out of control 18 year old daughter who lives at home

Wendy - posted on 12/09/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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what rights does a mother have while they are in your home? she has everything provided, does not work, did not complete home school and keeps putting off her ged. does nothing, dad condones all. what to do?

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Wendy - posted on 12/10/2013

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Thank you so much for responding. I face a great delima dealing with my husband. I have tried many times to approach him concerning her; however, he never wants to talk about it and always responds "she is fine, leave her alone". I have sacrificed everything for my children and since she is my oldest, i have to admit I gave her my best and spoiled her up until she was 16. She was a straight A student, i always supported and helped her...helped a bit too much at times. As long as she was doing so well, I thought it was fine to reward her. When she turned 16,as is so typical, a boy came into the picture and her focus completely shifted. she began to do poorly in school, i begged the teachers to spend extra time in tutoring her. I found out later that she rarely showed up for tutoring and was spending her after school time with the boy. Being military, we moved and she was devistated once they broke up and rebelled by hanging out with the wrong crowd. I put a stop to this and have had the unfortunate pleasure of always being the disiplinarian. She then wanted to be home schooled and my husband, against my wishes, agreed. I knew she lacked the disiplin to do it without the structure of a traditional school. I found out much too late, hidden by my husband, that she had not done any of her work and failed a complete year. He allowed her to not return when she was 17 and she has yet to get her GED. I have demanded she study and go take the test, but she always has an excuse. The route with my husband will not work and I am at a loss as to what to do now. She wont be able to get a job if she tried right now. At 18, she acts likes she knows everything and is back with the boy she was with before as we have moved back to our previous location. I know she is having sex and i forecast that they will be engaged by christmas. The boy is completely blinded and thinks she graduated and i believe he thinks she is taking classes at a local college. Everything is a farce and will soon blow up in her face. I know it with all I am. I just dont know what I can do to make her comply; wheather its by legal means or not. I, having no help from my drug addicted spouse (whom I am also, at the risk of his career, contemplating making him seek treatment to awaken him from his stupor he put himself in after the loss of his father....I lost my father too but never resorted to simply stepping out of life), fear that my only recourse at this point is a bit of tough love. Making her move out and showing her how fortunate she really is. I just dont know if my husband would ever allow it.

Jodi - posted on 12/09/2013

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You need to discuss this with her father and the two of you need to be on the same page about your expectations. It isn't acceptable that a child who is refusing to complete school is also having everything provided for them and doesn't go and find a job. But unless her father agrees with this position, you are going to have no control over this - you need to back each other up.

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