Not a issue with my daughter-in-law but her mother

Dawn - posted on 06/25/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm feeling very hurt and came seem to move out of it... My one and only child - son marries a very nice girl they had two wonderful son's ... the issues I'm having and don't know what to do... I can talk to my son but that all the father it goes... when ever we are out dil with the boys I'm told not to put out on fb because she would never hear the end of it from her parents... but then it's ok for her mom to post things.. as I don't have her mom on my fb anymore her mom will tag my mil & son so I can see it ... yes I'm hurt because her mom gets to share her happiness but I can't... I ask my daughter-in-law if I could take my grandson the only at the time to the zoo ..oh no I can't.. then just today I seen a tag post by her mom what a great day at the zoo with my boys .. making memories...Why can't I make memories too ...I want to blow up but I know I better not.. I'm so hurt because these boys are part mine too

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Duse1 - posted on 06/27/2015

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My 4 month old Grandson lives with my Daughter and soon to be SIL.. right now because they are saving for a down payment on a house, they live with HIS family. I want to say I never get jealous and for the most past I am mature and do not.. BUT I wish I had closer contact with my Daughter and my new Grandson.. I just make the most of what ever time I do have with them.. it is not quantity but quality that counts, , I am the other Grandma on that side of things so I know their feelings, Still I don't blame them because they have my daughter living right there with them , In fact, I have a pretty good relationship with the other Grandparents.. She has me on her FB,, she actually shares pictures that she takes with me.. and comments things like See what your Grandson is doing now.. I appreciate her and her husbands help.. I just hope when it is time for them to finally move out she is ready for that separation.. it will be hard for her I am sure,, I hope she can sit back like I have and let them do what they feel is best for their new family.

I think you should talk to the other Grandparents,, play on their emotions.. send them a pic of the Grand kids,, but don't make it sound like you are bragging, but rather sharing and wanting them a part of the relationship and moment.. This is up to you and them to come to a solution..
seeings how you have them right there on the farm and can see them when ever you like I would let her have a few more posts of pictures then you yourself have,, I mean what is the harm in that..
Talk to you DIL first.. explain what you intend to do. tell her you want her parents to come to the farm for dinner one night,have a family day..
I too own a farm with my brother's. even though I can't live there at this time, We always have Sundays as our day of rest and this is family time. we have a cook out or some type of special meal..
Every week might be a bit much for you,, that is our time and it works out well for us..BUT how about one Sunday a month or even a Saturday..
Invite the In-laws, show them a good time. and while they are there sit back and let them have fun with the Grandchildren while you just enjoy everyone else's attention.. let them see that these Grandchildren while they live next door are not with you 24-7 make it a day about them sharing, with out making it really noticeable of course..

At times like this, even though I know some people don't read or care about the bible much,, and I am not a great giver of speech from the scriptures either,, but I do remember stories my mom read to me when I was young.. and I remember this story the most..
It was of King Solomon and how he handled a dispute over two women claiming to be the mother of one infant..
he settled the fight by saying he would cut the child in half giving each woman a half . , The impostor that was jealous because she had no child who did not care about the child welfare,said Sure go ahead, kill the child and give me half,
The True mother who loved and wanted nothing but Good for her child, said NO let her have the child she is the true mother.
The King being wise of course gave the child to it's real mother.

My point, I always sacrifice a little of my feelings, not fighting or wanting more time for me concerning my Grandchild simply because I want what is best for my Grandson.. I want him growing up knowing I love his other Grandparents.. so he does not feel awkward or upset any time we have a family get together.. Why should I do this.. Because like that mother want my Grandson to grow up with a since of feeling loved by the both of us,, feeling secure that he did nothing wrong to make his Grandparents act the way they do.. because I am the adult and I never want my children or my Grandchildren to choose which Grandparent to invite over at a given time, fearing, their might be a fight or bad feelings, because if you don't truly try to love these In-Laws and just be polite, the children will pick up on it.. making them feel uneasy, insecure even .. and life is hard enough out there,, shouldn't they feel safe where their elders are concerned at least..

So Love these people, open your heart to them.. Ask the other Grandmother to go shopping with you.. have you ever tried at a relationship with her,, never mind the children right now.. you might actually like her.. I mean you said you love your DIL, well this woman raised her.. so be the first to reach out to her.. She is after all family now. Sometimes we give a stranger on the street more consideration then we do our In laws.. besides this will make you the good guy,, in everyone's eyes,, don't you think.

Good Luck, I realize also that the other people involved need to help in the relationship. So this is not totally on you... HUGSS

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Dawn - posted on 04/12/2016

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Since I wrote this first post I can now say this grandma got some therapy had it out with my son he now understands my feelings as well. yes, this grandma (sons mil) is still the same do I let her get to me . No I have now put myself as a grandmom to my two grand-babbies and it's me that get to enjoy these beautiful grand-babies and I learned it wasn't me that have issues it was her.. I was told that if dil wants to do nothing by standing up to the parents .I don't need to worry if I say or do something to tick her parents off and her parent yell at her and say all these control things to her.. I never lived in that at 32 I would of had to put my parents in their place if they involved themselves in my life ..I again it is what it is. My husband and I have allowed these parents to control what he can buy for our grandbabies. Grandpa was pretty hurt when he went out and bought a gift and then had to return it all because my son's wife start saying it has to return my life will be hell if we keep it due to her parents. Now my husband understands how I felt. I felt instead of asking son & wife we have to ask her parents first.. not going happen. When this happen I told them I will have grandpa take it back. We will no longer allow these parents to take control of our lives too. I have now blocked her from my facebook so I can't see or she can' see when posting... I'm no longer hooked in her evil ways of life.

Dawn - posted on 06/29/2015

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I wish it could be that easy with my dil's mother.. facebook sharing pics really means nothing..that is just the start the dil's mother & I was freinds on facebook she delete me as she couldn't deal with me posting pic's I would put nothing on pic's I made her happy..

I have been told to go and talk with dil's mother but I can't do to this..this lady will turn something sweet around to make matters worse for my dil.. See it all comes down to my dil how her mother treats her. I have decided to go to my son talk with him then to my dil just tell her what my feelings are.. Think it will have to be my dil to step in ...

I do love my sweet dil and she includes me alot.. here is one issues that first came across ..dil called says hey Nana J wants to go to my doctor's appointment with me so wondering if you could go with us.. so Nana has time so dil came back it's my second ultrasound can you please not post it on fb so my mom don't see it you know she so jealous ...so yes understand and don't .. I do feel sorry for dil to have to deal with a mother like that.. not only she deals with her mom but her dad calls because of a mad mom.. it's just all messed up ... I just want us all to be proud grandparents for both these grandsons we share together.. I did want to tell you your post did help to read and Thank you it does help me my feelings is starting to get brighter .. I'm going t talk with dil & son about these feelings..

as for dil's mom she wants nothing to do with us ... she make smart remarks like I can't compete with you guys.. I told her who is competing and why? she said I could never give what you & grandpa can.. so I said it's not about buy things for these two boys it about spending time and love with these boys .. you don't have to spend a dime to do that.. I did tell her I was not and will not compete that's not what grandparents do..

you do have a good relationship with the other grandma..your right things will get easier I do see that you have so much love ..I wish I could have that with the other grandma it could make things so much happier..

Dawn - posted on 06/27/2015

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No I share only to my family and close friends I do not allow anyone on my facebook if I don't know you my settings is very private you really can't find me on facebook do to my settings I do not even allow people on that are friends of friend... I have been very nice.. this other grandparent is very jealous of me for some reason.. well I think I do know .. our son is the only child his 2 sons our are only 2 grandchildren we will have .. he is a part of our family farm son and his family live right next door to us .. no I don't get to see my grandsons every day .. no I don't get to spend or make memories with these two boys because if that other grandparent hears all heck breaks out on my dil so there for she keeps those grandsons very low key for spending time or making memories with my grandson..

Duse1 - posted on 06/26/2015

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I would ask nicely if I could post pics and memories too, if they say NO ask why not when the other Grandparents get to. then tell them they won't get to see them,, only your closes friends will. you will keep it very private.. I do not share my Grandchild's pics with anyone but family.. so make sure you are safe out there..

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