Older kids are bullying my daughter in middle school!

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2015 ( 17 moms have responded )

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My 12-year-old is in 6th grade and turned 12 in January 24th. 7th and 8th graders are bullying her. On her first day of middle school, two 7th-graders asked to show her around and to be friends and she said yes, grateful that her older peers were so kind. Then it didn't take long to realize they pulled a prank and they started whispering about her. When she asked what they were whispering about, those girls lied that they hated her boots but what they REALLY were saying made her cry. She says kids go like "Ew! Stupid 6th graders!" whenever a first-year middle schooler passes by. An 8th-grade boy beated up a 6th-grade a few days ago and the parents of the child pulled him to another school, but why do the older grades so disrespectful to sixth graders?
That's not all. 7th and 8th graders are what they call "cool" and has high schooler friends! There's a high school a block away, and a lot of them are being mean to my daughter as well. For example, a 10th grader said "I know a 7th-grader who goes to your school and she's my neighbor that says you're a stupid little 6th-grader". She wants to go back to elementary school and said that the fifth graders were so nice to the younger kids, but kids are mean in middle school....the guidance counselor came to talk to me and said that an 11th-grader has come by and said lots of little 6th-graders, my daughter and her other friends in her grade, were "stalking" her! How can a 16-year-old be like that to her?! She even posted on Twitter and said "I swear that imma burst if these little 6th-graders r still stalking me" and "Wtf it's been days since I reactivated my account and my 11-year-old stalkers are back ono". I can't believe it... my daughter doesn't even have social media, I am not willing to let my kids lie about their ages. The senior girl from the high school not the one from a block away, but in another local high school is somewhat friends with an older girl from my daughter's middle school had even contacted the middle school! How do I handle this? Middle schoolers and high schoolers are bullying my daughter for being a 6th-grader!

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Sarah - posted on 02/12/2015

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Bullying cannot be tolerated. If your school administration does not respond promptly to your request to protect your daughter. Then keep going up the chain, to the superintendent of the entire district. There should be a handbook that defines bullying and what the punishment for bullying includes. Push, push, push, in this case the squeaky wheel will get the oil and you won't regret pursuing helping your child. You'd only regret not pursuing assistance.
If you are in a position to help out, volunteer to start or participate in an anti-bullying program at the school. You may discover that the more present you are the less trouble your child will encounter.

Laurel - posted on 02/11/2015

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their isn't much you can do. except let your daughter know just to ignore them. if she ignores them they will leave her alone. and tell her to tell the teacher/ principle every time something happens. other than that that's what happens at school and shes got to tough it out. she want be 6th grader forever. and rather you like it or not kids pick on each other and they always will. just let her know she just has to ignore them. she knows she is not any of those things.

Lola - posted on 02/11/2015

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Bullys, Are They NOT Wonderful??..C'mon these are the people with such low self esteem that feed off making others feel like them. Belittling those about them, that may 'look' different, 'act' not up to par for them?...WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE??? So sad that in this day and age, this lack of RESPECT of our younger generation. And to them who are sitting by watching this activity..EVEN THEM IN OLDER AGES...SHAME ON YOU FOR NOT USING YOUR VOICE TO STOP SUCH ACTIONS...Especially in a supposed 'safe environment' we send our children who are supposed to learn. Really? I have had this issue with my son, and girls are just outright MEAN!!!..So I called the school where my son would be in tears coming home after the day of school. My son was inhibited with speech problems, which btw are totally better then these "BULLYS"..One day after REACHING OUT for HELP countless times about this at schools, Stop wasting your time, Go directly to the Superintendent of the school **They don't want this you see the schools, then it will be investigated** If that doesn't work, Police. The last call is the Police!!! Try EVERYTHING FIRST, if that fails, then call the police to get involved!! My theory, You are a Mom, You have the instinct BETTER THEN THESE PEOPLE!! and if you have tried to your wits end, and are sick and tired of your heartbroken child coming home from an institution where is hindering his/her learning..STEP IN..Go to the school yourself like I did one day. I went up there and talked to this child by himself. LOL the child was scared..Of course he was, NOW I WAS INTIMIDATING HIM..a Bully does not like this behaviour!!!...And I remember telling this young little man, I don't think his mother would like him behaving this way would he?..No was the answer, I will get in contact with her, do you want me to do that??...No was his answer...and yes I could swear this kid was scared, UNTIL I said to him, HOW would you like if somebody treated you that way?..I would not like that, was his answer. Now I am a mother like a Cat protecting her young..I will want to tear you apart for doing what you have done to my child, but I will intimidate them a little bit, so they can see how it feels to them, what they do to others!!..Yes some of you Mom's won't agree, but this worked a treat, My son came home happy all the time after that, No problems, and even was friendly with his so called 'bully'..and this was in grade school, I believe it was Grade 2...but it stopped, Call the superintendent of the school board...THAT IS THE BEST WAY..AND IF THEY DON"T WANT TO DO ANYTHING...CALL THE POLICE & Make sure they let the parental units of these horrid children be notified.

Ledia - posted on 02/11/2015

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I don't know about the bullying situation. Other than going to the teachers and principal, and then to the police if it gets out of hand.

I just wanted to add that there is better software out there to monitor what your child is doing online than the one you are using. As Jodi said, kids don't always use their real names or pictures, so it is very easy to hide from that kind of software. Also, Google reverse image search would do the same thing, so it isn't cool that you had to pay for that software.
We use a software that is installed on all of our devices. It's called something like Familynet or something similar. I don't remember, but there are tons of them out there. It tracks ALL online activity, app activity, email activity, and there are a few other things you can set it to track such as data use (for phones), video games (both on and off line), movies, etc. It sends an email to me and my husband once a week detailing activity on our devices, or we can log into an account and check anytime we want to. If our son was visiting facebook (for example) we would know it, and know that he probably has an account or is using someone else's account. In either case, we would know he has been somewhere he shouldn't be.

Of course that doesn't stop him from using a friend's device to access secret accounts, but at this stage he doesn't have that opportunity. I HOPE that by the time he is old enough to have that opportunity, I've taught him what he needs to know to be safe on social media, but I won't know until then....

Anyway, I just thought that might help. It could also help you see any threatening tweets or comments made directly to her so that you can use them as evidence.

Mercedes - posted on 02/11/2015

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Go to the school and demand camera tape reviewing if anything physically threatening ever happens. But definately contact the teachers, and let them know. I was a child that was routinely bullied throughout my entire school career, (not too long ago) and so i relate. Teach your child about having an ultimate confidence, something, anything, that makes her happy in any situation, and to focus in on that one thing. The other kids cannot take that thing away from her, and eventually they WILL fall away back to their normal lives. I've never had a bully that lasted any more than 6 months to a year. And thankfully, in the few situations that might've gotten physical, or scary, I had hallway cameras rolling and recording every moment.

Michelle - posted on 02/09/2015

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I think the real reason why these high school children are bullying my child and other kids in her grade is because the older tweens - ages 12-14 may be friends with them and they have been starting fights with the kids, so then the high schoolers see that their younger friends are doing it, and did the same mistake as well.
I know that tweens themselves can also be horrible to their peer group, specifically girls. I teach students just the same age as my daughter and everyday there's a lot of negativity going on. I'm meeting the teachers tomorrow and we'll have discussions.

Jodi - posted on 02/09/2015

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They don't use always use their real names or photos. Just be aware of that.

Also, it isn't my experience that older high schoolers bully tweens. We don't see it at our school. We do tend to see it within the age group (and we nip it in the bud very quickly), but not generally across year levels. It sounds like your school doesn't have appropriate measures in place to manage these things. Don't give up following up the school if this is an issue that is still occurring.

Michelle - posted on 02/09/2015

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Thanks all. I'm keeping a book of all those kids' and teens' names. This is the first time I've seen children bullying another child, when I was a girl, none of that happened. High schoolers loved the younger kids and always chose to hang out with us...now it's time for them to start bullying the younger tweens... still no social media accounts. Her name and usernames would have popped up when I scanned the software.

Gena - posted on 02/08/2015

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My small sister got bullied at school because she was bold from chemo therapy. She was not always at school because of her sickness. But when she did go the older children started laughing at her and calling her a nazi for having no hair. She was only 9yrs old. The school knew of the problem but they didnt stop it. I started going on the breaks to watch out for her. One boy started laughing and said something horrible... Thats when i totaly snapped and i grabbed the boy by his neck and push him against a wall..All of a sudden the teacher stood behind me and told me not to play police and i got in trouble for doing what i did. And yes i would do it again!!! She didnt go to school anymore,she had stuff she could do at hospital. A year later she passed away.
I got bullied by the mean girls in my class..because i came from a different country. It got so bad that i ran home crying and i told my parents i wont go to school again. Btw the teachers already knew i was being bullied but they did nothing to help. So my parents took me in the car..drove to school and just walked into my class. My mother started yelling and called eatch bully by their name. The funniest was when she told the "leader" of the group that she has no right to bully me because i am from a different country because she isnt 100% swiss :-) After that i wasnt bullied anymore!
Now my other younger sister also had a problem at school..the 12year olds from 3 classes decided to stop taking class..they would shout and yell during class and it ended up that they would all meet eatchother outside,sit and do nothing. Those 12 yr olds danced on the teachers noses and even the principals one.My sister was one of the pupils that WANTED to learn..in peace and in a quiet schoolclass. Ofcourse she was bullied with the other pupils that also wanted to learn. Since the school had no plan how to change the situation at that time,the solution was easy..my parents took her out of school and sent her to a different school. Her grades went up and there was no bullying there. She had a great old teacher that didnt take shit from the students! I dont know how the school handled the problem in the end..but its sad that the non problem makers had to change schools because of the other disrespectful 12yr olds!
What i want you to watch with your daughter,check on youtube for "the scary guy"..he is a friend of mine and he helps schools all over the world to end bullying! He has some great advice for young people how to deal with bullying! I wish i would have known the things he teaches when i was being bullied! Good luck

Sarah - posted on 02/08/2015

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Get on the school staff and don't let up until you get a satisfactory response. Keep a log book of each child, what the child says to your child and when and where. You daughter's physical and mental well being are being compromised. Do keep checking for hidden social media accounts.
Does your daughter have a good set of friends in her school that support her?

Jodi - posted on 02/08/2015

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Definitely follow up with the school, then. The bullying needs to stop at school, so they should be doing something about that at least.

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2015

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Nope. She does not have one. None of her friends do. Her best friend's mom and I are also best friends and we are not allowing our kids one, but I can't seem to find the names. I teach 6th-grade at another middle school, and yes, half of the class has secret Instagram and Facebook accounts.
I bought a software under $100 dollars where I can scan my child's name and face and eventually it shows up. Nothing showed up, but namesakes of my daughter. LOL. I don't know why these kids are saying that my daughter is 'stalking' online if she doesn't have one.

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2015

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You can often find if they have one by looking up some of her friends names on facebook. Those friends will likely have public profiles because kids are notoriously crappy at privacy. If you check the friends lists, you will find it linking to all their other friends, and then eventually, you even find their fake accounts!!!! Just keep going to friends of friends of friends and if she has one, you are likely to find it. They really are terrible at keeping their accounts a secret :)

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2015

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That's what I've always been worried about. Kids this age her too vulnerable to protect themselves from danger. My niece had a secret Instagram account when she was 13 and posted pictures of her in bikinis, her mom's clothing, and even a pap of her wearing sandals with her butt sticking out! Eventually, she got grounded and iPod taken away. Now she is 15 and knows better.
It's hard to believe that she has secret social media accounts, she has never lied to me before. I'd ground her for several reasons if she does: For opening online accounts without parental permission, posting pictures of herself(if any!), lying about her age, and not being honest...the school had a talk about bullying. The administrators said they can't really do anything about the high schoolers because they are not from her school but what they CAN do is have the counselor e-mail the high schools that they're bullying younger children when necessary visits to another school(all counselors are REQUIRED to have every single contact of every counselor in our school board because if they have a friend(s) from another school who needs to get them help, they're there to contact).
I can't really believe nowadays...I was friends with 8th-graders when I was her age, what happened now? They were a good influence on me, helping with my locker, school, etc. In fact, one of them and I are now in the same job and we both have kids now...we both had gone far in our lives but it seems like the kids changed...

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2015

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But you can't necessarily monitor your daughter's online habits when not with you. Chances are her friends have phones and she has access that way, particularly if her friends have accounts. Just be aware that she might actually have a facebook account or twitter account you don't know about. It happens. It happens a lot (I teach kids this age).

With regard to speaking to the school, what did they say about what they would do about the bullying at school? Have they followed up and have you spoken to them again?

Michelle - posted on 02/07/2015

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Hi Jodi, thank you for the reply. Yes, I've spoken to the school. Anyways, I have four kids 11, 8, 5, and 2 and I let the oldest three except for the 2-year-old play games online with strict monitoring. I bought this software where I can monitor my children...

Jodi - posted on 02/07/2015

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Have you spoken to the school?

On the issue of "my daughter doesn't even have social media"....how can you be so sure of that?

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