Peter - posted on 10/20/2014 ( 11 moms have responded )
Here's the scenario... I'm I've been a single dad for the past 7 years. My kids are now 17 and 13. Their mom is a nice person and loves her children as they love her, but she is not the "hands on" type. I love the role of a single dad, the kids are being raised well by all accounts, there is no animosity, the arrangement works for all parties involved.
A little over a year ago I moved with the kids from Florida to DC area. My ex had no objections. She keeps in touch withs the kids over Skype or text or phone. My communication with her is limited to me sending kids' pictures and updating her on news from their lives.
Since we moved, the kids went back to see their mom once. It was this summer for her wedding. My ex came to see the kids with her mom last fall and again this fall. Those were the only three occasions since the move.
Here's the conflict... My "on again, off again girlfriend" who does not live with me, but lives in the same condo community found it "unacceptable" that my ex and her mother stayed at my place for the two days and two nights they were here. I did not want to make them stay in a hotel while they were in town for several reasons. They were here for total of 40 hours. They would also need to arrange for a rental car or I'd have to drive them back and forth. This would severely disrupt their time with the kids, as short as it was. It wold probably cause resentment from both the kids and the visitors. It would not work for anyone involved, except my girlfriend. Also, letting them stay at my place and disappearing myself would not be workable without a rental car. I proposed that I rent a car for them, but this too was "unacceptable" to my girlfriend who feels I'm too easy on my ex. I don't even collect the child support from her. (There is about 10-income disparity between us, I don't need the money and it would be hardship for her. Her husband has a good income, but I don't feel it's his responsibility. Also, I thought out alimony/child support arrangement before she married was generous for me.)
My girlfriend in a text said this "I am very hurt. I never raised an issue that your ex wife is visiting the kids. I completely understand that. I asked you not to commit the whole weekend socializing and have your ex wife stay in your bedroom. Is that too much to ask? Ask anybody on the street! But you didn't care how I felt. I truly believe you did not and will not care."
After dropping my visitors off at the airport, I went to her place to listen and comfort her. It did not go well.
What should I have done?