Not getting along as well with my mom after birth???

Chantel - posted on 10/23/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

30

0

11

A couple weeks I had my daughter, I started to get really annoyed with my mother... It's not just advice she tries to give me, it's more of the lack of stuff she seems to know. Like not holding the bottle up, so no air gets through the nipple... My other issue is she lives with my grandfather (he's self sufficient no health issues) because rent is too expensive. Yet she's always broke. And insists on blowing money. I kindof don't want my daughter around her alone, my mother is so... Irresponsible in her own life? Like always. I feel bad for this resentment, but maybe need to vent? Anyone else similar to this?

4 Comments

View replies by

User - posted on 10/24/2013

294

0

102

you know what when i had my first born son lol i thought that i was the only one that could tell my babys needs and i was the only one that was good at it lol i still think that way with now my second baby a little girl, cause when i saw my parents or there dad take care of them with me around they didnt seem to do well as i would like but i had to think to my self hey why would they need todo a good job if im there haha you know ?? my mom was a good mom but i see her sometimes and im like ok so maybe dhe could watch her the baby for 3 hours or so not over night not 6 hours you know? but see my mom has had strokes and my dad has had heart attacks so its different for me and still if anything happened theyd call me lol that feeling you have sorry to say never gos away only a good mom thinks she can do better have a good day remember to take breaks it helps

Chantel - posted on 10/24/2013

30

0

11

I don't give her money, learnt not to years ago. But maybe it is just new mom jitters, bringing out what I always felt deep down. Not other issues, just spending. I guess I'm afraid to hurt her feelings? Thanks for your reply! :) feel a bit better. I just need to chill out a bit haha.

User - posted on 10/23/2013

294

0

102

well i think that if u feel its not right lets say to be with her than dont how old is ur kid?? if ur baby is not old enough to hold her bottle then she shouldnt be to affected on what ur mom does,, and not holding the bottle up right once in a while isnt going to hurt her i have two kids 10years and 10 months stop giving her money if u r maybe see her at a public place like go out to eat then she wont have to feed ur baby and u can leave if u want to

Rebekah - posted on 10/23/2013

344

4

132

I'm sure what you're experiencing is not unusual! Hormones no doubt are heightening your feelings. Many moms get extremely protective of their babies, even with their spouses. I know for myself, I saw myself become more of a micro manager than I've ever been with feeding and sleep schedules, researching proper ways to do this and that... and it becomes very easy to get frustrated when others are not tending to your child in the same way you would.

But that aside, I wonder if times/practices have changed such that your mom is genuinely unfamiliar with the methods you have? My mom didn't have carseats and diaper genies and today's gadgets back when I was born... practices were different too, with sleeping on stomachs, etc. that are advised against today. I don't know what generation your mom is, but things evolve over time and people just forget, I think. Try to take a deep breath and have patience with her as she may be going through a learning curve too. My MIL raised 6 kids, but I would still find myself taking issue with some of her choices. In retrospect, I can see how my anxiety as a new parent came out in some controlling behaviors. (I"m a bit more relaxed, now that my son is 7, ha ha!) Although... that issues doesn't necessarily go away once they grow... I still get baffled at how my own mom (very educated, responsible, worked with children her whole life) can make choices that I wouldn't ("you let him go on the internet unsupervised???" "You let him watch that movie?" "He ate cookies for snack?") (some of that is generational... not understanding media/pop culture issues of today...some not---like the cookies...grandparents will spoil their grandkids) (but I digress)

Anyway, the other thing you mention, about seeing your mom as irresponsible in general... I think once we have children we look at things differently. It ups the ante. Now that your mom is in a position where she would have some degree of influence over your child, it makes you look at that more closely, whereas you may have avoided that issue before. It makes sense. How you feel is simply how you feel. If you have valid reasons for not trusting your mother to care for your daughter unsupervised, then that is your call. But I would encourage you to find other ways to build the relationship between them. You may reach a point when you need to have an honest conversation with your mom about how you feel. And a larger issue... do you think your mom needs additional help of some kind to help get her life more in order? Does she have other issues she's dealing with where she may need your encouragement to face them? Just tossing that out as a possibility.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms