Danielle - posted on 08/17/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
I guess this is more of a vent than anything else..
I am 37 weeks pregnant with my second child.
We have a 4 year old boy, who is Autistic.
At my monthly check-up last week, my doctor put me on bed rest as a result of high proteins found in my urine, and having other symptoms of hypertension (ex. migraines, sight disturbances, extreme exhaustion, lightheadedness). I am suppose to be taking it easy and monitoring my blood pressure to avoid my symptoms turning into clampsia.
My husband works full time, and because I will need a c-section at 39 weeks due to the position of the baby, and the current complications he is unable to take time off now to help because he needs to save up his vacation time for after the surgery.
I have told my parents (who are divorced), and my sister the circumstances. I did not expect any help from them, but was thankful when they were all supportive of the idea that I need to get as much rest as possible. My mom surprised me when she took off two weeks from work to "help" while I rested, and my sister said that she would watch our son when my mother couldn't help. This was suppose to allow me to rest.
My mother has been off for a week now, and hasn't offered to help since she's been on her vacation. She called in today to "check" on how I was doing.
I was literally in tear, as I was overwhelmed and stressed with my day. I am up every two hours to pee at night, and that is not including waking up to shift my body into a more comfortable position. I am exhausted.
Our 4 year old is Non-verbal, and Autistic, and as such I do not like to leave him unattended for very long. If he wanders into another room I will try calling him back.. but if he doesn't respond I am on my feet checking on him. Today was a bad day for my son, and was very needy and whinny.
Anyways, my mother calls, and while it is evident I need the assistance after hearing my four year old screaming and tantruming in the background, she says "You need to relax, its only going to get worse when the baby comes".
She then compares herself to my father (who also agreed to help, but instead took his vacation with his new wife out of state). But I personally don't see the difference. Well, there is a bit of a difference. Although my father doesn't take him very often, if he hears I am stressed he will at least grudgingly offer.
She is acting like she is "oh so helpful" when all she does is call, hears that I need help, but instead of actually offering to help she does her part by not tying me up to the phone so I can go back to work.
I don't know why I thought she would actually help. She also used my miscarriage in May as an excuse to use up personal days to "Help" as well and I had not heard from her for that week as well.
I am so upset and stressed over everything.
I don't want to nag her to help. I wouldn't want her here helping if she didn't genuinely want to be here for me. It makes me sad that this is the family I have. It seems like everyone in my family will not do anything for each other unless it benefits themselves as well.
My father calls every morning to check how I am doing. He will remind me to do nothing, but will volunteer my tired, overworked husband do everything. If I do not get around to the cleaning, my husband will wash the dishes, vacuum, make supper, and put our son to sleep after he is done a 9 hour shift at work.
He is getting run down, so I am trying to do what I can to keep pace with the workload I did before I became so heavily pregnant..
My father doesn't see this, and gets angry when I tell him I am folding laundry or making supper.
This is also very ironic because when I was younger my father was the quintessential "Male of the house". When he was home from work his feet were up, T.V on, and my mother did everything with cleaning and childrearing.
I don't know how to make them see. Or if I should even try.. maybe I should just ignore them and just try to keep doing what I can until the birth.
How would you handle a family like this? I don't think I could approach them without them being all stubborn and pigheaded about it. I have tried to reason with my father and explain, but he just gets angry and makes it seem like my husband doesn't have enough on his plate...
What should I do!?