Ok, Im not really sure how to begin with my situation without being judged, but here it goes anyway. About a year and half ago I had an affair on my husband of 18yrs, we have two boys, 18 and 15. Naturally it hurt my children badly and of course my husband, which now we are divorced. I know what I did was very very wrong and I live with this guilt everyday, however the man that I chose to have an affair with we do live together and our relationship is very strong, he is very supportive and understanding and has been my rock through this disaster, during the last year I have been working slowly on rebuilding my relationship with my boys and so far it has been going pretty good. Now keep in mind, my children have yet to meet my boyfriend and I dont force the issue, expecially with the 18 yr old, he says he forgives me but I know he is still very hurt. Oh, by the way, my ex husband has now moved his girlfriend and her 15 yr old daughter into his house. I tried very hard to make sure the boys werent involved in a messy divorce, and my ex and I were getting along pretty good for awhile, but our 15 yr old is well, how should I put this....a DIVA!!! I left the divorce with nothing, the only thing I have is the car, and joint custody, which I pay child support. Of course I dont mind, kids do cost alot of money, this I know. My ex's girlfriend is a nice women, as a matter of fact her last two ex's are also my ex's best friends!! I know I know, hold on it gets better. So I do know her, not well but enough to know that she has raised three children with two different fathers on her own and for that she deserves a lot of credit. My problem is my 15 yr old doesnt spend the alotted time with me that he should or is court ordered thru the divorce, all because he doesnt want to meet the
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User - posted on 08/06/2012
It's definitely not a question of whether you "deserve" this behavior, in my opinion. I think it's about how your sons feel about your new partner. They are naturally going to feel that he is at least partially responsible for their family breaking up. If you want to spend more time with your sons, why not offer to spend it away from your partner? You probably want them to meet your new partner and grow to like or at least accept him in the future, but it may be - understandably - a long time coming. If you spend time alone with your sons, it gives them an opportunity to re-bond with you without any additional pressures or the presence of anyone that would further fuel their anger. If you express that your ultimate goal is to have them meet or spend time with your partner, it may only cause a rift that delays their acceptance and forgiveness.
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