Not living with my boyfriend who is the father to my child

Angel - posted on 04/21/2015 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am a young mother to a beautiful 6 month old baby. I am 20 years old this year. I had planned to go to University last year October but couldn't because I gave birth to my beautiful son. Instead of going to Uni I decided to do a Apprenticeship.y I started the apprenticeship last year in February when I found out I was pregnant and finished the apprenticeship early in August 2 months before I gave birth to my son.

I live at home with my parents and my two siblings aged 9 and 16. I have my own room but it is very small.

Me and my partner do not live together. He lives at home with his mother and sister, but rarely stays there much anymore. Unfortunately the house they live in isn't really suitable for me and my son to stay there sometimes to spend time together. His mother has A LOT of animals and I feel very uncomfortable staying there.
My boyfriend in the last few months feels unfortunately uncomfortable in coming to my parents house where I live to visit and is not allowed to stay over.

I'm looking to.move out so I can live with my boyfriend, however it's a waiting game at the moment and can't get a.place straight away but I've been bidding.

I'm worried because of this, my relationship with my partner will break down. We don't always see eachother as often. There isn't much intermacy because we don't live together and at times I worry he may cheat on me. There have been quite a few times where my partner wanted me to come see him at work, spend the night with him at his mother's house with our son or for us to stay in a hotel. Unfortunately these things aren't always possible.

Me and my partner go out cinema once in a while or go out to a bar or rave. However, I can't always get my mum to baby sit.

How do I keep my relationship going, keep the affection, intermacy and look after my son and take into consideration my situation???

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Raye - posted on 04/22/2015

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Intimacy is important in a relationship. As a parent, there are going to be a lot of things that compete for your time and attention, and none of them should be neglected for too long. Try to find ways to strengthen the connection with your BF. Hopefully he understands that some of the difficulties you are facing now are temporary and will be supportive of you.

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Jodi - posted on 04/21/2015

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"My partner likes a lot of affection and attention it's difficult for me at the moment. Sometimes some guys go looking for that elsewhere especially if you've just had a baby."

Please stop justifying it. If he goes looking elsewhere it is because he is an asshole and has no respect for you and you are likely better off without him. Saying it is because you've had a baby and are having trouble to find alone time for intimacy is a total cop out. So if you FEAR that he will do this, ask yourself what is wrong in your relationship.

Laura - posted on 04/21/2015

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Let's hope not! There are good guys out there! You seem darling so he would be a fool!

Angel - posted on 04/21/2015

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Yes, that is true. Relationships aren't easy but willing to work at it and communicate especially because we have a child together. Joint goals is a good idea. My partner likes a lot of affection and attention it's difficult for me at the moment. Sometimes some guys go looking for that elsewhere especially if you've just had a baby.

Angel - posted on 04/21/2015

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Thank you Laura! Yes, it is difficult! My area has a lot of parks in fact. That is a good idea. Also like the idea of going for walk. They're not expensive or costly things to do which is good.
I'll propose that to my boyfriend. I really hope things do get better. At the moment it is putting a lot of stress on me.

Laura - posted on 04/21/2015

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What a hard situation! I understand you are wanting to make it work for your family! I hope things get better. My husband and I enjoy going to the Redbox on Saturdays and renting a movie, making a bowl of popcorn after dinner, and snuggling in together (I usually fall asleep before the movie ends, though!) Maybe you guys can go on walks together (you can push the stroller) and just talk. Does your town have any parks? A picnic is fun! My husband and I go to the park with a pack of Uno cards and spend an afternoon there. I hope things get better for you!

Jodi - posted on 04/21/2015

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If your relationship with your partner is going to break down while you wait for a place to move in together, then it isn't a particularly strong relationship in the first place. And given you are expressing concerns he may cheat on you, I would suggest there are some real red flags in your relationship already that you need to address. You both need to be patient and working towards a joint goal, but your current concerns are not healthy for your relationship.

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