Sarah - posted on 02/05/2016 ( no moms have responded yet )
I am currently living in pittsburgh pa. My father recently came back into mine and my daughters life at the very end of November 2015. I didn't seek him out, we had a really bad fall out towards the end of the my pregnancy back in 2014. Let me give you a timeline...the last time I physically saw my father was April 2014 the weekend before my wedding...he showed up at my wedding in jeans and a t shirt..he claims that I didn't tell him I was wearing a wedding dress but I have a text that proves him wrong, the day of my wedding he up and left. I texted him happy fathers day 2014 to make a long story short he basically said he wasn't going to be in my life any longer. Very pregnant at this point I wasn't going to argue with him or chase after him if he didn't want to be in my life. I certainly didn't need the stress. For most of my pregnancy it was nothing but arguing and rude texts. He would even bring up my parents divorce of twenty some years ago. Both parties are remarried. After the fathers day text, the official last time I heard from him was in December 2014, when my grandma was very ill with cancer. He basically was demanding that I take my daughter down to see her. At this point I wasn't talking to any of my fathers side of the family. I never had a relationship with them beyond seeing that at holidays. No one ever reached out to me, I always felt like a one way street to them. But when I did get the text from him demanding I take my new born down to see her, this was literally about two days after he beat my uncle up. He beat him up so badly that the doctors had to postpon his back surgery. Something told me to stay away, so I did. When my grandma passed I found out on social media. My one uncle told me that it would be in my best interest to not go to the funeral. So I didn't. I wasn't sure if my father would want me there. I do feel badly about not going, I definitely would have if the circumstances were better. My husband advised me not to go either, he didn't think it was a good idea. I never heard from my father until November 2015. Even though he claims otherwise. He states he sent me texts after my grandma died wanting to get to know his granddaughter...which I never received. I did change cell phone providers last summer 2015 around July. He states that this was before hand. I did keep my old cell phone but I never received any texts from him since december 2014.
November 2014 my daughter and I woke up from a nap, she was playing in the living room and I was sitting on the couch. My father shows up out of no where, I panic...I was so nervous/scared because I was unsure of what frame of mind he may have been. I took my daughter downstairs in the game room so she could play and he wouldn't hear her. I called my husband who was out at the time and told him what was going on and he said what the F is he doing there. And he rushed over. At this point I haven't seen my father since april 2014. He has not meant my daughter and she was15 months old. He knocked for no longer than 10 minutes. then left a note...saying he is not sure what he did to get me out of his life etc...basically playing the victim. I never responded...I didn't want the confusion in my life anymore...I was scared.
About a week to two weeks later around 8 -9 pm my family and I were heading out and my father shows up out of nowhere. Confronts me. I was so nervous, I felt as if I was a little girl not allowed to give actually voice my opinion and give into what he wants. I felt as if it was easier to give in instead of telling him to leave me alone. We all eventually met up for dinner and decided to leave the past in the past and move on. He sounded convincing...caring...etc. I honestly didn't want to but I felt as if I didn't have a choice. I was afraid of what would may happen if I said no. I know it sounds juvenile or possibly confusing.
Over the course of december 2015 my father was back in my life. I felt like for the first time I actually had a father that was on my side. We talked about some issues we had in the past and I told him how I never felt good enough for him. How my physical appearance seemed to be an embarrassment for him...etc. It was years of torture about my weight. His mom would tell me I was obese...told me I was insecure...i had a lazy eye etc..my father was never around for that but I am sure would would give her the excuse "she didn't mean to hurt your feelings thats not what she was trying to do...she didn't mean it like that...I took it the wrong way etc.
Let me cut to the chase...
The last time he saw my daughter was like 2 days before new years when my husband and I brought her to children hospital. Her and I had colds, and hers seemed to have turned worse overnight. Her pediatrician told us to take her straight to the hospital just in case it was pneumonia. My father showed up even thought I told him I would give him updates..I believe he said he was in the area. She turned out to be fine!
the weekend of new years we were still sick. The second week of january I went to dinner with a friend of mine and the fish tacos didn't agree with my stomach so I had to cancel my putting with my fathers wife. then as crazy as this may sound the following week I ended up with a really bad stomach flu...I was sick as a horse...my daughter got it a bit but nothing like how I had it. Days after it...I didn't have much of an appetite and my stomach was getting sick when I ate. It lasted about a week.
When the shit his the fan...a week after the stomach flu we ended up with a snow storm..my father wanted me to take my daughter out later on in the evening to visit him. He lived 45 minutes away in good weather...I declined I didn't want to chance anything. He asked what I was doing on sunday and I said that I was really busy I had a ton of errands to run. I offered that we meet up for dinner that week but he said he wants my daughter to get to know him and going to dinner won't help that. I then said well why do my husband and I with our daughter come out friday. He never responded. He then told me that a cousin of mine verbally invited told my dad that I was invited to their daughters baptism. I responded and told my dad that I would let him know if we would go.
The next day he texts me saying "I would really appreciate you going to the baptism it would mean a lot to me. You manage to make it out to everyone elses stuff and I expect you to go to my families." It just rubbed me the wrong way. I told him that "i am not going to cause bs, but I don't feel comfortable going and that I am not going. I said in the two years that we didn't talk I haven't heard from anyone from you family unless they were sending me a nasty gram." He argued with me for 2 days over this.
Unfortunately , at the beginning of January my husband and I separated. He started smoking weed and that is not a life that I am accustom to and I don't want it in my daughters life. I haven't lived with my husband for a long while because he was in rehab last year. When he got out I needed to trust him again and get us back on track. So my daughter and I never moved into his apartment with him. I have been living with my mom for 3 years. When we separated I really felt like I was being supported by my father..life for one in my life he was on my side. He was being a father...I felt he cared about me not matter what I looked like. I felt like I could confide in him.
During those two days we argued about the baptism and how I didn't feel comfortable, my father did something to me that I would have never done to my child. He called my husband and talked his ear off for an hour about everything we spoke about. My husband called me questioning if were were divorcing etc. I texted my father and called him out on it. I basically said ti wasn't his place to call my husband and tell him what we spoke about in private...what we were arguing about had nothing to do with my husband ...i would never meddle in his marriage. I said that I thought I could trust you but it is obvious that i couldn't. and to leave me alone not to contact me. I blocked him because I couldn't take it anymore it was days on bullshit. I would wake up to like 7 texts from him
He told my husband later that night that he was going to go after me for grandparents rights. The next day he then told my husband that he wasn't going to because ti was to expensive, Then about two hours later he said that he was going to go file a court petition they will make us do counciling together and then they will figure out what is best for sophia. I don't have anything to hide, but I am a nervous wreck. I don't have the money for an attorney. I told my husband this has nothing to do with love it is about control. I took it away from him. During the course of December 2015 he kept making requests that I make up with this family member...do this...do that. I mean he was gone out of my life for almost two years....he has only my daughter a handful of times.
If this goes to court...his one brother said he would go to court for me, because my father apparently is allowed near his kids or to even talk to them. Which I didn't know. I recently just found out. I don't think it is anything like a pfa...but a court order of some sort. There are a bunch of details that are missing here...I saved the old phone...the letter he sent my mom calling her an evil bitch etc. I kept everything for this reason.
He has only been in my daughters life for 4 weeks from the last time he saw her at the hospital.
I don't want him around me or my daughter he can't be trusted. I wish I could turn back time and tell him no leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with you . I deserve better and so does my daughter.
I am sorry this is such LONG LONG post. Please pray for us!