Nikki - posted on 10/31/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )
First- sorry for the long post- this has been brewing inside me for a long time and I MUST get it out! Thanks in advance for listening and for any comments/feedback.
I know relationships with in-laws are different from our own parents, but I just can't bring myself to understand it. My little girl is 9 months old, and ever since she was born there has been only 1 time that the in-laws have asked to stop by. Otherwise, my husband and I make ALL the effort to have them over or stop by their house. I have told them myself several times that they are welcome at anytime, but I'm sick of dictating and making the effort to make sure they see her. MIL has told my husband that she doesn't want to impose and her way to saying they want to see her is by offering to babysit. The problem is, I can't trust MIL or FIL to babysit (for the reasons below). I don't understand why they just can't come out and invite us over or ask to stop by.
I currently refuse to have the in-laws babysit. I'm probably being a crazy overprotective mother but they have done several things that have bothered me. I try to get over it but everytime I feel like I take a step forward something happens to make me take two steps back. I feel like there is this strange power struggle between us. Here are some examples of situations:
-When the baby would cry, MIL would try to comfort her (rocking her in a rough way either in her arms or stroller) and if she was still crying say "oh grandpa she wants you." She would try to hand her off to other people and never give her to me even though it's obviously what baby wanted. I've grown a pair and now I just take her if she cries.
-MIL put her fingers in babys mouth a couple of times checking for teeth- GROSS!
-Now baby is almost 9 mos, when we were out with them the other day the in-laws gave her a fry when I wasn't looking- I only caught baby trying to give fry back to my FIL (she knows it's not what's best for her!)
-In-laws have a small, very energetic small dog that jumps on people. When we visited, MIL had baby and knelt down to the dog (who has NEVER been around children and is very protective over MIL)- luckily no one was hurt.
-MIL offered to have the entire family over for Easter. We told them that we would not be coming (MIL smoked in the house) but MIL never told FIL the reason why. FIL asked my husband to please consider coming and was very angry when he found out the reason was the smoke in the house. *This doesn't have to do with baby but made me and my husband look like a$$holes.
I really try to make things fair between both sets of our parents. I didn't have my fathers side growing up so I feel very grateful that they are around, but I just don't get it. My parents are naturals since this is their 5th grandchild but it is in-laws 1st grandchild. Am I completely overacting? Any comments/feedback is greatly appreciated!