Overwhelmed working mom in desperate need of advice!

DJ - posted on 10/16/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




I'm an accountant, and tax season is upon me (our fiscal year ends 9/30) so I work longer hours than normal. I'm up at 5AM so I can take my dog out, make lunches, do a load of laundry, get the kids up, get their clothes ready, get myself ready, drop my son off, drive to work, work all day, go home, cook dinner, clean up, give baths, read stories, put kids to bed, and hopefully attempt at getting at least 6 hours of sleep a night. My husband is a wonderful man, and a good person and helps out.... IF I ask. Why do I have to ask? When I'm falling apart at the seams, why can't he see I need help? I'm also the primary bread-winner and carry the health insurance, so this job is very important to us. I don't have a choice but to work long/difficult hours, so I can be successful. I don't know how to give myself a break. I'm REALLY bad at asking for help and REALLY bad at taking time for myself. I feel guilty spending money on myself, I feel guilty being away from the kids. I'm stressed all the time, and there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done.


Cecilia - posted on 10/16/2013




Okay I read your list of things to do and thought which ones are needed to be taken over to help you the most. I would suggest you ask him to take over the kids after dinner time. This means bath, and storytime are his. While he is doing this you can make lunches if you choose, and get the next days clothes together. Will also let you get to bed a little earlier maybe.

As far as why do we have to ask? I've yet to figure out that one too. You'll just have to get better at asking when you need help. I do know the feeling. You're drowning and not yelling for help seems a little silly doesn't it? Just say it, say "I feel really overwhelmed and I wanted to know if you could help by ______, I would really appreciate it"

[deleted account]

Hi DJ,

Oh, I am so there with you!

In my experience, the Y chromosome carries with it a Housework Blindness gene. Even having to step over a mess, the Y chromosome is unable to identify it as being a mess that they could pick up. Even if the dishwasher is empty ready to be filled, they do not possess the ability to open it to place their dishes within. Even if it reeks to high heaven, they do not know that they can resolve the stench by removing the object from the house and placing it within the outside bin. They see dust and dirt as being "natural" and therefore cannot understand the need to remove it from the abode. And, most baffling of all, if they do washing, they will somehow manage to only wash their clothes - and will blink at you in confusion and say "I was too scared to wash yours because I didn't know what to do with them," and truly believe that to be an acceptable excuse because asking you never occurs to them.

One of the real problems with this gene is that it sets traps for the XX chromosones - "Tell me what you need done" he says, but "Don't nag me". There's a magical equation there somewhere which the Y's use to calculate when "Tell me" becomes "Nag me" but they don't deign to share it with us XX's.

I attachment parent my two year old, I work three days as week as an analyst in the insurance industry, I'm writing my second book (self published but still), we have a veritable zoo - 2 dogs, a cat, 3 chickens, goldfish - and my husband works a LOT of hours (although at the moment, I'm the main wage earner) so I am the zoo keeper, the home-accountant, grocery shopper, primary child-carer, house-keeper, plus I suffer from chronic idiopathic neutropenia (basically if there's a bug going around I'll inevitably catch it)...

Sometimes I feel like I need to clone myself a dozen times to get everything done.

And, being a human being, I need to rest and play, and have some alone time.

I hired a cleaner.

One day a week for 2 hours, she comes through and does my bathrooms and my floors. It would take me twice that to get it done, if I did, around my two year old. I have to be organised and pick up during the week, and more thoroughly just before the cleaner comes through, but it means that my house never totally disintegrates into uninhabitable and I'm never embarrassed if someone "drops by" unexpectedly.

I still feel like I need to clone myself, but it has at least alleviated the pressure at little. I use the two hours whilst she's in my house to go shopping, or to the park with my daughter, or visiting family.

As for the hubby situation. I'm still working on that. I think the XX's have been working on that since we occupied caves, so I'm not holding out much hope :-(

Wishing you luck!


View replies by

Michelle - posted on 10/16/2013




You need to tell your husband that he has to help out more. Most men are hopeless at seeing things unless it's pointed out to them.
Why can't he take the dog for a walk or even make the lunches?
My husband does all the laundry in this house. I cook dinner but he cleans up. We take it in turns to bath our youngest.
By running yourself into the ground you aren't doing your family any favours! All you will do is burn yourself out and could possibly lose your job. Get your husband to take some of the load. A marriage is a partnership and that means in every way. It includes the day to day running of the house as well as earning the money.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms