiences and stuff though... so I'm not going to say the OP is automatically right... since I have no clue what their situation is specifically. All I know is my situation... ;) I do have full legal and physical custody and my ex does still have visitation rights... but I have the right to make any and all decisions. If he doesn't LIKE a decision I have made he can certainly present it to the court, but then it is up to the judge to rule.

Then again... that's for visitations where we live (which he hasn't taken in 4.5 years). I can not make decisions that interfere w/ visitations where HE lives... but then to get to where he lives is an hour and a half by two separate plane rides. lol

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/10/2015

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Honestly? Dad should have consulted with mom when he found out that the new schedule would interfere with her visitation times, rather than assuming that she'd be OK with that.

In reality, obviously that didn't happen. How do you think this kid feels? His dad puts him in sports, his mom doesn't support that. This kid, at 8, has one thing on his mind when it comes to that, and its 'how do I make both mom and dad happy'?

Honestly, OP, your boyfriend needs to be more open with his ex, and they need to CO PARENT. rather than working against each other.

Jodi - posted on 04/10/2015

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Where I live, sole physical custody is different to sole legal custody (or guardianship). I have sole legal custody, but not sole physical custody because his father has visitation rights. I cannot make ANY decisions that will affect his father's visitation unless consulting him first, UNLESS it has to do with things such as medical or education, but does not include extra-curricular sport. (OK, my son is now almost 18, so it is kind of no longer relevant, but that is how it was for many years).

So your ex had no say in sports games if it interfered with his legally allocated visitation?

Raye - posted on 04/10/2015

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Your ex-wife-in-law sounds like mine. Mine would take her son out of basketball practices 15-30 minutes early just because she was tired of waiting and pretended to care about their dinner/bed times on those nights. Yet, later in the week, she would frequently drop them off after bedtime without having fed them dinner. I don't understand some people.

Dove - posted on 04/10/2015

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*Child is 8 and my boyfriend is the one who has sole custody of child.

That's where I got my assumption that it is up to the father to legally make these decisions. ;) Granted, I don't know THEIR situation specifically... but I do know in my case my ex only had visitation once/month and he had zero say legally about taking them to their soccer games.

Jodi - posted on 04/10/2015

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I never said the mother wasn't being difficult. I'm simply saying that it is her prerogative if it is her time.

Raye - posted on 04/10/2015

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This was a sport that the boy participated in for 4 years. He was probably enrolled this year believing that the schedule would not be a problem. Once the schedule came out, it sounds like he discussed it with the boy's mother. Still seems to me that the mom is being difficult.

Jodi - posted on 04/09/2015

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Actually, Dove, if it imposes on his time (in particular if it is court ordered), you do have to discuss it with him. I would never presume to have put my son in a sport that imposed on his father's time without discussing it with him first, as I could have been accused of breaking the court ordered visitation. Even if it is a sport he has been doing for 4 years. As I said, she is being a bitch about it, but he should also have discussed it with her BEFORE making the decision to impose on her time. So they are both in the wrong in this situation in my opinion.

The OP never said the father has full legal custody, just that she was a non-custodial mother, which isn't necessarily the same thing. It's just shitty co-parenting on both parts.

Raye - posted on 04/09/2015

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The mother is being difficult. It's not taking her time, as she's welcome to be there. And an hour or so wouldn't make much of a difference; she's still getting the boy on her day. So, she should be a reasonable adult and deal with it.

Jodi - posted on 04/09/2015

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"he should of got written consent from her to put him in activiites when it interferes with her time."

Actually, she's right here. He should have sought her permission if the activity was going to interfere with her time. It's not like she got a say in it - dad just decided. Sure, she seems to be doing this to be difficult, but maybe she's making a point? That dad has no right to make these decisions without consulting her? I'd be pissed off if my ex made plans for my son that affected me without consulting me too. Sure, I'd handle it in a different way, but still.....

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