Non-Social

Joyce - posted on 08/30/2011 ( 23 moms have responded )

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I have noticed that my 23 month old does not like to interact with other kids. Should I be worried about this? I feel so bad for him when we are out visiting his cousin's and they are all playing and he just sits in the corner by himself. It just breaks my heart. We have never put him in daycare. But we try to interact him as much as possible with other kids. Please help!

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Pamela - posted on 08/31/2011

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nottobean alarmist, but I am the parent of a nine year old, who has autism, which affects socialization, speech/ language abilities. does your son have at least 50 spoken words? does he respond to you and others calling his name? Does he point to show you and others things in his environment? Does your son have good eye contact? imay be jumping the gun, but if you answer, " yes" to one or all of the above questions, he may have a developmental delay and/ or autism. there's a wide range of levels of it, and some young ones go under the radar as far as being diagnosed with it. I hope I'm wrong and Imay be since I don't know your son at all and don't have all of the details. hope I am of some help.

Linda - posted on 08/30/2011

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Children, especially boys, often do not directly interact with other children until they are a little older--maybe 3 or 4. Often, they will play side by side, but do their own thing. If he is happy playing by himself, I wouldn't worry about it. Also, if you are visiting cousins, there may be new toys there that fascinate him so much more than his relatives! :)

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Alexandra - posted on 09/01/2011

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at this age he should not be in the corner. he could be playing as a paralell play, that's normal, but not the way you are describing. It behooves you to research about this. how is he with you? and with other adults?

Gaynor-Marie - posted on 08/31/2011

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I would recommend reading http://www.amazon.de/gp/aw/d/0553378252/...
My oldest 3 now very outgoing confident teenagers ( 2 boys and a girl) were all reluctant to play with other children at that age till they had checked out the way the others were interacting. They would normally join in after roughly an hour. This time got shorter as they got older. They will still take a couple of minutes now in a new environment. Also agree parallel play is normal at that age.
I would not recommend daycare till he can communicate affectively with you and other kids. But I would recommend playgroup or a mothers group where you can model good social interactions with him and he can practice his assessment skills, social skills and you can see how other kids his age interact or don't as the case may be .

S - posted on 08/31/2011

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Go online and download a developmental milestone checklist - use to make an honest assessment of what your child does and does not do - do not try to assess "can't" versus "won't", just think about what happens and how often. Take that list to your doctor or better yet go to a developmental pediatrician. The range of behavior for children this young is very wide, but if you do need to make some special efforts for him it is better to start now, and if you need to do day care you will ahve a good picture of waht your child is like and what he needs.

I ahve three kdis they are all different and all have differnt social profiles - you will need to follow your heart while using your head.

Phuong - posted on 08/31/2011

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try adult schools and parks and recs in your area for mommy and me groups or parent participation groups for kids her age. At around that age my girls were clingy to me and that passes but my husband would take them to the park and they were more willing to participate if mommy wasn't there for safety. They don't cling to my husband so it was better that he did things with them. They go through phases...don't worry.

Dawn - posted on 08/31/2011

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I have a 20 year old and a 7 year old. My 20 year old sounds alot like your little one. The only difference was she would sit in the closet when we had company. I did put her in head start at age 3 so she would have the inter action with others her age. My 7 year old has been in day care since 2 months old I had to go back to work. I feel she is doing much better then the older because I did get her in day care. Check some churches have mothers day out where moms get together and go out while the kids stay at the church and are watched or check and see if maybe you can find a day care one or two days a week. that is myu opinoin I wish you the best on what ever you do

Sarah - posted on 08/31/2011

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O and as far as interaction u don't have to jump into day care! Go to the park, set up play dates where u are still part of it. If he is shy his confidence will grow. My oldest is going to preschool this yr at 3 for a couple hours 2 days a week and we go to church where he plays with other kids and I think he is just fine without all day care.

Sarah - posted on 08/31/2011

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I'm not going to read everyones post so if isnwas stated b4, sorry. I worked in a preschool for a few years. Typically most children do not interact play until 3! Before then it's side by side...doing there own thing near other children. Do you get down on the floor and interact play with him? This can show him how to play with someone else, but you really shouldn't be too concerned unless there r other developmental issues. I think it's great when kids know how to play on their own! And don't forget how much they can change in just a few weeks! Plus, girls tend to play nicer together, more sharing and nurturing. Be patient, boys r a blast!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/31/2011

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I wouldn't put him in daycare unless you actually need it (like going back to work). Maybe your church has a Mother's Morning Out Program? My son is the same age and prefers to play by himself. He'll play next to someone, but only interacts with a few kids. In fact, I like when he's content because he's at the age of not sharing and taking things from others. I take him to a Mommy and Me class once a week and also put him in the nursery while we attend church. He gets social interaction at those places, and the rest of the time he's with me at home or visiting friends. I wouldn't worry too much about it. He'll come out of his shell and then you'll be wondering why you were so worried!! ha ha!

Anja - posted on 08/31/2011

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I agree that you do not have to worry. My son, (almost 3) IS in daycare and still likes to take some time out from his friends and spend some time alone. As many here have said, children do not necessarily interact directly but play side by side. Enjoy the smiles... and don't worry about your 'loner'.

Neva - posted on 08/30/2011

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This sounds pretty typical of a 23 month old. If he is on the shy side, that's just his personality, nothing wrong with that. Most 2 year olds do not engage in interactive play with other children. They may do parallel play, where they do similar things but seperately. By the time a child is 3 or 4 they become more social.

Stifler's - posted on 08/30/2011

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I agree with JuLeah maybe he just likes to play alone. Some people are like that.

Jennifer - posted on 08/30/2011

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My daughter is the same way and is not in daycare either. I decided to put her in Mothers Day Out. It's only 2 days a week. Today was her 1st day and she cried when we first got there but when I picked her up she said she had fun. I asked her if she wanted to go back and she said yes. Maybe you could try something like MDO or something else part-time.

Lis - posted on 08/30/2011

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Totally normal not to interact. He may be shy or overwhelmed in new situations. You may want to try to sit with him and see if one of the other children would go over to him instead of him going over to them. I wouldn't be concerned unless he's showing signs of autism. For example no speech, rocking eyc

Shazeeda - posted on 08/30/2011

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Give him time ,I know it's sad you th to play and have fun,I went through it with my son, he still does he own thing and not interface but getting much at the age of 4

Jennifer - posted on 08/30/2011

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While I agree with the other posts that's he's probably fine, it would be wise to share your concerns with a medical professional. There are conditions like autism which can look a lot like that at first.

Naomi - posted on 08/30/2011

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Daycare is the best thing you could do!! My son was like that and i put him into daycare and it was like an instant turnaround, he loves playing with other kids! I don't know why people would not put their kids in daycare it helps so much when going to school!

Joyce - posted on 08/30/2011

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Thank you. I try not to listen to people. It really just gets old. I mean from the time I wake up til the time I go to bed, thats all I hear. I have a fear of daycare's. The fact that he's not old enough to tell me if something has happened to him, just terrifies me. And people just don't understand that. They say I'm TO PROTECTIVE!!! They make smart remarks about it. Like. "OH NO they are going to drop a daycare on him". And say stuff like what am I going to do when he starts school. But thanks for the advice.

Linda - posted on 08/30/2011

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Don't listen to people who tell you to put your child in daycare for social interaction! That's ridiculous! What children need most at that age is to be with their mothers. As I said before, "social interaction" at age 2 mostly consists of children grabbing toys away from other children! :) Seriously, they usually play "side by side" but not WITH other kids at this age. He is happy; don't worry!

Joyce - posted on 08/30/2011

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I feel bad because he just sits all by himself. He may be the shy type. Of course he would take after me on that topic. People have told me its because I don't put him in daycare is why he acts like that. But as far as him being happy. I don't think he could be happier. He always has a smile on his face. He NEVER cries. The only time he does cry is when its nap time, or when he gets hurt.

JuLeah - posted on 08/30/2011

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Why do you feel bad for him? Maybe he is happy. Your vision of what he ought to be doing is just that, your vision.

Some kids like to sit and watch. Maybe, when ready, will just in and play. Some people are just wired to like one-on-one and not ever be social butterflies

I'd not make a big deal out of this. Not based on what you have said here.

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