Our son is 2- His dad has moved out: NOW WHAT

Rayshoun - posted on 07/17/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My son's father used alcohol and drugs on a pretty regular basis; in and out of treatment centers - only to say he does not "have a problem" & things between us became very bad. Our son will be 3 in October. We have had no intimate relations in well over a year and a half we are 100% no longer a couple. He moved out today. My son will be looking for him - he will have questions - any advice as to how I share with him that dad lives somewhere else? Please note that his dad does not live in the local area he's out of the city so he will not be able to see him on a regular basis. Meanwhile I have been offered a job way out of state in the Midwest all thoughts feedback suggestions are all welcome thanks moms

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Michelle - posted on 07/18/2015

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Even if he is not on the birth certificate, he can go to court, get a DNA test ordered and then claim custody. Best to get it sorted now before any of that happens.

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2015

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Like Shawnn has said, get custody sorted out BEFORE you even think of moving!!!! Make sure you have in your orders a provision for you to move or he can make sure you don't.
In regards to what to tell your son: Just let him know that Mummy and Daddy couldn't live together anymore and Daddy has moved out. You don't need to go into any more details.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/17/2015

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So you proved my post, Julia. ESTABLISH CUSTODY.

The parent who has the child right now, whether or not custody has been established, does not have sole possession of the child, because the child is not a possession. The mother in question does not have the legal right to remove that child until they have court paperwork stating that they DO have the authority.

Julia - posted on 07/17/2015

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This is in response to Shawns post. I have a 3 year old and my ex fiancée signed temporary guardiandship over to his Father in Florida, Me and my daughter's father live in Maryland. There was never any custody arrangement but now I have been fighting to get my daughter back to Maryland. All the lawyers I talked to are completely shocked that this happened and that when I went to Florida to get her they would not return her all because I did not have a piece of paper saying I had custody. So your boyfriend/ex could do the same thing. Custody laws are so hard because every state is different. Its messed up some states the parents can just up and disappear with the child if there is no custody order in place and even then its just a violation. Its very frustrating and sad.

Julia - posted on 07/17/2015

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Well did he spend time and do activities with your son? If you take away the drugs in this situation, how would you rate him as a father? If the answer is bad then go and take the job. However if he really loves his son, I would give him a chance to straighten. Only one chance though. I'm in a tough spot my self and I always think to myself before I do anything, Is this what is best for my daughter?. So before you do anything just think what is best for your son first. Then go from there but get custody right away.

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Rayshoun - posted on 07/18/2015

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Yep. Gotcha. I had been told previously that if his name was not on the birth certificate, the father was considered unknown - and that I would not need to do all of that... However I think speaking to an attorney will clear everything up for me and ensure that I am operating illegally thank you lady so muc .
as with most people who use drugs or alcohol, when you're sober he is decent... The issue remains when is he sober --how long will he be sober etc etc and that has been the largest challenge

Rayshoun - posted on 07/18/2015

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Gotcha. Will handle Monday mornin . i thought he had to be listed on the birth certificate to initiate these sort of claims etc. But I will check on GA Law and proceed from there. Thx!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/17/2015

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1) Make sure you have support and custody orders established from the get go.

You don't have the right to make the decision to move out of the area with the child, because that will be detrimental to his relationship with his father, and the child HAS THE RIGHT to that relationship.
You can request either supervised visitation, or something along those lines, but ONLY if you have solid proof that the man may endanger your child.
Make sure you do everything by the legal route.

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