only child????

Layla - posted on 03/01/2011 ( 4 moms have responded )




hi i have a daughter ella she is 18 months old and 4 weeks ago i had a miscarage this has put me off trying again i found the pregnancy very hard esp when i had to go on bed rest and dont think its fair to do it again just inc ase its to hard again i feel that my daughter should have my full attention but does she need a brother or sister am i being selfish not wanting to go through it agin at the min im only 23 so i know i have plenty of time to change my mind but i just want to do whats right for my daughter, do any of you have only children how do you find it and if you have 2 or 3 do you think thats best please help i would love the advice


View replies by

Charlie - posted on 03/01/2011




so sorry for your loss
i myself am 23 and i have 3 kids 4 3 and 8months i have also had 4 miscarriage in-between so i understand how lost and confused you prob feel having 3 kids is sooo much harder than one as they all want different attention from you so its so much time an not another hours when i had my first i loved being a first time mum an all the things i had to learn but then as he got older he looked so sad when i went to do the bottle so when i fell preg the second time i was over the mood but then lost her at 4 months 3 weeks later i was preg again and was really really scared but was the best pregnacie ever and labour :) its all down to you chick only you know how you feel but whatever you choose good luck

Lise - posted on 03/01/2011




Don't rush it. My daughters are 4 years apart and they are fine. You have lots of time to figure out what you want to do. Give yourself and your baby time with eachother then later if you feel you want another one when Ella is more self sufficent go for it. If you decide you don't want another that's fine too. Good luck and I'm sorry about your loss.

Theresa - posted on 03/01/2011




First I'm sorry for your loss.
I think only children can be very happy well adjusted children and I think children with siblings can be the same. Give it some time. Like you siad you ae young and have plenty of time. My oldest 2 are 3 years apart, and #3 is 9 1/2 years younger than #2, so there's no perfect age difference. Take some time and just enjoy your daughter, see how you feel later down the road. Every pregnancy is different, so if you were to get pregnant again you could breeze through it.

Louise - posted on 03/01/2011




I have experience of both of this. I had two sons close together aged 21 and they grew up together. I think having two children they play with each other and have company all day long. But then I had a daughter 15 years later who I am now raising as an only child as I have no intentions of having any more (had three miscarriages having her). All I can say is she does get 100% of my attention but she does miss stimulation from other children. It is far harder raising one than it is two. She wants me to play all the time with her and never leaves my side, she associates more with adults than children and at mums and tots she is more interested in the mums than the kids. My daughter is very bright and I think this is because she gets one to one, mind you her elder brother was also very bright and on the gifted and talented register.

At the end of the day it is purely your choice and what life you want to live. You are still very young yourself and there is plenty of time to have more children. I know how you feel about the miscarriage it is very painful and emotionally draining, but remember that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage it is that common.

Your daughter will make her own life for herself whether an only child or one of many, she will adapt. The decision is purely yours!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms