okay so i hope im posting this on the right spot bc i really need some advice. my husband and i have been married for 5 years but been together for 10 years. he has 2 children from previous marriage and i have 1 from a previous marriage. it has been a difficult road but we had all grown very close. my son knows him as his dad bc its all hes known. and i have taken care of his kids (his daughter lives with us, son lives with the mother). we grew as a family dealing with all the baby mama drama and my x inlaws but we pulled through. heres my problem, we were living with my husbands brother for the 3rd time of our marriage which got old. its like we could never be stable unless i was working and paying the bills. now ill admit, he worked at the beginning of our marriage but he quit that job. after that he never really could keep a job. we lived with his family a lot on and off until i got a job making pretty good money and i managed all the bills while he stayed home. it was ok at first but after awhile i began to get annoyed. he was always mad, calling me constantly while i was work, if i didnt leave by a certain time he was mad, i had to call him before i went into work and before leaving, all the while dealing with that and the stress of my job. it was very demanding. i was tired all the time. eventually i got to my breaking point and quit. i did however get a new job but it dosent pay as much. therefore i expected my husband to get a job as well. did he? no. if he did get any he would quit them. eventually we lost our house and car. had to move back into his brothers for the 3rd time in our marriage. i continued to work and while at work filling out applications and all the while he was at his brothers doing laundry and smoking pot. finally exactly one week ago, i decided i was leaving him. ill admit i did this irrationally bc i left him at 2am while he was sleeping. he did wake up. my sister was picking me up. i couldnt handle it anymore. i feel as if i was doing my best but he was not. he always relies on others. hes my husband therefore why not try and support your family? and why am i not allowed to be around my family? why am i not allowed to just go hang out with a friend once in awhile? i felt like i was on a leash. i couldnt do anything. and i already have anxiety and stress issues. currently, my son and i are staying with family while him and his daughter are still at his brothers. my husband is very upset that i left. im upset too. i miss him but tired of all the stress. we have a counselor appt monday. is am i doing the right thing?
Lacye - posted on 12/17/2012
You did the best thing for you and your son! If he's not willing to step up and be a father to both children and a supportive husband to you, then you deserve better and need to get the hell away from him.
Now I can understand him getting fired from his job (shit happens), but to quit that many jobs, not even try to get another one, and to just not be helpful with the whole situation is just beyond the breaking point.
Don't Worry about what other people think. They will say things but u have to live with your choices. If you want councling to help yourself heal and your son then Its the best way to help yourself. dont go to councling to help fix a problem with him , people only change when they are ready and I cant speak for him but it seems to me like his habbits and lifesyyle problems did not start yestarday. You will find peace and confidence in being independent . You already are but it weighs you down to have to deal with everything that should be in a partnership. Once you tell yourself you are going to be okay you will be . Stop second guessing what you did in a negative way . Once you start to make more forward movement for you and your little boy you will wonder how you managed before. Life could just begin again for you , you will find strength in this. Their is going to be hard times u may feel lonely , dont let this stop you. Find a nice community church and set goals. have popcorn and pj nights with your son and let all the negative slowly leave you. The hardest part is over you left !! Now its time to get movidated, your son will thank you when he is older. ! Im here for support u can do this , you have been , its now time to put all your energy on the two of you !! Hugs Girl keep it up !!
Krissy - posted on 12/14/2012
thank you tarra bc this is a very tough time for me. i miss him and we chat all the time. im not sure if im the crazy one bc that is how he and his family makes me feel. his mom said i had the devil in me and that i was selfish. is it selfish to want my husband to take care of his family? is it selfish to be happy? do i still seek counseling? i feel as if i am stuck.
Now that your out , the best thing for yourself is to lose contact. A leopard does not change its spots. You have a safe place for yourself and son , you are willing and able to take care of yourself . I know your married but you were not in a partnership, you were in a disfuntional relationship. Dont settle because you are going to give your son a bad example of what life is all about. Stay strong !! You will find more happiness if u dont go back !!
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