Not a mom but I need advice

Shawn - posted on 07/21/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have an issue concerning my child and would appreciate advice or some opinions. I am a single father of a 10 year old daughter. I have been a single father for 7 years now. Her mother was not really around for 5 of those years. We get along ok for the most part but we don't see eye to eye when it comes to what's best for our child. We recently had a big argument and I'm not sure how to move forward. As a parent, I do not bring girlfriends around my child until a good amount of time has passed. I date when I have free time without her. Her mother isn't really the same. She has always wanted to rush to have people meet our daughter and I put a stop to it for a long time and for good reason. Her longest relationship was with an abusive person and even with the abuse, the fist fights and the threats, she still begged me to allow this person around. Her taste in people has gotten better but she still wants to rush. She started a new relationship about a month ago. She has known this person for a year or so but they were 3000 miles apart for most of that time. Now they are in the same town and they are together every single day. This person sleeps over just about every night. My daughter spends a couple days a week with her mom and sees the new love interest as much as she sees her mother. I didn't realize that this person was sleeping over every night until my daughter told me that her mom wakes her up and moves her to the couch whenever this person sleeps over. This is where my serious issue is and what our argument was about. We where over the house today and our daughter was going to spend the night until I asked her mother if her friend was sleeping over(daughter sleeps in moms bed). She said yes and told me that our daughter likes sleeping on the couch. I told her that she shouldn't wake her up and mover her to the couch to make room for someone else and that if that's how it would be, she would come home and sleep in her own bed. She freaked out and started to tell me that she will do what she wants and she is tired of me being in her business. It is in our custody agreement that we agree when it's time to introduce our child to new love interests but that's not even my biggest concern right now. what do I do? Am I wrong or making a big deal about nothing?

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Jodi - posted on 07/22/2016

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Unfortunately, unless it is specified in your court orders, there is probably very little you can do. Maybe it is time to revisit the orders? It is definitely inappropriate that your ex moves the child out of her bed to allow this other person in, and I am sure that would be frowned upon by the courts - at the very least she should have her own bed/bedroom at her mothers if she is staying overnight. With my son, that was one thing I was able to get into the court orders, that my son have his own room and own bed. As a result, he was unable to stay over with his dad for a couple of years - he came home to sleep.

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Dove - posted on 07/22/2016

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What do your court orders say about the sleeping arrangements? The fact that she doesn't have her own bed at her mother's house would be reason enough for me to take it to court immediately. Now, I have no problem w/ the mother and child sleeping together if the child is OK w/ that, but she should have her own bed AVAILABLE... and not be bumped out on the couch on mom's 'whims'.

I know that my kids are allowed to share rooms w/ their step/half siblings (same genders in same rooms now that they are older... there's 3 of each if they are all together), but each child HAS to have their own bed. Period.

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