Overreacting??

Leya - posted on 12/28/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi everyone just after some advice, my husband and I have known each other for 8 years now and we got married last year and now we have a beautiful 4 month old baby boy, but here's the thing, when I got pregnant he was nice for the first couple of months n then after that the arguing started. Believe it or not most of the time over food...( because days I couldn't get out of bed due to hypermesis gravidarum)
Anyways he used to throw words around like what an idiot or go help my sister do the dishes infront of people, mind u I was 9 months pregnant and I just cleared his sisters dinner table.. But it's like he wanted me to work non stop, any who I gave birth and within 20 mins his whole family were in my birthing room(blood and all) the day I came out of hospital again his whole family was over made a mess and fucked off, so I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned while he smoked pot after they left. He wanted to name our baby so I let him,(how nice of me) and then he asked me to cut his hair (I'm a hairdresser) but I just wasn't up to it and I fucked it up n then I broke down felt worthless, useless, I didn't want to live anymore, he was so upset he told me he loves me bought me flowers blah blah blah... But now his attitude is fucked he's back to his normal self telling me off infront of people pretty much treating me like a total enemy, even to strangers his all nice n bubbly except to me.. I feel like an outsider, like I don't feel comfortable in my own home, I've threatened to leave but he just says "go I don't care" well I don't know what to do anymore whenever I don't speak to him I'm being dry, and whenever I do talk to him I get the shut up I don't want to hear it, or how can I sleep with a screaming baby! I've turned to really hate him and I don't want my son to grow up without his dad. And apparently looking after a baby isn't work apparently his mum does more work than I do.. :"( I hate my husband but should I stick it out for my baby's sake?

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Michelle - posted on 12/31/2013

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My ex husband spent years telling me I was worthless and I needed him to support and bring up our children. I had absolutely nothing when I left but I did eventually. It has taken me many years to build my self esteem back up but I now know I am a strong woman and won't bow to his threats anymore.
He's hating it as I'm standing up for what I want in regards to the care of our children.

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Chris - posted on 12/31/2013

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You are not over reacting. What you are doing is living in an abusive situation and you’re setting your son up to become and abuser also. Look in your phone book for a woman’s Shelter and call. You need to get out of that situation and get some counseling for yourself so that you can be a great mother to your son. You may not think this is abuse because he doesn’t hit you but it is. You may have had a wonderful relationship with him for all those years, now you are married and he “owns” you. If you don’t want to leave to a shelter at least ask about some group counseling they may have. As a mother it is your job to be healthy (mind and body) to be able to raise your son to grow up healthy and happy.

Cc - posted on 12/30/2013

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If you were to leave right now (even if temporarily) do you have a place to stay? I've had issues with my relationship in the past and sometimes getting away from it has helped me put things in perspective. Just remember that you CAN do this without him. Make sure he understands that you don't need him, you want him. Or that you want the him that you married and fell in love with.
Try to remember a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt..."no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Try your best to remember what you love about yourself and if you can't think of anything, ask friends and family that know you well what are some good qualities about yourself. Don't let his negativity bring you down

Angelina - posted on 12/29/2013

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All that matters in the end is that you and your baby is happy. You cannot make your child happy unless you are happy yourself. You can't raise a baby in a home that is so negative and hostile all the time. You baby will catch on sooner than you think.

Leya - posted on 12/29/2013

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Your right... Whenever he calls me stupid or dumb or retarded I end up asking myself if there is something wrong with me.. He really depresses me I wish I could emotionally shut myself out and concentrate on my baby and not what he thinks of me.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2013

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I would be giving him an ultimatum, either buck up or get out. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

Leya - posted on 12/29/2013

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No he wasn't like this before if he was I wouldn't of married him, when I got pregnant he was happy, 3 months pregnant and I was being treated like a peice of shit until present.. He comes home after being out, spends 2 mins with his son then leaves him to go smoke weed... It's really upsetting because I don't even get to have a shower until 2am when baby is fast asleep.

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2013

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Was he like this earlier in your relationship? I only ask because you say that when you got pregnant he was nice for the first couple of months. You don't say that he was like that up until you were few months pregnant.
I agree with Jodi, even if he doesn't agree with going to couselling, you should go on your own.

Leya - posted on 12/29/2013

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I will definately look into to talking to someone as I feel like I'm getting pushed away :(

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2013

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You could approach him about it, but if he refuses, even if you go to counselling on your own, it will help you see things a little differently and may help you come to a conclusion about what to do.

Leya - posted on 12/28/2013

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I understand where your coming from and I can't take my child away from his father and I don't want to get divorced, but he treats me like shit and I also don't want my son growing up thinking that's how to treat a woman.. I'm very confused as I don't know what I want.
I have considered counseling but I know he won't go.. I just want the old him back.. He has changed into this person that if I met him now I wouldn't want to be with him. Thanks x

Jodi - posted on 12/28/2013

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I think perhaps you are confusing your relationship with him as interchangeable with your child's relationship with him. If you decide to leave your husband, your son will still have a relationship with his father, your relationship with him will just be as a co-parent not as wife. So basically, your son will not be growing up without a father unless you decide to actively try to prevent that from happening (which you shouldn't). it does not mean you can't end the relationship.

Now, having said that, you have clearly been together for a long time. I believe that you should try everything you can before you decide that the relationship is not worth pursuing. Have you considered counselling?

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