Only Child?

Rogina - posted on 07/02/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

98

2

12

My husband and I have a wonderful 7 month old little boy. I am 30 and my husband is 37. It took several years to have our son due to fertility issues and we have decided that we are not going to have another child. Don't get me wrong, we are very happy about having our son, but we knew even when I was pregnant that our family was complete with just him. We have been criticized by other people for our decision and just wonder how many other families out there made the decision to have just one baby.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

{{{HUGS}}} Been there, done that. We also experienced multiple miscarriages & fertility issues. I am more than happy and content with our family of 3. Please join me on the Mothers of Only Children board.

First of all, you owe NOBODY an explanation as to how many children you have. Over the years, I have learned that small talk in the grocery line or more recently on an airplane tends to prompt the question "Do you have any more kids?" I proudly say "Nope-he's my one and only...but never lonely".

*Only children does not equate lonely children. It is a parent's responsibility to see to it that our chldren are not lonely. Begin playdates and social groups early on. As a working mom, my son was exposed to both in-home child care plus traditional daycare settings. He is active in sports and in the community. Lots of friends and I always welcome kids to come and play. While cousins never replace siblings, my son is close in age to his 2 boy cousins. They also live locally so it's never an issue to have all the boys over here.

*Only children does not equate spoiled children. Again, a parent's responsibility to see to it that you do not spoil your child. Plus, the same statement can be made of kids with multiple siblings. I'm a teacher and I have seen extremely spoiled kids!

*Only children are always bored becasue they have no siblings to play with. Again-not true and it goes back to parenting to ensure that your child is not bored. Besides, how often to kids with siblings whine "I'm bored!"

*Having a sibling means someone to grow up with and be best friends. Really?! Not always the case. My siblings & I are closer now as adults than as kids. My husband and his brother rarely speak. No guarantee that siblings will get along and like each other.

*Only children are selfish and don't know how to share. Well the same canbe applied to kids with siblings and it goes back to teaching your kid how to share! I'm not saying my son is perfect in the sharing department, but a lot of 5 year olds aren't either.

Good parenting goes a long way no matter how many kids you have! All the very best to you and your family of 3 :-)

16 Comments

View replies by

Tracy - posted on 09/09/2011

17

12

0

I have one daughter aged 2 and a half and won't be having any more. I still get asked when the next one's coming and it upsets me because it makes me feel like I "should" have another. Various reasons for not having another include, the fact that when I was pregnant I suffered from terrible SPD, so much so that I could hardly walk, and had to bump down the stairs on my bum. My daughter wasn't breathing when she was born and we could've lost her, as it was she spend 10 days in Neonatel which was horrific. I'm 39 and don't fancy starting all over again, also not sure we could even afford another one!!

People shouldn't judge others decisions, everyone makes their decision for their own reasons and what is right for one family isn't right for another.
I think I am sometimes more worried about what other people think than what is best for us as a family, hopefully one day I'll feel at peace with my choice as I know it is the best one for us.

Jessica - posted on 07/17/2011

2

4

0

Seriously, having another child takes on a huge financial obligation that in fact can be career changing for one parent or the other. The truth is we are paying $9,620 for preschool for one child. A newborn would add an additional $11,400 to the mix. Each child deduction on 2010's taxes was $4,000. The prices we are paying to stay employed and to have children are outrageous, and not recognized by the federal government.
I know few things...
I could pay less for child care. But would $50 less a week provide what care I am receiving now, no.
If I had a relative to care for the child, I could support another baby. Maybe. If my support unit was strong, with consistent schedules, and had a routine or curriculum.
Would $50. a week offset having another child?
No. The tax credit would force a member of the family to stay at home, putting ongoing financial burden on the income and therefore causing issues with home mortgages, and overall financial debt.
Would a sibling be welcome?
Of course. I too, would love to invite another baby to our family... I think that my son absolutely needs it. I believe that his ongoing support, his willingness to forget his oneness in situations would be inviting. I would love, love, love to have another... Although in the real nature of the situation am not financially able to. It is sad to say, and there is absolutely no way around the issue. But we cannot survive on one income or paying tuition that is at or higher than college at 0 years to 5 years, especially for two...

Helen - posted on 07/02/2010

50

0

5

Its nobody elses business but yours and your husbands! I'm an only child, due to my mum having medical problems, and as a result I'm a strong, independent person with some amazing friends who I'm closer to than some friends are to their siblings.
We have one little boy at the moment, and may try for another in the future, but to be honest I love having him and being able to give him my full attention, so may decide to stop with just him.
I'd tell everyone else just to mind their own business!!

[deleted account]

We did....and I hate to say it but i'm very glad we did as I now know with everything going on in my little one's life I just couldn't handle another one. When my SIL was pregnant I debated on bringing up another child talk with my husband until I visited them for the first time since she was born. After seeing how tired she is, how much stuff she needs for both children, etc. I have finally come to understand why my daughter is the only one we will every have.

Angie - posted on 07/02/2010

2,621

0

407

I think there are good things either way. We considered having a one child family but changed our minds one year when we watched two friends lose a parent. One person was an only child and the other came from a large family. The only child (who was married and had a family to support him) said he wished he had a sibling to help him. That day he told us not to have a single child family. Our children have learned how to cooperate with a person they are living with. They have learned how to fight fairly (most of the time). It works for my family but it doesn't work for everyone. Don't worry about other's opinions do what you are your husband think is best.

Kathy - posted on 07/02/2010

462

15

68

We decided to be a one child only family after years of unexplained infertility after our daughter was born. We were very happy. I didn't care what other people thought or said. We made jokes about bad baby batter and not being able to hit the target. We ended up with a surprise pregnacy when our daughter was 6. So we had to readjust our family dynamics. LOL If you are happy-don't worry what people say. Find some off-hand comebacks for the questions. Enjoy yourselves. Being a family of three is wonderful!

Tracy - posted on 07/02/2010

737

13

78

"Someone to play with"? Ugh. Rogina, I was an only child for most of my childhood. When I had step siblings we hated each other. lol I learned to entertain myself when I wasn't with friends. There wasn't cable or video games, I had to figure out my own entertainment by using my imagination. I learned how to deal with things on my own and how to be alone. Honestly, we've become a society of people who can't think for themselves and don't know how to be alone with themselves. It's really sad.

Rogina - posted on 07/02/2010

98

2

12

I have heard it all. The two I hear most often is they need someone to play with, and they won't have anyone after you are gone. First of all, there are a lot of other children around he can play with and second, I hope that by the time my husband and I are gone he will have his own family. Thanks for the support everyone. I know we have made the right decision. Our little man was worth the wait and we enjoy every second with him. Event the smelly ones.:)

Josie - posted on 07/02/2010

147

2

15

I only have one and me and my husband have no plans to have any more anytime soon. I'm ALWAYS getting the "when are you gonna have another one?" question. Honestly, I just tell them "never" and walk away. I'm only 24! Geez.

Louise - posted on 07/02/2010

5,429

69

2321

I think people should mind here own business. It is you and your husband who make the decision and nobody elses. I have three children two that are older teenagers and one of 20 months. So really I am bringing her up as an only child. People think she is my only child and ask me am I going to have any more and they are shocked when I say absolutely not.

I say good for you, if you are adament you are not having anymore then you stick to your guns and tell every body else to butt out!

[deleted account]

My hubby and I only have Roxanne (21 months) and at the moment it doesn't look like we're going to be having anymore either! I'm 33 and Chad is 35 and for now we're completely content just having the one....I doubt there will be more in our future!

Enjoy your lil' guy and try not to let everyone's opinions bring you down!

Tracy - posted on 07/02/2010

737

13

78

I'd tell them that their input/opinion on my reproductive choices are frankly none of their business. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sticking with one, be it fertility issues or simply because you don't WANT another. It's NO ONE else's place to criticize another for their choice to stick with one.

I personally ended up with two. #2 was due to heavy antibiotics and a bottle of wine. While I wouldn't trade her for anything, she threw my plans off by about 2 years. It's ok. But until she came along, I was perfectly happy with just having my boy.

Heather - posted on 07/02/2010

80

33

11

The decision was out of our control to a certain extent. Firstly due to living on opposite sides of the world and then financially. Once the living and finances were sorted, we felt that age was against us. I didn't fancy and I still don't, being 60 when our child was 18. To those who do have children later, you have my utmost admiration.

My family and friends have finally stopped asking when the next baby is coming. Yes it hurts sometimes, especially when our son says that having a brother or sister wouldn't be so bad!

In the long run, it's your family and you have to do what's right for you.

If things had been different, who knows what would have happened? No regrets here.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms