Jennifer - posted on 07/01/2012 ( 22 moms have responded )
i'm going to try and keep this in as much of a nutshell as possible. there seems to be a lot of you who are going to be able to relate so i guess i'm looking for someone who can make any suggestions. i have 4 kids - 2 boys/2girls. one is a 14 year old girl who has completely pushed me away. i live with my dad, i am trying to go to school, and i also work. my ex-husband has filled her head with hate for me -- just her though -- not the others (which i kinda find weird). our life (meaning me and the kids) since my divorce has been hard which has been hard on everyone so i imagine this just adds to her hate for me. living with my dad has been difficult and i'm now trying to save money so i can rent a place of our own. she's extremely verbally abusive and oppositional. if i said something was black she would lose her mind it was white and what a dumb b*tch i was. every other word out of her mouth is "f**k" or "b*tch" when she "talks" to me -- no matter who's there .. my dad, younger kids. my younger kids are 7 and 9. she's mean to her younger siblings -- she basically just hates us (but LOVES her dad) -- i mean the sun rises and sets with him. she seems fine at anyone else's house but this one -- but in this house she's oppositional and hates us all. she has one friend who's mom keeps her house like a filthy pig with mouse droppings everywhere and SHE'S even better than me. she told her father i spit at her, she steals money from me (which i really can't afford), has tried to start fires on the side of the house with a perfume bottle, hit her sister on the face and back and left marks, refuses to get up and go to school .. i could just go on and on. finally, I sent her to live with her dad. it was abusive to my younger kids in addition to i didn't want my younger kids also acting this way. she posted a comment about me on facebook. it was very long, vile and abusive. i actually couldn't believe some of the phrases and comments she was saying. the post was removed by facebook. i was mortified and hurt. i imagine there were several people in my ex-husband's family who saw the post as they are her "friends." it stayed up for 4 days until it was removed by facebook. this was a week and a half ago -- i haven't talked to her since because i don't know what to say. i guess i figure she's only going to tell me to go "f**k myself" anyway. she's been angry for years. she's been steadily out of control since she was about 11 or 12 and now at 14 it's pretty much unmanageable. by the time she's 16, i can't imagine what the problems will become. i feel like my other kids are so repressed. after she left, the difference in everyone was amazing. my other kids were talking more, laughing more, expressing themselves more. so i'm ok with her living with her dad .. but here's the kicker. her dad actually lives with his sister (he's homeless). her dad is in the middle of a criminal trial and is most likely going to go to jail for about 5 years. her dad also does not live in my school district and she's gonna want to come back here for school in september because all her friends and her boyfriend are here...these are the only reasons she would ever want to come back here ... never because she wants to be with us. i told her dad about the facebook post, he didn't say anything to her. so he's basically torking her up to come back to me in september. her father is emotionally abusive but he's VERY good at it. you don't even realize you're being abused until it's to late. even to this day he's emotionally abusive to me through our kids. i feel guilty but ... i don't want her back. i want her in my life, but i don't want to live with her and her abuse. i have the ability to have her transferred to his school district. and if he goes to jail she could live with her aunt i suppose. i am not sure what to do. i just feel like she's starting to take me down and i have other kids too. i can't have her telling people i spit in her face and god knows what else. so does anyone have any idea on what i can expect for the future if i don't let her return here in september to start abusing everyone again? i am reading that a lot of kids push away a loving parent at the hands of an ex or his family -- very mean and angry kids pushing a loving parent away (and their siblings too) -- so what happens then when that parent pushes back? and just says "ok then .. good luck" i'll see you thursday for dinner (and if not, then not) ????