Not getting anywhere! Not listening and no respect!

Denae - posted on 09/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have 3 girls, 11, 6, and 5. And the oldest is my stepdaughter, and I am having a real hard time getting her to follow simple rules and not be disrespectful to me or others. And I see m two youngest acting the same way now. I have tried timeouts, taking things away, lecturing, not letting her go places or buy her things. Nothing is working so far. I am frustrated!! Because like I said all three of my girls are now acting this way and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions moms out there??


Ariana - posted on 09/21/2012




Unfortunately you are the step-parent so it is important that the father show that he agrees and supports these rules. Actually even that he is the one who has set up these rules. For step-daughter you are the enforcer of rules that the father has made. Not to say you need him to enfore every rule, not to down-play your role here, but it's like with a babysitter. A babysitter doesn't decide what rules are followed by the children, if the childs parent decides they go to bed at 9 they can't put them to bed at 10, you know? I know that might come off as offensive but unfortunately you are NOT her mother and she may feel resentment towards you telling her what to do. Her father needs to make it clear that this is not how he wants her to act and that he and you will make sure she abides the rules he wants her to.

As for the rest of it you may want to work on specific behaviors, one at a time. At 11 she realizes what she's doing. A time-out is not really effective with this age I don't think. Grounding may be but you're really grounding yourself (not to say don't do that just keep that in mind).

For talking disrespectfully I would tell her that any time she speaks disrespectfully any argument/conversation you were having is officially over and she needs to go to her room. I would also try to remain calm because she is trying to get a reaction from you. You could tell her she can come down when she can speak respectfully to you.

For not listening it really depends on the situation. You could try the most natural consequences you can think of. You may want to be more specific.

If she is really unwilling to listen maybe there is an underlying issue? You might want to sit her down and talk to her and ask her what's going on. Maybe she feels like she's being bossed around and is to old for that now? Sometimes sitting down and brain-storming with a child on how to solve a problem can help them feel like they've got some control of the situation. So if you talk to her and say you feel like sometimes she speaks to you disrespectfully, what's up? How can we solve this? She may just come up with something you never thought of. She's old enough to do this.

If it continues not to work I would go to a family councellor and try to see if there is something else going on or how you can resolve this.

I hope it all works out!

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