Lynne - posted on 10/29/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
Tomorrow I celebrate my 33rd birthday. Confession: Birthdays have always been a big deal for me, and I made sure everyone around me knew it! Much to my disappointment, even for milestone birthdays such as my 19th (coming of age here in Canada) and ‘the big 30’, there seems to be a detachment between my expectations and the general outcome of each passing year.
Then I asked myself, who am I to justify this anyway? I’m not the queen of England… Perhaps it’s the years of living with a large family growing up and recognition on that one day was pretty much all you would get since there were 4 other siblings who needed my parent’s attentions. Or the fact that my husband (bless his heart) usually asks me what I want to do instead of just once surprising me with something out of this world (like a trip to Vegas like my close friend’s husband did for her 30th…realistic huh?) Secondly, he never made a big deal out of birthdays his whole life and still doesn’t, and he fails to see the importance of celebrating like me.
Aren’t I making myself out to be a horrible, self centered person? Let me put things into perspective: I’ve had a good solid upbringing despite the good/bad associated with having many siblings… with all of which I am very close. I am educated, creative, resourceful and organized. Just a regular girl right? This is where things get interesting… Four years ago my husband was diagnosed with a severe chronic illness, and has had as many surgeries in as many years. Our son was 10 months old when my husband went in for emergency surgery and we lived away from home at the time. We then decided it best to move back home near family and have been back for three years now. He’s worked nights since then at a great job but nights nonetheless, so I am a single mom five days a week to our now four year old boy. My husband sees his son three mornings a week as well. So, add financial and marital strain due to said circumstances and it’s any wonder we’ve made it this far with our marriage and sanity intact (just barely...lol).
Bottom line? I don’t ask for much and I don’t get a lot of me time. In all fairness I get my hair done at the spa every two months and that is my one luxury (which I save for diligently in between visits). No more spending big bucks shopping anymore (sniff sniff) (I sew and shop at thrift stores only, I guess coming form a big family pays off after all, Ha! What do you know…) Other than that I might get an hour or two a week to myself since we try and spend our valuable weekend time together as a family. But I have come to the conclusion that we are not like other families and our reality is very different. So therefore, when the opportunity to have the spotlight on me comes around, I take it!
As I was saying, this year is different. I’ve realized that though people do genuinely care, such as our families, my husband, and my boy, in the grand scheme of things the rest doesn’t really matter. We can’t afford to go to Vegas, we are not our friends, nor do we live with their circumstances. There really is always someone better off than you, but there are always others worse off. I know of those whom could fit in both categories and are all managing just fine. I have learned when I have to push for what’s truly important and when to let things slide, when to play it by ear and when to play by the rules. I am genuinely blessed for every day my husband is with us, for a healthy adventurous, bright strong willed boy who is my whole world, and our close family ties that keep me strongly rooted.
It took me 33 years of life experience to get there, but I get it now. I am humbled by yet another aha moment!