not putting the fathers name on birth certificate?

Burmeister11 - posted on 10/28/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I am expecting my first child at 19. It took me by suprize as I'm sure its done to others. The man that got me pregnant was drunk and a verbally abusive man. I got out of the relationship as fast as possible. A month later I found out I got pregnant by him plus other things. When I confronted him about it he automatically thought it ment us getting back together which I strongly declined that to happen because of him being an alcoholic and thought playing video games was a good job. And being abusive I wasn't going to let it happen. Hes answer to this scared me and rubbed me in a wrong way. Saying that he always wanted to have a family. Almost sounding as though it was on propose. Anyways. After telling him the news I told him I wouldn't deny him the right to be apart of the pregnancy process but he has to show that he is willing to put the time into it. Like asking how things are going and trying to be apart of it himself. Well after not even 48 hrs after he disappeared not even his family knew where he was. Its been over two weeks sence this has happened. And because of this I am not wanting to put him on the birth certificate. For the fearvof one day he tries to take my baby from me. I have my own place a full time job and a great support system that agrees with me about my choices. My only issue is child suppor . I know not pitting him on the BC makes it harder to get it. But I'm not sure if I even want to go throuhh that prosses and to just do all of this on my own.

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Jodi - posted on 10/28/2014

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It's up to you, but not putting him on the birth certificate doesn't really accomplish anything. If he decides he wants to be in the child's life, all he has to do is a paternity test to establish he is the father. He can take you to court regardless if he wants visitation and being on the or not on the birth certificate won't make a difference in the end.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/28/2014

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He's got every right to pursue paternity on his own, and also to pursue visitation and possibly custody. Keeping him off of the certificate will not change the child's DNA.

Its better to have him legally named, so that he can support (and, yes, have his rightful access to) his child. You being the mother does not mean that your rights trump his, or that you can willfully withhold his rights.

Tq - posted on 10/28/2014

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Regarding child support, yes, you cant have both. If he is paying, he is going to automatically get child support. If he acts abusive to the child, he may get that visitation taken away, but only after a court hearing.

This is what happened to my ex's ex girlfriend. They weren't married, but she went after my ex for child support, but didn't want visitation. Doesn't work that way. she had to give him visitation.

But he did end up having it revoked because he abused her child. But they did have to go to court, AND he can get visitation back after he submits to parenting classes and a psyche evaluation. She says that the support is so small, its not even worth it.

You have to pick. You cant have both.

Tq - posted on 10/28/2014

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If he is not on the birth certificate, this is a big deal. My ex husband who is also very abusive, lost his rights to my son. His girlfriend left him OFF the birth certificate, and she saved herself a lot of hassle when it came time for visitation.

With abusive types, its not about taking care of the kids, its all about control. And if you leave his name off, that just makes it HARDER for him, and more steps he has to go through to gain proper visitation.

Let it known how abusive he is, this most certainly does matter. When a couple is married, the father is automatically awarded some type of visitation, but when you are not married, the custodial parent pretty much dictates most things. The court will side with the custodial parent as they don't want to disrupt the childs life. The longer things go on, that you are taking care of everything, that is pretty much what will stake.

You have a lot more power than others will lead you to believe. Abuse is not tolerated. If I were you, I would document everything. This didn't help me much, but it helped my ex's ex girlfriend when she became pregnant and also realized that he was an abuser. With my track record and police reports, it became a lot easier for her. My ex lost his rights to second child, and only had visitation for a year, where as me, it took six years to end his abuse and visitation because we were married.

My advice, leave him OFF the birth certificate and do whatever you can in YOUR favor. It matters.

Burmeister11 - posted on 10/28/2014

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Thank you for that. And I was going to have him do the test also because he also claimed that the child wasn't his. I don't mined having him be apart of the child's life but only if he has a safe and secure environment.

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