out of control young adult

Jeri - posted on 02/19/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a daughter that is 27 years old and hanging around people thatr bringing her down. She is running the streets and not coming home or going to work to better herself. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help her?

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/19/2014

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Ok, so your 27 year old is acting like a teenager, but she's an adult, and presumably supporting herself.

If she's still living in your home, you can ask that she respect that by not disrupting you when she stays out till all hours, etc, but honestly, you can't do much else. And, if she's still living at home, perhaps it's time for her to move out, anyway...she's almost 30 years old...

You can't do anything 'for her' because she's not a kid anymore. You've raised her, and now she's got to sink or swim on her own. Sounds like she's living the high life on your dollar at this point...so take those dollars away, and let her support herself!

***This is not a criticism, by any means, but I simply do NOT understand how a parent can allow their (well over) adult aged kids to continue to live rent free in their homes, and still continue to support them like they did before they were adults. Not me...and my kids were well aware of their responsibilities. So, if someone could ever explain this to me...***

Jeri - posted on 02/19/2014

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Thank u so much for your advice. I guess im going to have to let her figure it out on her own because I have talked and talked to her and nothing seems to help. I was think what u said about just letting her go and learn on her own. I guess I just needed it to hear it from someone else.

Shatika - posted on 02/19/2014

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DAUGHTERS.can be a hand full..she is old enough to know better..but you never know? SOME TAKE longer to grow up...so I would sit down talk with her about her .life how important it is to do the right things...and you didnt rise her like that...if she doesn't understand .then she will have to go live with the people that she is hanging with...you as the mother don't deserve the stress. Its a hard thing to do ...but have to should her you mean business....or less it will continue... godbless.

Maja - posted on 02/19/2014

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This is really tough... Do you support your daughter? Meaning, is she living with you, is she paying rent, are you paying her bills etc? A lot of times when we try to help we end up enabling the bad behavior. I don't know if there is a right or wrong way to do things. It all depends on how your daughter reacts to things. It's of course always good to try and talk things out. See if there is another issue causing her to act this way. Is she sad or bothered by something, Is depression a possibility etc. Sometimes the "tough love' approach works. Somebody I know has problems like this. This person was into drugs even as a teenager. Could never keep a job, move back to the parent's place or ask for money. Nothing changed until the parents said enough and stopped the support, or better said stopped enabling the behavior. Suddenly it was possible to have a job, pay bills and even change friends. It's amazing how things change when you have to take responsibility and face consequences. I'm not saying your daughter is like that, I'm just giving an example. Good luck! I hope things get better!

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