Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My son was jsut diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), anyone else with these kind of issues any advice?

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Alison - posted on 02/08/2009

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Its easy to get frustrated with a child with ODD, but I find with my son if I smack him, he thinks that its OK for him to smack other people, like his sister - so timeouts are the number one choice, it gives everyone some time to calm down.



Im a single mum, so its only me that sets the rules of the house, but I could probably do with abit more consistancy, it is difficult when he is constantly testing your limits to see what he can get away with. 

Alison - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Lori:

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

My son was jsut diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), anyone else with these kind of issues any advice?



My son has also been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, hes seven years old, and has also been diagnosed with ADHD and conduct disorder. I have been given a lot of advice, (mostly from people who have never had to deal with a difficult child!)



What I try to do is keep my cool and not get into argument, I try not to give in to bad behaviour and if it all gets to much he gets a time out! I have been told by proffesionals to reward all good behaviour and ignore all bad behaviour, but I just cant get that to work in my household.  


 

Paulette - posted on 02/08/2009

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Hi Lori, My nephew has this and is also on the spectrum and does well with consistence, routines and boundaries. It helps his behavior because he knows what to expect. A written or picture schedule helped too because it helpd take out some of the anxieties in his day. Take care.

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Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Norma:

My daughter was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. I can answer about any question you may have. How old is your son?



He is nine, I have seen the needs for structure in him fo r a long time, when he was in preschool I found that I had to use the structure at home that they did at school, It worked so well! and I do work well with him now but with all the stuff that my husband and I are going thru he is really found that he can play us against each other!

Norma - posted on 02/08/2009

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My daughter was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. I can answer about any question you may have. How old is your son?

Norma - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Lori:

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

My son was jsut diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), anyone else with these kind of issues any advice?


 

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Paulette:



Hey Lori, I can totally see where you're coming from. What kind of generation was your husband raised in? Some men have their pride...like I have a son! They are so full of pride and happy...I am going to raise him to play ball, etc. So now when they have a child with special needs, they go into denial mode. He is will to spank the child when he does something wrong. Let him know that you understand his position on this matter. I would ask him to reserve his reaction to use physical punishment for 2-3 weeks and do things differently. Ask him to take notes to help him compare how your sons behavior was at the start till the end of the 3 weeks. Ask him to reserve judgement till then. Before doing this I would come up with tools to help each other cope with your sons behaviors. I would let him know that teamwork is needed at this time. After all it took a team to create the child so why would this be any different. I hope this helps and is just my suggestions. Take care. 






We have been instructed to sit down and make a plan and some rewards and some consequences by our marriage councelor who is also on the team with the kids therapists... and he has not... she brought us in and explained the issue with us and he has not even tried to broach the issue... he has avoided all issues with the kids for 9 years... it is really hard... he was raised by a mother with personality disorder...

Paulette - posted on 02/08/2009

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Hey Lori, I can totally see where you're coming from. What kind of generation was your husband raised in? Some men have their pride...like I have a son! They are so full of pride and happy...I am going to raise him to play ball, etc. So now when they have a child with special needs, they go into denial mode. He is will to spank the child when he does something wrong. Let him know that you understand his position on this matter. I would ask him to reserve his reaction to use physical punishment for 2-3 weeks and do things differently. Ask him to take notes to help him compare how your sons behavior was at the start till the end of the 3 weeks. Ask him to reserve judgement till then. Before doing this I would come up with tools to help each other cope with your sons behaviors. I would let him know that teamwork is needed at this time. After all it took a team to create the child so why would this be any different. I hope this helps and is just my suggestions. Take care. 

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Cindy:



I found this on Google...






All children are oppositional from time to time, particularly when tired, hungry, stressed or upset. They may argue, talk back, disobey, and defy parents, teachers, and other adults.   Oppositional behavior is often a normal part of development for two to three year olds and early adolescents.  However, openly uncooperative and hostile behavior becomes a serious concern when it is so frequent and consistent that it stands out when compared with other children of the same age and developmental level and when it affects the child's social, family, and academic life.






In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster's day to day functioning.  Symptoms of ODD may include:





frequent temper tantrums
excessive arguing with adults
active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
frequent anger and resentment
mean and hateful talking when upset
seeking revenge



The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more noticeable at home or at school.  Five to fifteen percent of all school‑age children have ODD.  The causes of ODD are unknown, but many parents report that their child with ODD was more rigid and demanding than the child's siblings from an early age.  Biological and environmental factors may have a role.






And it goes on from there.






It's hard to be a single Parent in a two parent home.  You need to get DAD's head out of his Butt, and in line with you.  YOU ARE HIS ONLY HELP right now.  You are #1.  Paulette and Allison know your pain.  It looks like I'm in for what you are going through right now.  Dig in your heels and use your voice on DAD.  Make Dad go to class.  Stick to your instincts.  Reduce the Home stresses, get into routeins, be firm but be possitive.  If I can find info on Google, you know you are not really alone.  Some kids just have not been diagnosed yet.  Good luck.






This other thread of mine will help you see the dnamics of my family... http://apps.facebook.com/circleofmoms/th...

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

I created a new community today for moms with children or teens with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). Please check it out, join and comment. I also have links posted and hope to grow this community so much more.
I would like to help you, as I have a 14 year old daughter that was diagnosed when she was 7.
Alot of people try to be helpful, but they haven't actually been there. That's why I created a new site today.
The best advice I can give you is to get help. You can't do it alone, or even just your family and you can't do it alone. You will have to get some professional help. My daughter has gotten worse over the years. We have been in therapy to deal with this, but it just gets worse.
I don't want to scare you or anything, but it's true. We do have some good days, but most are rittled with arguements. The thing with ODD, is that the kids just don't care. All they care about is that they get what they want. Keep in mind, that most of these kids don't know WHY they act this way, they just do. It's the disorder, not the child.
Please visit my new community adn check out my link on ODD and CD (conduct disorder). It will help explain alot more than I can in this short section.
Read and research as much as you can. This is the LEAST known about disorder out there.
Make a pact with your husband or boyfriend and/or family. These kids will make you look like the worst parent ever. They seek to 'divide and conquer'. Again, it's the disorder, not the child. Keep in constant contact with the school, therapist and family. The child will make you look like a fool if you let them. They are also great manipulators, so be on your toes at all times. Try to keep him focused on one topic at a time, as my daughter will change subjects so fast, you won't know what hit you. Before you know it, you are not arguing about school any more, it's about friends, and activities. and then before you know it, you and your husband will be fighting. That's what they do to get the attention off of them and then they get to do what they wanted. Before you now what happened, they are off and happy, while you are left feeling drained and helpless.
I will be here for you, as I haven't had many parents to support me in the daily struggles I have with my daughter.
Michelle


THank you SOOOOOOOOOOO much can you post me a link?

Cindy - posted on 02/08/2009

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I found this on Google...



All children are oppositional from time to time, particularly when tired, hungry, stressed or upset. They may argue, talk back, disobey, and defy parents, teachers, and other adults.   Oppositional behavior is often a normal part of development for two to three year olds and early adolescents.  However, openly uncooperative and hostile behavior becomes a serious concern when it is so frequent and consistent that it stands out when compared with other children of the same age and developmental level and when it affects the child's social, family, and academic life.



In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster's day to day functioning.  Symptoms of ODD may include:





frequent temper tantrums

excessive arguing with adults

active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules

deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people

blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior

often being touchy or easily annoyed by others

frequent anger and resentment

mean and hateful talking when upset

seeking revenge



The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more noticeable at home or at school.  Five to fifteen percent of all school‑age children have ODD.  The causes of ODD are unknown, but many parents report that their child with ODD was more rigid and demanding than the child's siblings from an early age.  Biological and environmental factors may have a role.



And it goes on from there.



It's hard to be a single Parent in a two parent home.  You need to get DAD's head out of his Butt, and in line with you.  YOU ARE HIS ONLY HELP right now.  You are #1.  Paulette and Allison know your pain.  It looks like I'm in for what you are going through right now.  Dig in your heels and use your voice on DAD.  Make Dad go to class.  Stick to your instincts.  Reduce the Home stresses, get into routeins, be firm but be possitive.  If I can find info on Google, you know you are not really alone.  Some kids just have not been diagnosed yet.  Good luck.

Michelle - posted on 02/08/2009

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I created a new community today for moms with children or teens with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). Please check it out, join and comment. I also have links posted and hope to grow this community so much more.

I would like to help you, as I have a 14 year old daughter that was diagnosed when she was 7.

Alot of people try to be helpful, but they haven't actually been there. That's why I created a new site today.

The best advice I can give you is to get help. You can't do it alone, or even just your family and you can't do it alone. You will have to get some professional help. My daughter has gotten worse over the years. We have been in therapy to deal with this, but it just gets worse.

I don't want to scare you or anything, but it's true. We do have some good days, but most are rittled with arguements. The thing with ODD, is that the kids just don't care. All they care about is that they get what they want. Keep in mind, that most of these kids don't know WHY they act this way, they just do. It's the disorder, not the child.

Please visit my new community adn check out my link on ODD and CD (conduct disorder). It will help explain alot more than I can in this short section.

Read and research as much as you can. This is the LEAST known about disorder out there.

Make a pact with your husband or boyfriend and/or family. These kids will make you look like the worst parent ever. They seek to 'divide and conquer'. Again, it's the disorder, not the child. Keep in constant contact with the school, therapist and family. The child will make you look like a fool if you let them. They are also great manipulators, so be on your toes at all times. Try to keep him focused on one topic at a time, as my daughter will change subjects so fast, you won't know what hit you. Before you know it, you are not arguing about school any more, it's about friends, and activities. and then before you know it, you and your husband will be fighting. That's what they do to get the attention off of them and then they get to do what they wanted. Before you now what happened, they are off and happy, while you are left feeling drained and helpless.

I will be here for you, as I haven't had many parents to support me in the daily struggles I have with my daughter.

Michelle

Lori - posted on 02/08/2009

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Quoting Alison:






Quoting Lori:

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

My son was jsut diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), anyone else with these kind of issues any advice?






My son has also been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, hes seven years old, and has also been diagnosed with ADHD and conduct disorder. I have been given a lot of advice, (mostly from people who have never had to deal with a difficult child!)




What I try to do is keep my cool and not get into argument, I try not to give in to bad behaviour and if it all gets to much he gets a time out! I have been told by proffesionals to reward all good behaviour and ignore all bad behaviour, but I just cant get that to work in my household.  





 






I hear that! Its hard to get me and my husband on the same page at all, he does not want to understand it and he does not want to go to the classes with me. so it is only me that will be consistant with him and dad likes to use physical punishment!

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