Not Sure what to do?

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

Hello, this is my first time doing this chat, but i think i need someone's opinion that is not related to me. To start off, my babys father is not involved in his life, hasn't been at all. When i was pregnant he saw me twice and never once came with me to a doctor appointment. once my baby was born he came to my house and my brother stopped him and told him if he wanted to see his son he would need a court order, he would have to fight for him. Since that day, he hasnt showed up or called. He hasn't done anything, that i know of, to try to communicate with me or came to the house. My son is now going to be 2 in october and i dont know if i should try to contact the father, or collect child support. I am so lost because i hate seeing my son see other kids hug, run to their fathers and he is just there seeing. it hurts me, i know he doesn't know what is going on but he will sooner or later. and when he goes to school, what is going to happen how is he going to feel when its fathers day and he doesn't know anything about his father. I dont know what to do. my family doesn't want him involved at all but i dont care about him or the money, i just dont want my son to feel upset like how i feel when i see his little eyes looking at his cousin greet her father when he gets home. it hurts!


Michelle - posted on 09/01/2015




I understand YOU didn't keep him away but your brother did. Your brother had no right to say what he did.
You should contact the Father and establish child support and visitation. Get yourself a lawyer and get it all sorted out legally. I would also tell your family to stay out of it.


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[deleted account]

Thank you for the comments! i actually ended up meeting with him w/o my son, to talk. we came up with an agreement. Hopefully he follows thru and he says he really wants to meet my baby. I really hope it all goes good from now on.

Connie - posted on 09/01/2015




I know this is hard but your son is better off with a family who loves him (even if it doesnt include a father) then he would be if you try to force someone who doesnt love him to play a part in his life. I have seen that look but when he asks you just tell him the truth that you love him and that your family is just comprised of different people. some families have mom and dad, some just mom or dad, some have grandparents...the point is you let him know that all families are different and the only thing that matters is that you love each other. Kids are smart and more resilient than adults. He will be just fine. Take care and God bless!

[deleted account]

thanks for the comment Sarah, but the thing is i haven't stopped him from coming. He just stopped trying. He only tried once and that was it. If he came, i would def let him see his son, i know he has a right and my son needs a father relationship. I just don't know if i call his father up and say, "you know what come to see your son." or do i just go straight for child support.

Sarah - posted on 08/31/2015




If I had a nickle for every time I posted this statement:
You made a baby with this man. You are equally OBLIGATED to financially support this child until age 18. So YES file for support! If he doesn't want to parent, that is up to him (I don't know why your brother got involved). Just as you have obligations, you have rights; you are equally entitled to parent this child to age 18. Why would you want to refuse your child a relationship with his dad? Unless he is a risk to his safety?
Reach out to him, let him meet the child and see if the two of you can't agree on a support and visitation schedule. How would you feel if the father were holding the baby from you?

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