Not new at being a single Mom. Just new at looking for help...

Candice - posted on 09/16/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have spent the last 3 years trying to convince myself that I am okay with how everything has gone. My ex husband already has another child (boy that was quick) and my last relationship ended with making me looking insensitive because I wanted my happiness too fast. I'm once again finding my way back to myself and I'm at the point in my whole 32 years where I almost gave up but I keep telling myself other women have gone through much worse. I wasn't the 1st and I most certainly won't be the last. How I got here, I have no clue but I'm still here, living and somehow I still feel like I have more love to give. Why do I feel the need to be in a relationship so bad?

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Ev - posted on 09/17/2014

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Candice,

I read your post just about the time I was going to close off the computer and go to bed. I have been divorced for 12 years this year. I have not dated once in all that time. I spent the last 12 years trying to find myself and also focusing only on my children's needs. I also was the mom that made some hard choices to make sure her kids were secure. For me from the get go after being divorced about a year, I had taken a new job and found that all the girls there were in such a hurry for me to date. I told them "no way" so many times it was like talking to the brick wall because they did not take "no" for an answer. I was not ready and knew it. I also still had not come to terms with myself yet. I also had the need to find me first. It took me five years of 12 to learn to love myself because no matter how many men I could have dated, the only one that can make me happy is me. The next seven years after that I convinced myself that I could manage without a man. I did not need one to feel whole. I had my kids, my parents, my sister and her child, friends, and co-workers and my church family. I did not need the man to make me complete. Now that its been 12 years altogether, I can say that if no man comes into my life, I am fine with it. But if one does come in, he is going to have to be extra special. He is going to have to treat my kids as if they were his too. He is going to have to understand that they are my life. THey are now adults but still the bond I have with them is priceless. And there is not a man worth it if he does not accept that my kids are my life and will be a big part of it. I have a lot of people tell me that there is a man for me out there...I look at them and laugh and say, "Maybe."

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Michelle - posted on 09/17/2014

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My first husband was emotionally abusive and I had very low self esteem when I finally left him. I had quite a few relationships before I finally decided I was going to focus on my children and their happiness.
That's when my current husband came along. I tried everything to scare him off on our first date and he still stuck around, that's when I decided he was a keeper.
My Mother has been one of the women who can't be alone. She is onto husband #3 and they don't even live as a married couple. She has a "friend with benefits" and for the last 6 years has slept in their spare room. She doesn't wear her rings and only stays because she wants to keep her house. I find it sad that after what he has done to our family she still keeps him around but it's not my life.
Yes you can do this, do things YOU want to do and be the Mother for your children. If you are happy then your children will be.

Candice - posted on 09/17/2014

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I'm getting there Michelle. I've learned how to mow the grass, kill bugs and remember trash day! I have realized that I have to believe in myself. My self esteem had taken a hit and it's time to shake off this uncertainty and just live the best life I know how to live even if there is no man involved. I want to start volunteering with the humane society. Thank you for your encouraging words. I can do this!

Michelle - posted on 09/17/2014

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I found that when i finally accepted that I didn't need a man in my life and that I would concentrate on my children, the perfect man for me walked into my life.
You don't have to try and convince yourself, you have to believe. There's a big difference.

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