Overstepping Stepmother

Patricia - posted on 01/12/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have been reading past posts on the stepmother boundary thing. I am writing as the birth mother. While I understand a good relationship and allowing my daughter's stepmom to partake in some things, I believe there are boundaries that need to be followed. In my experience, the stepmom has overstepped her role many times and even though we all get along (now) and I am open with them when I am hurt, both the ex and his wife disregard anything I have to say or how I feel. I pick and chose my battles and actually let a lot go for the sake of my daughter. However, why do I constantly have to be the one eating crow as they say all the time? I agree social activities are fine but school matters do hold a fine line. Crossing over boundaries are going to happen and if she crossed over them unknowingly, then so be it. However, she does know after many conversations and still chooses to act like she is the bio mom. What can I do? Latest stint had me in tears. She signed up as a chaperone for daughter's field trip without checking with me first. In doing so, she blocked me out of a spot to go even though my daughter specifically asked me to go. That is a cherished bonding moment/ memory she is taking away from me, her mother. Even after trying to talk to them, they will not respond.

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Sarah - posted on 01/13/2013

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If you think that judge is doing favors for the stepmother then you need to appeal. But you need proof in some way. Record your ex with the threats that's he making as well.

Patricia - posted on 01/13/2013

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Thanks ladies. To answer some background questions, our custody is 50/50 but I personally do not feel that is in the best interest of my daughter but as always, the courts decided with him and he got what he wanted even though we live about 40 miles apart. I had not one but two really reputable family attorneys with good records. However, once I was assigned this one judge down in DE Family Court, I have lost every time which amazes me since his attorney isn't even a family law attorney. His lawyer is mostly real estate and only has him because he is his stepmother's attorney. That being said, I believe something is not right with that judge and think there is something illegal going on between ex's attorney and this judge. But, I can't prove it. Just a very strong gut feeling. And I have no more money to take that on. So, to answer why would I allow my daughter's stepmother to do what she is doing? Well, I actually don't. I just pick and chose because in the past, my ex has always threaten me that if I do not comply, there will be legal action against me. Which is absurd since I am a good mom who is always involved in my daughter's life. But, I still have fear and that might be because I never get court on my side. This judge has insinuated in the past that stepparents are just as important if they have close relationship with the child. And again, I am glad that she does treat my daughter well but I feel just because she said "I do" to my daughter's father, it doesn't mean she gets equal take on my daughter. This is something I can't get through my ex's dense brain. So yes, I am planning to march down to that school and try to make sure they understand the boundaries. But I know something else will come up and without money and not having court on my side, what can I set up in the future? Oh, one more thing... She and my ex just had a baby which is about 1 1/2 months old. She is willing to leave her baby in order to go on this class trip with my daughter. Who does that? When my daughter was born, you couldn't pay me enough to leave her side. She was and still is my everything.

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

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your daughter should be able to say who she wants to go with her also...

Patricia Ann - posted on 01/12/2013

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I would make a trip to see her father and get to the bottom of why is this woman doing this,and why are you letting her do this? I would get down to the school and see what is going on here.....

Sarah - posted on 01/12/2013

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Who has custody? If it is you. Sorry to be so blunt, but you are that little girl's mother. Screw that stepmother. You have say of who can interact with your daughter and if she is crossing the line. Especially school related stuff. If she is NOT on the emergency contact or a list of people you allow your daughter to be picked up by then there is legal trouble there. But if she is doing stuff that you don't like then do not worry about that stepmother's feeling. You told her apparently to step off and she is pretty much giving you middle finger. So you can take action in this. Do not let her run over you. You are the mother of that girl. She is not.

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