Not yet "Ex" hubby - Need Co-parenting Advice

Chrisdee - posted on 07/22/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been separated for five (5) months, once I discovered he has been involved in a 2-year affair - which he vehemently looked me in the face and denied until I presented him with the inappropriate FACEBOOK posts and photographs he shared with his girlfriend during a previous holiday visit with my family. We have two children who have been very hurt because our oldest actually saw several of these inappropriate posts (she is a teen). Needless to say, I refer to his a my husband because we are still legally married and he has not filed for divorce, indicating that he does not have the money to do so. He pays no support for our son (age 6), but immediately moved into his girlfriend's home (who also has a 6 year old son) and has demanded on-going visitation in he and his girlfriend's home.

I am very uncomfortable with this arrangement. For one, I don't know her. Personally, I don't want to know her, but she is in a close relationship with my son. Additionally, I feel my soon to be ex has made very poor decisions in handling this entire situation. His girlfriend buys my son gifts and they take family outings with her son and our son. Needless to say, my son is very confused. I have initiated the divorce process myself. As I feel it is ridiculous that he has been in an affair for 2 years and did not file. Also, I want to end this marriage legally as soon as possible. I don't want to be tied to him, and would have done so sooner had I known.

Any advice on how to co-parent with this man? Our children are hurt and confused. I don't have any desire to interfere with his choices or his life, but how do I help our children heal and move forward?

Thanks in advance for any advise.

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Katherine - posted on 07/22/2012

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Mediation! Until your divorce, I would NOT allow your son to go there. I am in the same boat as far as being separated and if my ex had a girlfriend my kids would NOT be allowed to go there. It's only been 5 months. If he wants to see them I would insist it be without the girlfriend, if he doesn't like it, then he doesn't get to see him. Period.

Usually in the divorce decree you can put that stipulation in it. You can even wait until the divorce for your son to see his dad. The situation is completely inappropriate. Mind you this is just my opinion. But I do feel strongly being in the same boat.

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Chrisdee - posted on 07/22/2012

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Thank you for the advice, Katherine. I had not thought about mediation. I also feel that it is inappropriate at this point to have my son visit with his dad and his live in girl-friend at her home with her son. I will schedule some time with my attorney to discuss mediation.

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