Not invited to boyfriends childrens events

Banditbabiecat - posted on 05/12/2016 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years . We have lived together for the last year . He is divorced with a 18 and 17 year old.. He has been divorced for 16 years . His children do not want me at there events birthdays graduations etc . They also do not want me to meet there mom . He says it will happen one day when they get married . The reason for the divorce was she cheated . I think they like me its not really me personally I just think they want mom and dad and while I can try and be patient and understand that it can be hurtful . For instance this weekend is his daughters 19 bday and she invited her dad out with her moms family to celebrate . I asked him if he thinks things will ever change and he says I hope so . He is afraid of his children getting upset with him so he never says anything he says I will meet her eventually but I am scared of what the future will bring should I worry . I want them to eventually include me in things .. I would never do anything to make them or there mom uncomfortable . When he asks his ex wife if I could come she says that she does not mind but he needs to ask his kids .. Am I overreacting ? A few weeks ago his daughter right in front on me ask her dad to go to Disney with her and her mom as we are all going to be in Florida on labor day weekend for his sons High school football game .. He told her no that he could not go to Disney with them what was she thinking I don't understand why she would even ask . Should I say something or try and keep peace

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Banditbabiecat - posted on 05/13/2016

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I do not think I am any exception to any rule .. the first girlfriend never went to anything because there was not anything to go too the kids were small and they came over at birthdays at there dads house .. The ex has not had a boyfriend according to the kids and has no interest in dating . But I understand what your saying as only a GF I have no rights and as you said even if we marry I still might not get invited to things getting married does not mean it will change there mind .. There is no need for all that drama in ones lives .. ALL the divorced people I know get invited to there stepkids events even when they were girlfriend but everyone is different .. But thank you you have opened my eyes to being single again .. I do not want to sped my life with someone whose kids don't want me around its there right like you said ..

Ev - posted on 05/13/2016

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But still, what makes you think you are the exception to the rule? I do not understand your thoughts on this. If his other former GF did not attend things that concerned the kids and the mother's BF's did not come to the events either....I just do not understand what you mean that you think you should go. Does your BF intend on making things permanent with you? You do not seem to understand that you are not really yet a significant part of their lives and they do have a choice who spends time with them on their big days.

Banditbabiecat - posted on 05/13/2016

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Well he says that neither one of them has ever brought a significant other to there childrens events in the past .. Last year there was a football game for his son out of state and he asked me to sit in the hotel room during the game because he did not think his ex and I should meet at the game but in the end she did no make it and I went anyway .

He has had only one relationship before me one right after there divorce the children were very young that lasted 4 years .

Ev - posted on 05/13/2016

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Lorraine--do you think you are the only one that has not been allowed to attend the events in the BF's kids lives?

Ev - posted on 05/13/2016

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There is a difference. YOU are not married to him. You are not his wife. Not even a fiance as yet. As a wife you would be able to go to the functions and events of the children because you would be extended family. But I do know of some people that have step parents and never accepted them coming to major life events. Being a girlfriend is so much different than being a wife and in some cases a fiance. My kids have a step mom. She did come to their events as a step mom because she married into the family rather quickly so there was no time for her to be just a girl friend for long. My ex husband married her 6 months after meeting. She became part of the family.

You do not seem to want to understand that as the girlfriend no matter the number of years you are involved with dad, that you can not expect to become part of the family in a lot of ways or the fact that they just want it to be them and their parents and those they love.

Banditbabiecat - posted on 05/13/2016

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His daughter says that her mother has no interest in dating or having a boyfriend .

Banditbabiecat - posted on 05/13/2016

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Thanks for all your comments . I think I have my answer . probably best to think of ending our relationship . I do not want to spend a life with someone whose children do not want me around no need for all that drama ...

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2016

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I have a question; Is the mom remarried? Do the kids treat the stepfather or BF the same way?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/13/2016

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Again, since you seem not to be reading:

These people are allowed to decide who they want in their lives.

IF THEY DO NOT INVITE YOU, then you are pushing in.

If your boyfriend marries you and they STILL don't invite you, you have your answer.

BTW, I still do NOT invite my father's wife to my events. She is NOT welcome.

Banditbabiecat - posted on 05/13/2016

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Evelyn .

I have a question for you ..If we were married because you are saying we are just
BF/GF and that six years is a long time to just be BF?GF Is there a difference as to if we were married should that make a difference to them ?

Ev - posted on 05/13/2016

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Lorraine--The others have said it plainly. What do you not seem to understand about the fact the kids have the choice to decide who they want to spend their time with on the big events of their lives. You are the girlfriend. Your boyfriend has not seemed to want to make the relationship more than what it is or you just have not said. Six years is a long time to be just BF/GF Both kids are almost adults. If they have requested from dad that he not bring you to these events he needs to abide their wishes. As has been said, they want it to be immediate family only and even immediate friends. .

Banditbabiecat - posted on 05/13/2016

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We have been dating six years I have been around the kids for three usually weekends
. So should I always expect this ? Will I be invited to there weddings in the future .. When they have kids will I get invited to birthday parties .. They tell everyone how much they like me . I know it nothing personal but I am a part of there dads life at some point should I eventually be invited to things or should I accept that things will always be this way .

Dove - posted on 05/12/2016

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Why do you need to meet their mom? That seems unnecessary.

The kids are certainly more than old enough to decide who they want invited to their events (and have been old enough since you started dating their father). I can certainly understand your hurt feelings, but all you can do is respect their wishes.

Have you talked to either of the kids to let them know that you love them and would like to be able to be there for them simply as a friend (to emphasize that you have no desire to take their mom's place at these things)?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/12/2016

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Really, you probably need to learn how to live with it. You cannot force your way in to situations where you are not invited. It is not good manners, nor is it acceptable adult behavior.

If the kids do not wish you to be at events that are special to them, and they want that to be just immediate family, then that is how it is. I do know that, with my father’s 3rd WIFE (Not just girlfriend, but wife), we did not include her in any family events that I was organizing, because the woman was not welcome. I’m an adult. I get to make that choice about having certain people in my life. Those kids are close enough to adulthood as well, and if they do not wish their father’s long term girlfriend to be involved, and their father isn’t willing to push them to involve you, you’ve gotten your answer without asking.

Ev - posted on 05/12/2016

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How long have you actually been around the kids>? Just curious about that. I almost sounds like to me that if you have been around the kids for a while that he is for some reason or other putting off you joining him for the celebrations. Maybe the kids are not comfortable with you around and want it to be just them and their parents on these special events. You have to understand that to a point. I know it hurts but still if they feel better it being their parents you need to just leave it. If your BF is doing this with the kids for some reason to not have you around I would ask.

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