Not all fathers are deadbeats.

Kieran - posted on 05/18/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I had a look at some of the messages on here from single mums complaining about fathers that are not in their kids life's, or don't know their kids. first of all, not all fathers(there's some) that don't want anything to do with their kids, in most cases the mother does everything she can to stop the child and father from being in each others life's and knowing each other. My daughter will be 3 this year, and i've not seen her since she was 2mnths old, now i tried everything i could for 2yrs to get my daughters bitch ass of a mother to let me see kayla, but she always did everything to stop that from happening, and that killed me no end, i was at the bottom of the well, i couldn't get any further down in life, the constant heartache and pain of not being in kayla's life tore my heart to pieces. it was destroying my life, and it got to a point where i had to realise that it is the way it is, rebuild my life and move on. i always txt'd, emailed, and msg'd her asking how kayla is, and all i got back was she's fine, that's if she didn't ignore me all together, she got pure enjoyment out of my heartache. so i moved on with my life, met someone new, and became a father to a beautiful little girl, Melissa. and when kayla's mum found out about this through my lawyer, she started being even more of a bitch, coming out with things such as, i abandoned my kayla, never wanted anything to do with her and other crap like this. well it didn't work on me, she chose to run away back home to her family with my daughter, and cut me off completely, NOT me. then after 2 yrs she txt's me asking why i haven't bothered to ask about kayla!, wtf!!, cheeky cow. if kayla wants to see me when she's 16, then she can get in touch, but nothing will happen before then, because i will NEVER agree to see her mum or her family EVER again. so what i'm saying to all u single mums out there, yes some fatyhers are assholes, but not all, so do NOT be putting all the blame on us guys, take a good long hard look in the mirror first before u's try and say it's all the fathers fault.

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Ev - posted on 05/18/2014

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Ahhh, wow. And I want to visit there someday. Yes, you pegged me right, American. I have been divorced for 12 years this year. It was not an easy road to go through either. I was so afraid that their dad would try to turn the children we had together (boy and girl) away from me early on. They went to live with their dad on my decision because 1) oldest wanted to go to school where dad lived, 2) could not see putting them through a lot of stress and worry about where they would live every few months, and 3) they hurt more than the parents do and could not make them pawns. So, I did the only thing I could do: focus on them. It worked! Here I am 12 years later with the youngest graduating high school next spring and I am very close with my two kids and have a lot to be thankful for. There are still issues with their dad where the youngest is concerned but I got this far and its only another year. I also have two grandkids too. I just hope that you get the chance to see your girl when she is old enough to find out about you because I do know that if she finds that her mother kept information on you from her this whole time, Kayla will come to resent her mom from doing so and come and find you on her own. I hope she does. She needs to know you did what you could to be with her.

Kieran - posted on 05/18/2014

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Thanx for u'r kind words, but let me just say this. i tried so so hard to see kayla, using a lawyer to try and get access and visits, i tried and tried and tried to get this to happen, but to no avail. she kept on coming out with lies to make it harder for me, more restricted. this was also starting to affect my relationship with my new partner, because she could see the stress and anguish it has and was still causing me, not to mention the fact that claire was heavily pregnant at this time, and i didn't want any more undue stress on her and the unborn baby, so that's when i had to get things in order, think about my family, and ended all this nitemare by giving kayla's mum what she wanted, i dropped the court case, let them get on with their lives, and did the same with mine. As for the money, i offered and offered her money for kayla till i was blue in the face, and all i ever got back was, we don't need or want u'r money, i can do this myself with the help of my family. so after many many mnths of getting told this, i stopped offering her anything. i will only offer help or something to someone for so long, and if i keep getting told no, then i stop offering. i'm guessing that u'r from America!, i'm in scotland, and laws involving this are different over here.

Ev - posted on 05/18/2014

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I am sorry for your pain and loss of chances to be with your daughter. I am glad that you got the chance to move on and cope with it and even start a family. But one thing bothers me in your post, even though you said you called, texted, and tried to communicate with mom the whole time since Kayla was 2 months of age, why did you not fight harder for your daughter or to at least have visitation enforced? That is called Parental Alienation and you can take mom back to court and file for full custody over that alone. If you have jotted down all the calls and dates and what you said in them it would be proof that you tried. Also were you paying child support? Was there a court order to begin with?

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