Not interested in getting intimate..

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

Dear moms,



Little about me, I'm a first time mom, and have a baby who's 10-mo-old and working part-time only on the weekend to help our finances. I've realized and noticed that I hardly want to get intimate with my spouse since I have our son..(even sometimes I feel reluctant to respond a kiss or hug!). My husband is amazingly very understanding and patient though, but no doubt, I felt really guilty, sad, and have no idea what to do..I didn't really mean to neglect him but sometimes I just couldn't help it. I felt like a bad person and getting stressed or cried just thinking about it..:(

I wonder if this is normal thing? Will I ever pass this situation? and what should i do? Please help..Any suggestions are welcome and appreciated. Thanks a lot moms!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Krista - posted on 06/10/2011

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Ink makes a FANTASTIC point. It's hard to feel sexy when you're tired, haven't showered, are wearing gym pants, and you smell like vomit and Cheerios.

That "transition" time, where you can make that mental switch from being Mommy to being Elle, is vital. Like Ink said, it helps to take a nice, long, hot shower, shave what needs to be shaved, daydream a little bit about sexy things, and then maybe put on a negligee instead of flannel. By the time you do that, my bet is that you'll start to actually FEEL a lot sexier.

Amy - posted on 06/10/2011

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This is quite normal hun, don't worry! Babies are exhausting and you've obviously got a wonderful husband if he's prepared to be as patient with you as he is. My children are 8 and 3, and since having my son (3) i've not been half as intimate with my husband as i was before. I think some of it may be down to an inbuilt natural contraceptive method that our bodies are telling us that we don't want to conceive again! My advice if you want that closeness back is that you need to stop thinking of each other as just parents and remember the couple that you were before you were a family. If you can get a babysitter try to set aside a night once a week or fortnight, and recreate some of your first dates, remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place! I hope things work out for you anyway, and just remember you're not alone xxx

Melissa - posted on 06/10/2011

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I like Krista's advice btw my youngest bubby is 10 months too I know its full on and hard work :) We want things at different times, Its too late when he wants it and Ive asked him and he never wants to do when I ask so we just dont. Its just parenthood. As bubba gets older you'll notice a change. Im so glad your husband is so patient and suupportive

[deleted account]

I feel this way sojmetimes too...and I wonder if it's because my station in life has changed.
I'm not the little hottie with the long brown hair turning wrenches and heads anymore....
now I have a scraggly ponytail that hasn't been brushed yet today, there's this new muffin top where my abs used to be...and my boobs get slammed in the car door if I sit down too fast.
I don't FEEL sexy anymore. I am a mother now...and just EVERYTHING has changed. Sex isn't on the top of my list anymore. My days aren't full finding the perfect tight jeans or the latest hair style. Now I spend my time scraping playdough out of the a/c vents and worrying about the latest developments with silicone sippy cup spouts.
What makes me feel sexy again is to pamper myself. A new haircut...or an extra long shower (with all the shaving) makes me feel like a girl again. In the mornings, I try to make an attempt to spend at least a minute making myself presentable. I find that later in the day when the my man winks at me...I DO feel better!
One time we had company and couldn't talk openly..so my husband slipped a post it note at me on the sly...it had a sweet little dirty message on it, (I won't share) so the next time I had a second...I went to the kitchen and wrote him my OWN post it note. We traded sexy notes all afternoon, while his parents visited. THAT was an amazing earth shattering night!
It is very hard to switch from Mommy mode and flip straight into sex machine. For me, it takes putting the baby to sleep, getting a hot shower...and a mental reminder.."the baby's asleep, I can be a grownup again!"

Krista - posted on 06/10/2011

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I know how you feel -- sometimes just the thought of it is exhausting. As a new mother, you're constantly taking care of your baby's needs, so sex just starts to feel like yet another person's "needs" being imposed on you.

But, it's still worth trying to fix the situation. Sex is one of those things where it's all too easy to get in the habit of not doing it. And the less you do it, the less you want to do it. So that's not a good rut to get into.

Perhaps you can take some of the pressure off. Ask your husband to give you a backrub (but JUST a backrub). If you fall asleep, so be it. But being touched might actually put you in the mood to try taking things farther.

And it might be worth taking a bit of your part-time earnings to put towards a babysitter, so that you guys can have a date night. Sometimes, it's just that we get so into our "mommy" and "daddy" roles that we forget about being husband and wife. So reconnecting over some nice dinner and wine might help re-ignite the spark.

Good luck!!!

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[deleted account]

Thank you Mandy, Krista, Ink Ette...! You guys lighten me up :) and your advice, responses encouraged me.

Then I'm not alone and seems some of moms been experienced this phase too.

Melissa - posted on 06/10/2011

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I dont work and I dont want to get intimate I am just too tired and not enoug time so I get where your coming from. Your baby is 10 months hun, everything will change as baby gets older. Im not siure what i can advise since Im not really intimate with my husband either just that your baby is still so young and you have a busy life there is heaps of time things will improve

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