[deleted account] ( 39 moms have responded )
I apologize before hand ladies because this is going to be a LONG post. I am going through a severe depression. I know something is off about me probably hormonal or personality, all I know is I am not the same person I was before my marriage or children.
Don't get me wrong I love my children. I have two beautiful daughters 4 and 2 years old. I have been married for 7 years, engaged for 3. So, basically I've known my husband for 10 years. I have to confess this is probably more than anything be a bashing my husband post. I have been a faithful wife to my husband and i'm sorry i'm not perfect I have flaws. One being jealousy, anger, being scared that my husband will cheat on me and leave me. I guess I feel this way because I gave up everything for this man. We're both pretty young, I'm 29 and he's 28. I gave up college, I gave up working (having any sort of a social life), friends, basically my life.
Ok, i just realized I can not explain my story to the fullest cuz I have too much to explain etc, etc. I'll just get to the point the best I can. I think my marriage is on the brink of the (d word). I think i'm holding on to too much anger and pain and I don't know how to get rid of it. I want to get over things, I don't want to keep rewinding and watching something in my head over and over. I want to be strong, I want to be independent, I don't want to have to rely on my husband for everything. My husband has only been living with me and in the country for 4 years and I feel like he's getting everything he ever wanted in life. I'm happy for him cuz I will always have his back and help him. But now I feel like I'm left behind. I feel like I never got what I wanted out of life. I didn't get to finish a college education so I feel stupid. I feel lower than dirt at times cuz this is not what I wanted. I mean yeah I wanted kids and I'm greatful but I wanted things before them.
Now after typing all this and reading it, I feel embarrassed. Do I sound like an insane woman? I really need to get out of the house. I just spent the entire morning crying because my husband made me upset. How do I not care about the hurtful things my husband says?