NOT ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE . His Now fighting custody

Karla - posted on 10/27/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My baby father walked out on me when i was a few months pregnant never once did he care for our Daughter. Our Daughter is now 4 months and he is taking me to court. He is not on the birth certificate and now his requesting a DNA test. The courts are having all of us do the test. The test is done no results yet our next court date is until January. i fear for our Daughter life he has anger issues and he blames our daughter for our separation. Now he wants to meet our Daughter for the 1st time before our court date should i allow him too? would it affect me in court if i don't? I have fear for our Daughter safe do to his actions in the past.

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Dove - posted on 10/27/2015

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Good for him for fighting for his right to know his child. If you have documented evidence of his anger issues and how they are a threat to your child's safety... have your lawyer present that in court and you can possibly push for supervised visitations.

The father of your child has just as much of a right to be w/ her as you do.

Yes, you should allow him to meet his daughter. If you are concerned have it be in a public place w/ a 3rd party present as well.

Your daughter is only 4 months old... you've got a LONG road ahead of you, so I suggest you do everything in your power to handle this in a civilized and reasonable manner. Good luck!

Ev - posted on 10/27/2015

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Karla, the others are right on every word. We can not tell you the judge will not allow the father any kind of rights or relationship with his own child. She also has a right to know her father. I have seen a lot of similar posts like yours where the man was verbally or physically abusive to the mother but wanted to have something with his kids and the mothers thought it was in the best interest of their kids not to be around the man. Most did not like the advice given and much like what you got here. If I were you I would not focus so much on what is about myself but what is in the best interest for your daughter. I have even seen some posts where the mom is asking about getting rid of dad's rights because the new husband or boyfriend has been there since day one and now dad wants in the picture. I have seen them post not wanting him around the child at all because of his lifestyle, that he can not take care of a baby, or other things a judge would laugh at. So just listen to those that have been there and done it or have experience with it. Mine is different but i have to say that though some things were reverse in who had primary care and who did not in my case, my kids and I were better for it. It was a struggle. But 13 years later we are happy and close.

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Karla - posted on 10/27/2015

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Evelyn
Thank you . Yes i take into consideration that he has the same rights as me. All i want is the best and our Daughter does deserve both of us. So i will do whats in my hans to have them meet for the first time and spend time father Daughter. I don't feel safe with him taking her anywhere at least not yet. If the courts and judge agree that is safe for him to take her for a few hours since she still being breastfeed then i will accept it. All i want is for us to work as parents and do was best for our Daughter.

Karla - posted on 10/27/2015

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Raye Ramsey
Thank you for your advice.
She will have his last name and He will have his right as the father. I was looking for advice and i received them. Thank you ill keep in mind.

Raye - posted on 10/27/2015

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You should put his name on the BC because he's the father, but now you're forced to do things the hard way by getting the paternity test.

Do you HAVE to let him see her, no. But, if you refuse to let him see his child... then it would probably look bad for you in court. It depends on the judge, but more judges are awarding more rights to fathers, especially if the mother is intentionally making it difficult.

You had sex with this guy and you made a baby. It's a little late to think that maybe you don't want to be a parent with him. He has rights, and only a judge can determine if his past behavior is sufficient to limit is visitation with his child. You are too emotionally involved in the situation and can't see clearly what is in the best interest of your child. You're thinking about yourself and how you were hurt by him, which is understandable, but you're not abiding by the LAW. And that's what the judge will look at.

Karla - posted on 10/27/2015

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Thank you Raye Ramsey.
I respect your answer. There is two stories to every story. This man knowing i was the Mother to our child out of trust issues and insecurities exposed me out in the Internet as revenge porn. Since Day one of the pregnancy he felt jealous of his daughter bringing Danger into us never showed no interest telling me i chose our Daughter over Him. All i ever wanted was the baby the baby was our separation that what he said. All i ever wanted was to get him help. He had uncontrollable anger. Verbally abuse me behind close doors and out in public. I had enough had the cops take over for his actions i didn't wanna loose our Daughter. I'm noone to keep him away never did never will but his actions have terrified me as a mother. i have prove of him a bonded us and never once care he showed no interest. why was i to put him in the birth certificate or force a Man to be in our Daughter life. I have a good heart and know our Daughter need both of us. So i would do what it take for the safe of our child. He is now on anger management and has not finish accomplished it. All i ask is should i wait till the court decides was the best interest for our Daughter and try to come to an agreement as parents. Or should i go out my way and allow him to see her before court. Could that be used against me if i do allow it or if i don't.

Raye - posted on 10/27/2015

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Karla, it doesn't matter if you didn't put his name on the birth certificate. He is the natural father and has rights to his child, and it's a matter of time before the DNA test proves it. If you knew he was the father, by not putting his name on the BC you have committed fraud. And if he has shown an interest in forming a relationship with his child, and you have kept him away, that is parental alienation. He will have a better chance of getting partial (or even full) custody if he can prove you kept him away from his child.

If you're not sure he's the father, then don't allow him to see her until after the test results come back. If you know he definitely is the father, then until your court date, you should set a day/time each week, or a couple days a week, where he can see his daughter. You can make it a public place and you can supervise for the time he's with her. Then when you go to court, you can try to tell the judge about his anger issues and his abandonment of you during pregnancy to try to reduce his visitation time. I'll let you know, though, any anger or violence he displayed toward you is not a ruling factor in the case, because he may not be violent toward his child. If he displays any violence toward the child during the visits, then write it down and tell the judge.

Once the judge has set the terms of visitation/custody, then you must abide by them even if you don't agree with them. If he is awarded unsupervised visits, then you must give him unsupervised visits. If you notice any mistreatment of the child when you get her back, get documented proof that he's mistreating her from a doctor or witnesses that can testify that he's causing abuse. I know you want to protect your daughter BEFORE anything would happen to her, but you can't. You made a child with this guy, and now you have to learn to co-parent with him for the rest of your life unless he does something to make the court rule he is unfit.

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