Officially becoming a single mom now what?

G - posted on 04/17/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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When I first came on here I spewed out all my thoughts at once bc I was so frustrated. My fiance of three years has ended our relationship so that he can see other people originally he has said it was bc I am stronger without him. We have a 2 year old. I chose that our daughter routine stay the same he sees her every weekend in my home. I no longer want him taking her out of the house as he hasn't told me where he lives. I have never let her sleep over anywhere and I don't trust his roommates. I'm afraid if he takes her out that he will kidnap her. It makes sense that he get to see her. I love my daughter enough to tolerate his presence for a short time. I have no idea how much is a reasonable amount of child support as he only paid 3 months out of her entire life and now says he will put in an account so he can track my spending and anytime I want to check the balance or take out money I have to go with him. I don't know if it is legal to turn whatever little he gives down and the most I can do is ask him for a higher amount. I'm scared to apply if they ask him to pay back child support he might just kill me. His family already called to warn me not to apply which I really don't like. It has only been a few days why do I need to get threatened when I haven't even talked to him about what I am doing regarding her. I have already applied for sole custody upon a lawyer's suggestion saying it was in the best interest for our child and clarified that he will not be losing his parental rights. She said leaving him legal custody he might use that to harass me. I'm not sure quite how much legal custody affords a parent I just don't want my daughter living with him at all seeing her I can muster I just don't want to be around when he is there even less now that his family threatened me over child support.


How do you manage to deal with being alone with children?
What did you to keep yourself above water?
How do you coparent?

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Jodi - posted on 04/18/2014

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OK, firstly, he's right, he's leaving you, not his daughter. There is nothing wrong with him letting her know he won't see her as much if that is the truth. You don't get a choice here. You don't have to be "best buddies" with him, but in all honesty, in the best interests of your child, you need to learn to co-parent with him. You don't GET to tell him he can't see his child until YOU heal. That is punishing your child because you can't handle it. Not ok. You also have to accept that he is 50% of your child's parents. Therefore, he wants time with her too. You, as mother, do not have sole rights to be with her 100% of the time anymore.

What you need to do here (especially as you are already complaining about him paying you any money) is file for custody and child support. You need a custody order in place to manage the best interests of your child (you aren't objective enough to make these decisions, which is why the courts need to make the decision if you can't come to agreement) and child support order to ensure that he also financially supports his child. However, generally, if it ends up a 50/50 custody arrangement, child support won't be necessary.

Jodi - posted on 04/18/2014

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I can totally understand your concerns about your daughter being around his room mates, etc. I've been in that situation before. I made a decision to meet the room mate and inspect the house to be satisfied.

I highly doubt your ex will be refused visitation if he applies for it. You need to make sure the custody documents allow for visitation.

With regard to child support, don't claim back support if you don't want to. Just claim ongoing support. Forget the threats from his family. It is non of their business - can't you just ignore them?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/18/2014

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Stop. Just stop.

Go get a lawyer to work through the custody agreement, and child support. You are making this all about you. Everything that YOU want, YOU need, and how YOU want to handle this situation. Instead of making it about YOU, make it about your daughter. You don't want your daughter to sleep over her FATHERS house, then you need to take the legal route. If you don't, he hopefully will. You are being very harsh, and a bit ridiculous.

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