Nude at Grandparents

Cindilee - posted on 01/02/2015 ( 3 moms have responded )

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There are a number of "Nude at Home" threads already going, but this one is a little different because we are grandparents and the nudity involves our granddaughter.

First, a little about us. I grew up in a fairly balanced environment where nudity was not considered shameful, but was considered very private. I feel like I grew up with a balanced body image, and that I tried to pass it on to my kids.

But my husband grew up begin taught that being naked was very "naughty" and that his natural desire as a little boy to be nude was very bad. So, he grew up with a negative body image that, he says, hounded him most of his life. When he was in his 50's, he discovered the freedom of non-sexual nudity, and he developed a more positive body image. But by then, our children were grown and had taken a position on nudity somewhere between mine and his. They say they are teaching the kids that nudity is private, but they definitely approach the body shame thing.

Our 6-year-old granddaughter, Neveah, just LOVES to be nude, but is NEVER allowed to be at home. For example, last week, I was at our son's home, helping get the girls (the youngest is 3) ready for bed. In walks son with the 6-year-old and he starts to get her jammies from the drawer. As he does, Nevaeh starts to remove her pants. Daddy immediately yells at her "How many times to I have to tell you not to start taking your clothes off until we have everything ready to put on!"

WIth an attitude like this, DH really fears that his granddaughters will grow up with very negative body images. So, when they, especially little "nudie" Nevaeh, come to our home to visit, her grandpa lets her be naked as much as she wants. He treats her with great dignity at all times, but especially when she is nude. I think he's doing a great job, and I support him in what he is trying to do.

But I feel uncomfortable letting Nevaeh violate the rules that her parents have set. We have tried a couple of times to gently approach the subject with our son, but even the mention of his daughter's innocent nakedness throws him into a tear. I hate to think what he would say or do if he found out that we were letting her be naked for hours on end while at our home. So far, Nevaeh seems to understand that things are different here than at home, and that she shouldn't say anything about it to her mom or dad.

What do you all think?

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Michelle - posted on 01/02/2015

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Kids usually love being naked, it's the adults with the hangups.
I would continue what you are doing. Maybe her Father is worried that if anything happens to her he will be blamed if he lets her be naked around him. The sad fact about all the reports of child abuse means that even loving Fathers are worried they will be accused when they are innocent.

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Cindilee - posted on 01/06/2015

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Thank you, Michelle.

This is Ray, Cindilee's hubby with a little clarification.

She said that she's uncomfortable with me letting Nevaeh break her dad's rules at my house. Truth is, so am I. I do it because I think she deserves -- needs -- the freedom to enjoy healthy nakedness. But I'm also concerned what my son will do if he found out that I was permitting it.

"Father" is not really worried that he could be blamed, but he's out to find others to blame. I don't want to reveal more than necessary, but he's had some friends of both sexes who were victims of abuse, and he's become hyper-diligent. If anything, I fear that he might think I'm being "abusive" when I'm just trying to be a good, loving grandpa to my grandkids. I think that giving them a positive experience with their own bodies can be empowering and help keep them safe in the future. Marcus clearly doesn't agree.

We'd both appreciate any other feedback or advice y'all can give. Thanks

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