Not being able to see my grandchildren

Ms Karen - posted on 05/01/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 36 years old now and has had twin boys 18 months ago...She has not had contact with me for over thirteen years and believe me I have tried to have contact yet she does refuse...She came to her sisters funeral 14 years ago and came and seen me at my home where I down loaded Albums of photos for her and then I received a letter in the post the next day saying she no longer wanted me in her life...I have carried that greif with me along with my other Daughters loss all these years and I have asked to see her and have contact with her and my grandsons now 18 months old and have been denied this ...I do wear this ever day and want to know why am I being treated like this...Unfortunatley she does feel above me and has let this be know in earlier years and I have to be honest I do need so advice as I do feel very worthless as I want to be able to be a grand parent to my grand children...I have had Salvatio Army contact her on my behalf as I know she lives in Adelaide SA where I do not know and she has said she wishes not to see me...Please help

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Ms Karen - posted on 05/02/2014

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Thank you for you kind words...I feel that you do understand how I am feeling.
It is like a Road with out a bridge and I am stuck on the one side.
I am going to follow up on your advice as I do know I have a lot of Love and Care in me and there is a child / children / family out there that does need me and visa versa.
I am going to have a look at some options in regards to this...
your encouragement has opened a new door in my life and I will be entering it...
kindest regards and respect Karen

Ms Karen - posted on 05/02/2014

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Deniseanne was a lot different to the other children I had....
I dihave four children
She was a lot of times putting the others down and putting her nose up at them....
I use to let this ride as unfortunately I was on low self esteem...
I us to work in a local tip and even coming home and after a shower and organizing tea I would often offer to help with their home work Deniseanne would say things like mum can't help you on the computer she works in a tip...or mum wouldn't now...
When Deniseanne was 16 and had finished year 13 as she was undecided what she wanted to be in regards to her working life she did Matriculation and then did a extra year to decide what career path she wanted to endeavor...
The was offered a Scolarship with SGIC and also a position in tafe to do a teacher degree...I was very Proud of her...
She did choose to be with SGIC... I use to meet in the Rundle Mall in Adelaide once a week and if I laughted she would tell me of for embarrassing her and she would always walk ahead of me...
To be honest after months of doing this she started to change her mind about seeing me and
I asked her why and she would just stay that she was having lunch with her friends and she did not want to have lunch with me any more...
I was rather unhappy and yet at the same time I knew I did not have to go home with tears in my eyes for the way I was treated...Yes I would leave after being with her feeling like nobody...
Yet I believe it was around a month and I asked if we could see each other as she had moved to live with her boyfriend and she said she did not want to...
I did try to find out why and the more I asked the more she was determined to not see me...I asked if I had said or done something to hurt her and she would just say I don't want to see you and if you keep harassing me I will get the police...I saw Deniseanne for her sisters funeral and then she came to my home to get some pictures down loaded of the computer and then I received the letter saying she does not want me in her life...

Ms Karen - posted on 05/02/2014

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My other Daughter Tracey died from a drug overdose....She never smoked or drunk and had just started taking it ....In the week end she passed away there was another 10 people that had died from the same drugs as my daughter took...it came from Melbourne and was believed to have originally came from China...

Tanya - posted on 05/01/2014

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Did something happen? Something must have happened for her not to want to talk to you...

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/01/2014

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If she's not willing to allow contact, there's really not a lot you can do. However, since you're in the States...Have you looked into Foster Grandparent programs? There are a bunch out there, that will pair folks, such as yourself, who have a lot of love to give, with a child or children who don't have a grandparent.

In our area, they also run those programs in conjunction with the hospitals and school districts. In the school district, the foster grandparents volunteer in area schools, and are available for the kids to interact with, to help support the kids' emotional needs. Actually, in thinking about it, my kids still talk about 'grandma Ruth', who was the foster grandma at their elementary school...even though their grandparents have been involved with them regularly. Grandma Ruth always has a smile and a hug for her 'kids', and never fails to recognize them now that they're grown.

In the hospitals, Grandmas are available to help parents of young children out by sitting in the room with the child whilst mom/dad get a breather, or providing respite care for those folks who have children with chronic medical conditions. We interacted with several when my eldest was going through his first round of hospital stays when he was two...and I can't tell you what a relief those ladies were for us!

I know it breaks your heart that you can't be grandma to your biological grandkids right now, but you have so much love to give, share it with those in your area who will appreciate you and love you back.

Best of luck!

Jodi - posted on 05/01/2014

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Did she say why she doesn't want to see you? I find it very odd that she would just refuse to see you with no explanation, especially as there was a letter. How did your other daughter die?

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