OMG! My 2-1/2 son won't sleep in his bed anymore. Is it wrong to co-sleep at this age?

Tracie - posted on 01/08/2012 ( 194 moms have responded )

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My son slept in his crib since birth. He's always been an odd child since birth, needing to be touched held, or close enough to touch me or his dad. We had to move back in September and for a few weeks there he slept in our bed. To us its not a huge issue (although it would be nice to sleep through the night with out being kicked), but his doctor said that we've got to get him back in his own bed. As soon as I put him down in his bed, he's right back up. He cries and begs and pleads with us to open the baby gate and let him out. I've tried everything I know to do and have looked through post after post and tried out the info I found in them. Nothing helps. I've tried to put him in his bed after he's fallen asleep and within 5 minutes (or less) he's got himself awake and he's back at the baby gate pleading and crying for us to let him out. he promises that he will be good. and even says mommy please open the gate. it's stressing me out worse than I already am and it breaks my heart to the point where I'm crying too and having anxiety attacks and chest pains. I'm confused as to what to do. Yes we've let him cry, but after a non-stop, agonizing hour (or more) somethings got to give. I feel like the worst mom when I just let him cry and plead for the gate to be opened. What's worse? Forcing him to stay in his room and go to sleep in his bed, or just let him sleep with us until he feels that he's ready? We want him to sleep in his bed, but at the same time we don't want him traumatized to the point that he won't ever be able to sleep totally alone. Any Ideas out there in mommy land????

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Tine - posted on 01/09/2012

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Your son is NOT NOT NOT odd!!!!!!!!!!!
Wanting to be held and be close to parents is COMPLETELY NORMAL for babies and young children.

It is a survival thing - human babies are completely helpless for a long time and in their minds being left alone means being in terrible danger. I would have been concerned had you said that he didn't want to be touched and held.

I also think that you are obviously a great mum who has a healthy connection to your child, as is shown by your feeling that leaving him to cry alone seems wrong. It is wrong. Research shows that cry - it - out type sleep training methods cause long term emotional harm to children, and all your instincts as a mother are telling you the same thing!

What will probably help you is to listen to what your son needs and to go with that for a while until his anxiety around sleep goes. If you can let him sleep with you for a few weeks and just make no fuss at all, just act as though that's completely fine with you, he should start feeling more at ease.

Then you can start very slowly working on a solution that you can all sleep with! Get him a bed or mattress of his own and put it right next to your bed, allowing him to come back in with you whenever he needs to. At first this will be a lot, but if you let him come back into your bed if he needs to, it will stop him feeling scared and anxious that the safety and comfort of his parents has been taken away, and he will learn to associate comfort with his own bed too.

Gradually (it may take months and is partly a developmental thing, kids become ready to sleep in their own beds at different times) he will become happy in his own bed, knowing that you are there and he is safe. Over time you can move his bed to the other side of the room, then eventually back into his room. Don't do it before he is ready though, because that will just frighten him all over again.

I also suggest that you get rid of that baby gate! To him it is like being locked away in isolation, away from the people who his every instinct tells him should be there to protect him. Having a physical barrier like that just ramps up his anxiety. He should always have access to you at night.

I know that our society says that parents 'deserve' uninterrupted sleep, that when you have kids they should not 'disrupt' your life. This is crap. It completely fails to take into account the very basic emotional and safety needs of young children.

There're some great books out there that can help you a lot if you put a little time into reading them. Some are;
'Nighttime Parenting' by Dr Sears (a pediatrician)
'The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers'' by Elizabeth Pantley
Anything by Pinky McKay
'The Science of Parenting' by Margot Sunderland (which explains in clear language what is going on in your son's brain - I think every parent should read it.

Your Dr has no place telling you to force your son to sleep alone. Doctors are experts in pathology; ie in illness and in medical solutions to ill health. They are NOT experts on child rearing, breastfeeding or a whole lot of other things related to health rather than illness, and he should not be giving you advice on these things.

Another very interesting book is, 'What Your Pediatrician doesn't Know Can Hurt Your Child' by Dr Susan Markel, a pediatrician.
All these books are easy and enjoyable to read.

Personally I simply cosleep with my kids. Both my 3 year old daughter, a ver sensitive soul, and my 2 month old son co-sleep safely with us, and we have never had any of the problems that seem to common with getting kids to bed or to sleep. I understand that this is not for everyone, but there are variations that can help most families sleep happily and safely.

Best wishes, you sound like a caring mother and I'm sure you will work this out so that all of your family are happy! :-) :-)

Sherri - posted on 01/09/2012

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Well personally I wouldn't give in to him and I agree with your pediatrician that co sleeping is not the best idea. I would read a book to hugs and kisses and simply tell him it is bedtime. After that if he gets up, put him back in his bed every single time he gets up with no eye contact or communication. If he gets up a hundred times then you put him back in his bed a hundred times. He will quickly learn within a day or two that you are not going to cave and he will stay there.

[deleted account]

Find another doctor.

I wouldn't see a pediatrician who gave me parenting advice any more than I would see a gynecologist who told me how often I should have sex with my husband.

Viv - posted on 01/09/2012

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I would question why his dr wants him in his own bed. The child obviously needs you and the closeness. Cosleeping provides...:-)

Karen - posted on 01/09/2012

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Few kids go to college still co sleeping, just like most kids are potty trained before college and speak before college. Guess what... some kids like nuggets, some fruit..... they grow so quick and everyone is an expert.... do what is right for you all. Some lessons are tough but best learned in a loving environment. You know your child, trust your instinct.

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Tracie - posted on 02/06/2012

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Thank you all for your opinions and advice. After reading all of the posts, my hubby and I have decided to try to put his crib mattress on the floor next to the bed and start out with that. This way it might give him the security he needs and the space that we need. We also got a new puppy and the rule is that she sleeps in his room and when he’s ready, she will be there waiting for him. Since they are both small right now the idea is to get him to feel comfortable on/in his bed and her used to sleeping in her crate. Then we will bring them both together and see what happens. Might work, might not. We are also seeking out a new Ped. As I truly feel that there is something going on when he sleeps. I had terrible nightmares when I was a child (older than my son) and maybe that’s what’s happening to him.



Again, thank you all for your responses to my post. I’m sure that I will have other questions in the near future and I look forward to hearing from all of you again.

Cheryl - posted on 02/05/2012

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First time I've posted. I'm a single mum to a 5 yr old boy. I split with his dad when he was 3 and he likes sleeping in my bed he says it's because it's comfortable but he has a nice mattress and duvet! I don't mind him sleeping in my bed as I like having him close to me. Every night he will start in his bed but sometimes within minutes of me going downstairs I hear him sneak into my room. Sometimes I close my bedroom door and he gets upset that I've done that ( he can't turn handle) and he says I do it to keep him out my room I just casually say its not it's just to keep my room warm. I don't mind him going into my bed and he often comes in in the early hours sometimes 2 sometimes not until 6. I always put it down to he wants to be near me as his dad doesn't live here anymore. Ive read all you're posts and I think I've decided to just let him carry on I don't like to think of him upset that he can't be near to mummy and I don't see it doing any harm.

[deleted account]

My children still sleep in my bed. Ages 4, 5, and 3 months. I've tried everything their still in my bed from birth. The 7 year old started sleeping in his own bed at 5. My 5 year old just started staying in her bed most of the night. Let me know what works for you

Katie - posted on 02/03/2012

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I agree with sarsha do it gradually my daughter was similar we started by staying with her until she fel asleep in her own bed and then if she came in we let her stay at first then afeter a while stared taking her back the first couple of times she came in, coz we still needed sleep for work ect, we would let her stay after the 3rd time, and doctors actually know very little about young children. You are right to be worried about traumatising him night after night, if crying it out doesnt work fairly quickly, after a couple of nights, dont do it, go graduallly.

Fiona - posted on 01/31/2012

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how very true lisa, some parents seem to think there way of child raisng is the only way to raise a child when is not the case at all, i have many friends and we have all raised children roughly the same age and have done so with different approaches in somethings but the children are still healthy and some are adults with babies of their own so we must have done something right . as the old saying goes to each their own

Kymberly - posted on 01/31/2012

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Its only wrong if its a problem for you. Having children co-sleep intereferes with intimacy with your spouse. If you both aggree it is a problem than your 2 yr old shoudn't be in your bed. I have 5 kids and they all have co-slept. My 14yr old has not been in our bed for many years, he grew out of it on his own as did our 10yr old. Our 6 and 4 yr old find their way into our bed regularly but not every night and our 6 month old starts out in his bed but ends up in ours because its easier for me. When he is a toddler however he will be moved to his own bed with the expectation that he stay there more often than not, that its okay to be comforted with bad dreams or tummy aches. We want our kids to know we are accessable, but that everyone sleeps better sometimes in their own bed. I am looking forward to the day when our baby sleeps 8hrs or more a night, and I get 8hrs of uninterrupted sleep. Until then I will enjoy him and the time we get to snuggle, because he will grow out of it and be too big for mommy for the majority of his life. So for me a couple years of not so good sleep will make up for all the years he wont want to be so close,

JODI - posted on 01/30/2012

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I would keep trying different things..what works for you, may not work for another family. I have 2 children, ages 24, & 6 years old, I have always had good sleepers that ONLY slept in their own bed. Good luck to you, be persistant and it will work out :)

Lisa - posted on 01/29/2012

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I wrote earlier that I don't think there is a single answer for every situation. I think co-sleeping is fine for some people. I think making kids sleep in their own bed is fine for some people (this was our choice).



Neither decision will cause brain damage or hurt them long term- saying so is just judgmental and closed-minded. Although once you made your decision you should stay firm - research has shown that lack of consistency can make children feel insecure.



One point about co-sleeping that people often overlook - is that the cultures where this is the norm often have extended families who sleep near each other for life. Those kids in cultures who always co-sleep may NEVER have to sleep alone. They may sleep in the same room with their family until they get married, sometimes even after they get married. That is not normal in our society. At some point most American children will have to learn to fall asleep by themselves. Whether it's in college, on a trip, or when the spouse is away, being able to sleep by yourself is a LIFE SKILL in our culture today.



So, co-sleep if that works for you. Don't if it does not. But please stop judging either choice like it's some aberration of nature. People who co-sleep with their kids are not weird (they likely get less sleep but it's not inappropriate). People who did cry it out with their kids are not selfish or mean.



I'm so sick of parents trying to make other parents feel ashamed for their choices. Let's support each other not pick each other apart.

Terri Lynn - posted on 01/29/2012

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He needs to be put into a room with his bed , given a lovey to sleep with, and left with the door shut. You are not a bad mom at all. It is time for him to be able to sleep in his room and he will not be traumatized. He wants what he wants and he has now gotten into the habit of sleeping with you. You are actually helping him by putting him in his room and shutting the door. Let him cry. You need your couple time and he needs to learn to sleep alone and cope. Quit feeling sorry for him. You are upsetting yourself with your self-talk because you are telling yourself that you are being cruel or that he is being traumatized when he is not. Believe me, we all go through this. He KNOWS that crying and screaming will get him what he wants so you need to break that pattern and matter-of-factly tell him that he is a big boy who gets to sleep in his own room. Leave a small nightlight for him and some lovies to cuddle. For the life of me I do not understand women who bring kids into their beds as barriers between their husbands and themselves and no wonder so many husbands cheat on these women (only the women never think they are doing it). Your bed should be for cuddling and talking and making love with your husband and it is not conducive to a good and healthy relationship to have kids in the bed. Let them grow up moms!

Marta - posted on 01/29/2012

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I think that 2 1/2 is not too old at all to be co-sleeping. Just remember that all he wants is to be close to you, and obviously it is your instinct to let him be. Don't let society make you feel that it is wrong to co-sleep. He is a human being and naturally we don't like to be alone. My son is the same way. He will not sleep in his crib and has slept with me since about age 1. I too sometimes wish that I could sleep more comfortably or have more room in the bed, but ultimately it feels good that I am making my son feel safe and secure. All the moms I know who have co-slept in the past have told me that their kids ended up sleeping in their own beds eventually and on their own (without being forced). There is an age where kids want more independence and naturally they will get excited to have their own bed and room. The way I think about it is that one day my son will probably want little to do with me, so I should enjoy him and nurture him as much as I can for now. And think of it this way - you are lucky that at least your husband is still in your bed. My husband has moved over to the guest room because there is not enough room for all of us in our bed, and he can't sleep properly with my son waking up at night (although I don't mind all that much as he is a horrible snorer and my sleeps have actually been better with him in the other room LOL). Good luck with everything!!!

Misty - posted on 01/26/2012

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It's a security thing and I think you should let him sleep in your bed, or even in your room until he out grows it. I've read that if you force a child to sleep in his own bed when he's obviously anxious about something that it can lead to future physiological problems. My son is almost 9 and every now and then he comes into our room. He's to the point that letting him sleep on the bed isn't comfortable for anyone but him, so I threw down a comforter and pillow on the floor next to the bed for him to sleep on if he needs to come in. I hope this helps.

Christine - posted on 01/26/2012

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Have you ever tried putting a spare bed on the floorin your room? Maybe he just wants to be close but not necessarily in the same bed. That way, all of you can be close to each other yet also can enjoy a good night sleep.

From what i read from your post, your son seems to be a sensitive boy and is feeling that he is being punished by moving him to his own bedroom. For me, it seems it will only reinforce his desire to be closer to you and not be punished anymore. But if he realised that you actually want to have better sleeping time and not because he is not being a bad boy, he might not be so opposed to the idea of sleeping by himself.

When he is older and not as attached to you anymore, it should be easier to move him to another room. You can sweeten the transition by letting him decorate his room or even just letting him choose the bed sheets.

This is what happened with my 2 boys. I don not see why i have to listen to someone else's opinion as if it is the gospel, even though that person is a doctor. Trust your maternal instinct. As long as you are not putting your children in harm's way, you should do what you feel is right for you and your son. Good luck.

Kari - posted on 01/24/2012

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Don't fret, we went through the same thing. My son who was 4 at the time slept in his own room till we moved into a new house with a split floor plan. He didn't like sleeping that far away from us so he would sneak in in the middle of the night and crawl into bed with me. When my Husband was over seas it wasn't a big deal I would just push him over and go back to sleep. When Daddy came home it was a struggle to get him out of the bed so I setup a toddler bed next to my side of the bed and told him he could either sleep in his room or in the toddler bed but not in Mommy and Daddy's bed. It took a good couple weeks to get him to stay in the toddler bed without waking me in the night. We eventually moved the bed closer and closer to the door and when he was 5 we were able to move the toddler bed back into his room and offered rewards for being a big boy by sleeping by himself.

Antonia - posted on 01/23/2012

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ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS IS YOUR CHILD..... AT THE END OF THE DAY EVEN DOCTORS ARE WRONG ON A LOT OF THINGS....at the end how you raise your child depends on you... always, ALWAYS follow you gut, in my experience if you child is crying and pleading to sleep with you it's for a reason, I mean let's break it down... what Person just wakes up out of there sleep when they are put down.. it is "something" that is bothering/scaring him.. and your doctor just gave you the generic answer which is pure ridiculousness, what most people fail to realize is even though a child is a individual, the child is a little person who still can not express fully what exactly is bothering them so they cry, panic, scream, and so forth, because at this stage of their development that is all they know how to do...

[deleted account]

My son sleeps with us on and off but when he refuses to sleep in his bed it's usually sleeping conditions. Cribs are lower to the floor and can get really drafty, it's normal for toddler to fear the dark, being alone and silence, the air is too dry and the most overlooked: his mattress is uncomfortable for him and doesn't insulate well. It sounds like you all are dealing with sleep anxiety. This takes longer but it might work. Look at where he likes to sleep and take note at what's different. Eliminate what you can, sleeping music helps tremendously in the adjustment from sound to silence. A bigger bed or more insulating bed linens and mattress cover might also help. Most of all start a sleeping routine in comfort. Does he like baths? Cuddling? Time with mom and dad? I told my son what was coming as we were doing it. I never said "Time for bed." and then put him in PJs. About two hours before bed I'd start mentioning his routine. "okay another 15 min of playtime and then we have to do A, B, C before bedtime." It took a while but now when wants to sleep with us I know something is bothering him.

Metlida - posted on 01/23/2012

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Not a fan of your doctor! You should read Dr. Sears' books about the wonderful benefits of the family bed and co-sleeping for years. I can't say I've always loved it.... my kids are big now, and when they both jump in the bed, I can't even sleep sometimes. We only allow it on weekends now. But co-sleeping is the NORM in most other countries of the world, up until pre-teen years, and in poor countries, even longer. It's very emotionally healthy, imo, and it sounds like you will all benefit from allowing it. In a year, try telling him he can have just weekends, or every other night, ease out of it when you need to, so there's no trauma.

Heather - posted on 01/23/2012

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my april 09 baby cmes into our bed mostly every night. I dont mind except hes getting bigger and taking up more room and tend t turn sideways. DH sleeps against the wall but i dont have a wall and always end up with a bad back in the morning. I say WHAT EVER WORKS FOR YOU! your dr could say he needs t sleep in his bed and before i had a child i thught the same. but if no one in the house is sleeping because your son doesnt want to stay in his bed, then no one wins. What about maybe moving your sns bed into your room? this way he can sleep in your room and get use to his bed with ut being in your bed. How many teenage boys do you see sleeping in their parents beds? What about if you try sleeping in his room? is he going to bed early? i know with my 2 yr old if hes not tired and we try to put him to bed it just drags out the fight. I wuld rather let him stay up an extra 15 minutes then spend a half hr arguing from him to go to sleep.

Lorna - posted on 01/23/2012

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@Lise,

I didn't mean it the way you took me up. Of course he will grow out of it by the time he reaches adulthood. I know parents that are still co sleeping with kids the age of 10. Is that right?'Im my opinion' No its not. I was just trying to encourage Tracie to make the transition now when he is still young, before it turns into something and becomes a real problem for them and for him.

Angela - posted on 01/23/2012

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I had the same problem with my middle child she was always in bed with us. But she didn't seem so hurt by not being in my bed. My advise is from the dr. show. He mentioned putting the toddler bed in his room so his kids could sneak in there when ever they felt the need to be close to mom and dad. this may help a bit where he is not on top of you and your husband. and transitioning to his own room might be easier. Also a trip to the store to let him pick out a night light or small lamp might help. You are NOT a bad mom it kills me inside to hear my child beg and plead like that.

Tia - posted on 01/22/2012

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Let him when he's old enough he will remove himself. Maybe he his bad dream at nite. He will remove him self very soon. My sons sleep with me until one was 2 and the other was 3yr old. And they removed them self's.

Gayla - posted on 01/22/2012

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I honestly feel like every family is deiiferent and every child is different. I also agree with why is it so important to the doctor where your son is sleeping? My daughter was similar to your son and always needed to be close to mom or dad. We just waited til she was ready. We tried at 2 then we tried at 3 and then the 3rd time was a charm we when we tried at 4. We have always had a very good routine at bedtime so we just started reading her story to her in her bed and she also has a night light that is left on all night and little lamp that we turn off after she is asleep. She aslo know if she is ever afraid she is always welcome to come get in our bed. She will be 6 in 2 weeks and she has got in our probably 5 times in the past 2 years. Hope that helps.

Shaina - posted on 01/22/2012

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I think its fine. Compromise with a bed on the floor next to yours. Thats what my parents did for me when i was little and it worked for my oldest son too.

[deleted account]

http://drhull.com



It was $20 when I bought it. BEST $20 I ever spent on my babies! It is so worth the money for the video as it comes with lifetime email support. I used his method on my girls when they were between newborn and 9 months old. He takes the approach of "if a baby is crying, it isn't sleeping". That is, he works with a technique that does not let your child just "cry it out".



Each child and situation will probably require a slightly different approach, but it's a gradual thing to train your son to sleep in his bed. He pretty much guarantees that the issue will be resolved in around 7 nights.



My sister also used his method and some of my friends. My girls are now 4.5, 6 and 11. They were all the BEST sleepers at night and naptime. My 6 yr old who was trained the earliest at 3 months is truly my BESTEST sleeper. But I can't complain about any of them.

Doris - posted on 01/22/2012

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I let my son sleep with me until he was 4 1/2 or 5. He was experiencing night terrors at the time so for his sake and mine it was just easiest. But when it was time to transnsition into a big boy bed he didn't have a problem. . I did not do that with my other two children as it wasn't necessary and they didn't have a problem with sleeping alone in their own beds. I think every family is different and should do what is best for them. Maybe try working on a reward chart or getting him to agree to sleep in his own bed for at least part of the night. And if it doesn't work now it might work when he's a little older. Until then, enjoy him.

Lyndsey - posted on 01/22/2012

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I cosleep with my 2 and a half year old doughter doring the winter and in the summer she likes to sleep in her own bed as long as its next to mine. If you realy want him out of your bed maybe you could try putting his bed in your room and get him sleeping in it then slowly start to move his bed closer to your door then back into his room. If he still takes naps try to get him to take them in his bed. Something ells you can do is maybe put a video monitor in his room but have it so he can see you sleeping instead of you seeing him sleeping. It may comfort him to see you sleeping. another thing you can try is showing him a lil extra tlc by layng in his bed with him if you can or sit next to it and rub his back, talk to him, sing to him or what ever comforts him untill he falls asleep and if he wakes up do it again till he falls back alseep it make take a week or two of him being up and down but you gota stick with him sleeping in his bed if thats what you want. I hope this helps you

Amanda - posted on 01/22/2012

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Maybe you should ask the Dr WHY he wants you to put him in his own bed. If Dr doesn't have a good enough reason to justify the amount of stress it's putting on everyone involved then tell him so and do what you feel is right. Children have survived since the world began by parent's doing what they thought was best and science can't beat mom's gut when she really has her child's interests at heart.

Hella - posted on 01/22/2012

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Read Elizabeth Pantley: No cry sleep solution! Great ideas. Very useful book. !

Heidi - posted on 01/22/2012

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We have five kids the youngest is 11 she co-slept with us until she was 4 1/2 the others all varied in age as to when they slept in their own beds, I will remember vividly to my dying day the first night whem she 'moved out'. My husband turned to me

the next morning and said "wheres the baby" (a name she still has :-) ) we both felt a grief for the end of an era, she was very nonchalant about the whole thing. Co-sleeping

was not a concious descision for us, as a nanny/ maternity nurse/teacher it went against the grain, but started from day one with our eldest now 20 who caught us unawares by arriving on Christmas evening, we hadnt picked up her crib from the store when she was born( at home as were all her siblings) I mentioned this to the midwife who said whats wrong with in your bed with you, Absolutely nothing and thats where she slept from then on. I will add that I am British and co-sleeping is excepted and alot of times encouraged in Europe more so than here I think.

Amber - posted on 01/22/2012

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We use a kids cot we bought at Wal Mart ($25) and put it next to our bed. My daughter sleeps in that. It makes her feel secure being close to us. I can reach down and rub her back if necessary. But it allows us to sleep without being kicked in the spleen all night. :-)

Amanda - posted on 01/22/2012

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I agree with the person that says "follow your gut"! But I have to warn you. My oldest started sleeping with us when he was 2 yrs and had been sick. He is about to turn 6 and finally decided he was ready to sleep alone. We got a double bed-bunk bed so he has plenty of room and I bought "body" pillows for him so he feels like someone is near him. He has some nights where he comes into our room but normally he makes it all night. TV in his room with DVD player helped too. But we made a HUGH deal about him picking out his bed and TV and at that point he was ready!

Lisa - posted on 01/22/2012

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i hate these "cry it out" and "im the boss" type responses all those techniques do is teach our children that they're emotions and feelings dont matter and to be emotionally closed off and lose all trust in us. If anything offer one parent as a co sleeping buddy for awhile, or have him sleep in your room but maybe "camp out", use a reward system like stickers or a special activity he can do when he sleeps in his own room or try for just one night a week. it doesnt have to be all or nothing, give and take a little and teach him that you respect his feelings and that they are valid. it is a tough transition that we are still working with our 1 1/2 yr old, some nights work great others dont the point is that we are doing what works for us all without rejecting our son and invalidating his need for closeness/comfort. hope this helps and good luck

Chinelle - posted on 01/22/2012

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Maybe go shop for a special cuddle friend for him to have at night time. Make a build a bear, we have one that has heartbeat and another we stuffed with special things (pacis, when my youngest needed to give it up). You can make be anything you want, that makes you brave/sleepy... Good Luck!

Lise - posted on 01/22/2012

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@Lorna:

"this is not something that he will grow out of."



Umm... really? I coslept as a toddler, and wanted my own space. I can now sleep very well on my own (not that I get many chances, with a 2 year old).



I'm sorry, but IMO your doctor should have no say in how you parent your child.

Heather - posted on 01/22/2012

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Watch an old episode of Super Nanny about this. You need to let him CIO and cry about it. If he gets up, put him back in his bed and tell him that he had to stay there. The second time, put him back, tell him goodnight. The third time, don't say anything, just put him back in HIS bed. Keep it up for a few hours until he falls asleep, and stays in his own bed. It might also take a few tries of doing this for a few nights in a row, but it's so worth it in the long run.

Hella - posted on 01/22/2012

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Lorna!

Kids grow out the attachment. My son is an excellent example for that. They know better when they are ready to sleep alone. Some even insist it, earlier, some later, but eventually all grow it out. It is up to you if you listen to their needs. :)

Hella - posted on 01/21/2012

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My son wanted to sleep with me all the time. Even for naps, I had to stay with him, or he would wake up, and ruin the whole day because he would be tired. So I realized, he just wants to be with me, and that's it. I could push him, but I know it wouldn't do any good for him . I took 3 years, until I can have him sleep through the night in his bed. The trick was, I told him, that he will get a star (I draw it on the board) every time, he sleeps in his bed, and if he gets 10 stars, he can get a Thomas train (that is his favorite now). It looks like it is working. but I had to wait until he is really ready to sleep alone too. Try something positive with him. Maybe it will help. I guess better then let him cry out.

Sherry - posted on 01/20/2012

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tracie



have u tryed putting stuff bear or rabbit or a favor blanket he loves and put a t.v in his room and let him watch it til he falls asleep and turn on the radio so try theses and see if it works i figure out it works for my grandsons it works for them i had the same problem like u are having please let me know if it works for him





good luck sherry

Heather - posted on 01/20/2012

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At 3 years old my youngest still expects to sleep with his mommy. All I had to do is find a big enough stuffed animal to fill the space in his bed to make him feel safe and it works. I am not the first to do that trick I was actually told about it from my Grandma who did it to my Mother and her brothers. It may sound weird but you sleep with it for a few nights so it gets your smell on it and it works like a charm. Make sure it is something he likes other wise it is a waste of time.

Allisa - posted on 01/19/2012

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why dont you try putting a bed for hhim beside your bed so then he gets used to sleeping in his own bed but still have you guys close enough that he feels safe.

Lorna - posted on 01/19/2012

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To be honest I wouldn't co-sleep. I would never even recommend it. I have two children and put them into routines when they were both young. Yes your son is only 21/2 but he will grow. this is not something that he will grow out of. You have got to be stronger than you are if you really want to get this sorted. i know it's tiring, I have a 2 year old. You are not a bad mother by letting him cry, infact i would think the opposite. As a mother/father our job is to teach our children to be independant. you have got to let him cry till he realises that he is not getting his own way. He knows the more he cries and pleads and begs you to take him out, you will give in. Thats what you have taught him. But you can change it very easily if you let yourself. You and your partner need to support each other and follow through with your actions. Find something that he loves and give it to him with you or your partners scent of purfume on it. Read him a story together in his room. get him a nightlight with a character that he likes on it. these are just a few suggestions, but to be honest I think the real problem lies with ye and your attachment to him. I wish you the best of luck because it is not easy. Please let me know how you get on.

Dawne - posted on 01/19/2012

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I would like to add something to this conversation. When A doctor adises a mom to not sleep with her baby, what medical study says she shouldn't? Next time you should ask that. I can't because all 3 who I co slept with now sleep in their own rooms and it was when they were ready. If you need a study for the benefits of co sleeping read Tine Thevenin Three in a Bed and Anthropologist Dr. James McKenna has a slew of studies and books to back up the benefits of co sleeping. And Ko-Shun you are right, they will not want to hold your hands forever so enjoy the cuddle time while you can. My 15 yr.old, who use to be attached to my hip, doesn't hold my hand anymore. And when he wants to hug me I cherish it for as long as I can.

Ko-Shun - posted on 01/18/2012

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Tracie, how long will your kid want to sleep in your bed? In the near future, he may not even want to hold your hand anymore. Then you'll really miss those times when he wanted to be with you all the time... so I think it's perfectly fine to co-sleep as long as all 3 of you feel comfortable with it.

Lisa - posted on 01/18/2012

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My son is 6 and had slept with me as I left his father when he was 5 weeks old and we are very close and I am very protective of him, my 18 year old daughter thinks he should be in his own bed as all the family do, but he sobs and is very scared, when my partner stays "occasionally " he sleeps in my sons bed as my son is in with me, yes it sounds drastic but my thoughts are that eventually he will want his own bed when peer encouragement kicks in, but I'm still made to feel bad by others.

Joy - posted on 01/18/2012

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@ Heather Cronin, I really like your idea maybe because that is basically what we did also. Allowing your kids to sleep in your room is fine as long as they don't sleep in your bed and if that means putting a cushion on the floor I think that's a great idea and that way your kids don't feel rejected and yet they realize you and your husband bed is for the two of you. Like you said, eventually, within a few nights they decide they like their bed anyway.

Kari - posted on 01/18/2012

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Doctors don't know everything, and I feel you have to do what is right for your child. It isn't that big of a deal for him to sleep in your room, and he will eventually outgrow it. Maybe see if you can put the toddler bed in your room and gradually try to see if he will sleep in his bed in your room. It would break my heart to listen to beg to be out and promise to be good, as if has done something wrong. Good luck!

Dawne - posted on 01/18/2012

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Let him sleep with you until he feels ready. And it won't be until he is in college so don't listen to the naysayers. You mentioned that you moved in September and that is a huge adjustment to a little one. Toddlers and young children do not have the ability yet to identify or verbally express what they are feeling and it sounds as though your little one is feeling a bit of anxiety from the move. This will take time, patience and most important your love and reassurance to help him through this. I know because i have been through this with my oldest boy who is now 15 and sleeps in his own room and is completely independent. In time you can move him to your floor by setting up a "camping" area with an air mattress and sleeping bag. Let him help you set it up so he feels part of the process and knows that you are right there in the same room if he needs you. I did this with both of my boys and it really helped. As time moves along he will eventually want his own room and own bed but for now he needs you.

Dawn - posted on 01/17/2012

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Do what is best for you, My son was born april 2009 he is 2 and half and he still sleeps with us he has his own bed in our room with us but everytime we put him in his own bed while he is sleeping he wakes up some point and cries while climbing in my bed next to me.... I love the closeness and I love to cuddle with him and since I feel there is no harm in this why not? Like others have said they are only this little for a very little time so suck it up while we can cause soon he will be as old as my teens who barely want to hug let alone cuddle with there momma now days lol.... I will take the kicks and elbows to the ribs and eyes before I let my son think Ive abandon him and making him sleep all by himself when I co sleep every night with his daddy?..... Is it wrong for us to sleep with our souse then? I mean think about it we never sleep alone so why do you think people are telling us to make our little babies sleep by themselves? Hmmmm What a question hugh?.....

Cassie - posted on 01/17/2012

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My 3 year old dose the same think to this day but he has never sleeped in the bed with me ether say's that he wonts to get in the bed with me an I tell him No because he is a big boy an big boys sleep in there big boy bed. There is times that he will cry for hours on in but I do not go back in there after I lay him down an give him his cup. You might won't to try an turn on some sofe music on low that might came him down an help him go to sleep an give him somthing or your or your husband that smell like yall an that might help too. Let me know how it works. Look luck

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