Nursing and Overnight Visits for a Custody case

Litiana - posted on 08/03/2016 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am in shock at the law in Texas, the father of my son decided he does not have time to be a father but is now fighting for more time so his mother can visit her grandson. My son refuses the bottle but does enjoy solids. Majority of his calories come from me nursing but trying to keep a infant hydrated in the Texas heat seems impossible. I wish Texas law would revisit there crazy laws. My poor son is being neglected at his fathers since he does not take the bottle. Thank goodness he only has him for 7 hours, but I know that is traumatizing for him.

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Litiana - posted on 08/08/2016

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Thank you Shawnn for your comments my main scare is overnights with a baby that refuses the bottle and sippy cup. It's like his schedule is switched around and drinks/ nurses the most at night. I am trying my best to have him take the bottle during those times but a crying/screaming child at 11:00 pm ,2,4 and 6 am is still refusing to take the bottle from me. I admit after what it feels like forever of him screaming early in the morning to nurse I give in because I am exhausted and he is exhausted. I have asked his doctor and they continue with the same response, some babies do not take the bottle and will never take the bottle from you. I am lucky my in home daycare even allows him to be watched since he won't drink with them other then the spoon. I would of thought he would of taken the bottle or cup by now since he's been at day care for over 3 months but he still refuses. He is a very picky baby and i just hope he is ok with the bottle and or cup.
It is very interesting how all babies are so different.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/05/2016

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Maybe he is not there at exchange in order to facilitate a smoother interaction.

As far as how to be more successful in introducing different drinking methods, stop nursing every time. Replace one feed a day with bottle or cup. Don't give in. After a couple of days, replace two feeds, and again, persevere. A few days later, three feeds in a cup, etc.

The child will not starve himself. He WILL adapt just fine. How does he feed at daycare? The fact that he is in daycare, and obviously not nursing for his liquid consumption during that time invalidates your entire argument.

ETA Oops, I see I missed a post regarding the consumption while at daycare. Disregard my last two sentences! The rest, however, stands

Litiana - posted on 08/05/2016

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All I know is he is not there when picking up and dropping off (just his mother who lives in a city 4 hours away). And yes not sure if you've read my comments/ responses below he has a sippy cup with every solid feeding. I am not sure how to help him take the bottle and or sippy cup. I am not with him every meal time because I work, I can just go off of what his day care tells me and what I see when I try to help him take the bottle and sippy cup. I cannot force my in home daycare to force him to take the cup nor would I want someone forcing him to do something. That seems very extreme and traumatizing. :(

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/04/2016

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Are you there when he has his time? If not, you don't know that he isn't participating. I agree with the others. You can facilitate things, if you would star offering him breast milk in either a bottle or cup, and persevering.

Litiana - posted on 08/04/2016

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Hopefully his mother's overnight visits won't start until 2 or even later. I was just venting on the issue of him feeding him via syringe, i think you might of taken it the wrong way and if so I apologize for that. I thought this site would be a nice helpful venting tool but i could be wrong. I want every parent to have visitation rights if they want it. I would never force someone to be a mother or a father and that's the only difference for my case. He did not want any part of his son as soon as he was born but his mother does so now he is wanting visitation so his mother can raise his son. His mother picks up and drops his 8 month old off so that is what is truly sad about his father, but you can't force a grown adult what to do. That is my only concern why take away my only off days from work to be with my son so his grandmother who is in bad health and lives in another city can watch him? I wish he would be more responsible and help his mother watch his son instead of having her just take care of him. That is just a little sad to me.

Litiana - posted on 08/04/2016

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Please any helpful hints for a 8 month old to take the bottle and or sippy cup is always welcomed. He has a sippy cup available every feeding of solids. I try any type of cup and bottle. It is very discouraging that he doesn't want to take it. I am a working mother so his in home day care requires me to come during lunch to nurse because they are unsuccessful with his bottle and sippy cup issue. Believe me I would love for him to take the sippy cup, it would make life easier for everyone watching him. So I am always welcoming any helpful tips.

Jodi - posted on 08/03/2016

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Well, given he is 8 months now, there is no excuse for him not being able to take a sippy cup. Time for you to persevere with this a little more. He SHOULD be capable of taking one. Even with dad out of the picture, this is something that is perfectly reasonable. While you say you've tried, I suspect that you give in?

Litiana - posted on 08/03/2016

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Your guess is as good as mine about the food, I let him know all the foods he is eating with me and he asked me to stop letting him know what I do. He informed me he prefers to do what his mother did with him but I am not sure what that is. I can only hope he feeds him while he is with him.
I tried putting him on the bottle when he was two months old and he refused. I asked his doctor for help and her answer was "some babies don't take the bottle". I continue to try to put him on the sippy cup and numerous different bottle brands and types but he is still refusing. I wish he would take the bottle or sippy cup so I know he's fully hydrated but he's refusing.

Dove - posted on 08/03/2016

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Your son will adjust. You complain about him eating via syringe and you complain about him not eating at all... what is the father supposed to do? Yes, it would be great for your son if visitation arrangements could allow breaks for you to nurse him, but in most cases that is completely impractical.

Do you have a breastfeeding friendly lawyer? Can they present evidence that your child is still not taking the bottle or sippy to show that longer visitations at this time would not be in the best interest of the child? Some judges will rule against overnights because of things like this (or the child's age), but some won't. Such is the risk when you have a child and are not w/ the child's other parent.

My son was much older to start visitations w/ his father AND had a gradual transition and no overnights til 2.75 years old, but... when my son had his first overnight visitation he was still breastfed (thankfully only day nursings by then) and the visitation was for a week straight.... NOT easy and not entirely 'fair' to the child, but we all survived and so will you and your son. ♥

Jodi - posted on 08/03/2016

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Then you need to get him used to bottle and sippy cup at your house. Just trying for that 7 hours when he is with dad is not really going to help him get used to it as an option. Have you tried it with him? He might be more likely to work with you in trying to take it. You have a responsibility to help support a move to the bottle or sippy cup.

And why no food? Do they know what to feed him? You said he takes solids, what solids does he take?

Litiana - posted on 08/03/2016

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Thanks for your thoughts Jodi, I agree a child should know his paternal side. But they've admitted not feeding him for 7 hours because he refuses the bottle and sippy cup so that is what scares me and no food or liquids for 7 hours definitely fits under the definition of neglect.

Litiana - posted on 08/03/2016

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He refuses to drink from anything, and luckily no the seven hours are not overnight, but he is taking me back to court for overnight visits and that is what scares me. The father of my son informed me he is able to give my son formula and water via syringe. My son is not a little bird and keeping him hydrated with 3 ounces via syringe seems crazy and very traumatizing. :(

Jodi - posted on 08/03/2016

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He probably doesn't take a bottle at the moment because he hasn't needed to yet. A child won't starve themselves or dehydrate themselves indefinitely. You will either need to move him to a sippy cup or continue to encourage some bottle feeds on your watch. If your baby is taking solids, I am assuming he is over 6 months. He CAN still be ingesting liquid with his solids, depending on what he is eating, so I think to suggest that 7 hours without breastfeeding is neglect is a bit overdramatic. It isn't unreasonable for dad to request more than 7 hours with him at this age. And the child has a right to get to know his grandmother.

Dove - posted on 08/03/2016

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How old is he? Will he take a sippy cup? Is the 7 hours the overnight visitation?

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