Paci and Lazy Parenting?

Katt - posted on 09/04/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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I recently cam across a post about mothers who let their children have a paci are lazy. I took extreme offence to this as I let my 19month old have a paci for sleep (Nap & Bed time) I do not have the time to rock her to sleep not only do I have but but I think it's important for them to learn to self sooth (weather that be using a paci, blankie, thumb w.e) and I do not co-sleep because I do not want her to be 4-5 and still sleep in bed with mommy and daddy. I personaly do not care how long she has it to sleep, I don't let her have it 24/7 so I am not worried about her teeth or jaw being effected. Anyone else who agrees or maybe even disagrees with this?

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Renae - posted on 09/04/2010

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I completely agree with you. I dont just agree about the paci, but about most things that mums get worked up over.

I dont care how long a baby has a bottle for (especially if they need it before bed), has a paci to sleep, only sleeps in a superman costume, co-sleeps, or whatever else people have a problem with.

Every child is different. Every situation is different. Some mums will say "but the doctors say...". For example, doctors say to take baby off the bottle at 12 months, yes they do, but do you know WHY they say that?? Its because about 10 years ago it was found that some mothers were continuing to give toddlers formula all day long, out of laziness because its easy, knowing that it has all the nutrition toddlers need, and were not giving the baby a proper diet of solid food. So to force lazy mums to feed babies a solid diet, they said that babies should not have formula and therefore do not need a bottle after 12 months. But like most directives released by the health department, who have to release one piece of advice to cover everyone, that directive is not applicable to me, because I do feed my baby properly. Your situation is similar, doctors say to take the paci away by 12 months, because they are worried about babies who have it in their mouth ALL the time, not about babies like yours who only have it to sleep.

I dont like putting set ages on anything. People worry that their kids wont grow out of something on their own. Yes they will! In fact they will grow out of everything eventually because they will grow out of being kids. If it wont matter in 20 years, it doesn't matter now. :)

Johnny - posted on 09/06/2010

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I personally choose to stay away from paci's because I need my baby to do a lot of nursing to establish my milk supply. I struggle with low supply issues. So I would not personally use one. But it is really silly to say that it is necessarily 'lazy parenting'. There are no parenting 'techniques' that are necessarily specifically about being lazy or being a hardworking parent. Each parent and each child are so unique that a different combination of techniques should be attempted depending on what works best for each parent-child pair. Some parents may choose to allow their child to use a pacifier or extended nurse or use a bottle sling or co-sleep for reasons that are indeed lazy. Because they don't want to make any effort. But other parents may use those exact same things/techniques for sound reasons that have to do with their parenting situation and their child's specific needs.

I learned this lesson the hard way. I used to think that any parent who wouldn't hold their child while nursing or bottlefeeding was lazy and unconnected with their baby. Then I met a mother at baby group who rarely held her child, who used a sling to prop the bottle (of pumped milk) for her baby, and claimed to only nurse while side lying at night. How disconnected and lazy! Right? Wrong, she had developed severe carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists during pregnancy and it was unbearably painful for her to even pick her child up. She was waiting for surgery.

It is just idiotic and silly to make judgments about people's parenting choices before the whole story is laid out.

I also find it funny how the OP is sooo offended by someone calling people using pacifiers lazy and then turns around and insults people who co-sleep. Umm....? Duh!

[deleted account]

My girls were very 'mouthy' babies. They didn't care WHAT was in their mouths as long as something was in there. I have a pic of one of them at under a day old sucking her thumb that she had found completely on her own. They were 'binky babies' cuz I couldn't be their pacifier and I didn't want thumbsuckers. We always had limits on pacifier use and finally took them completely away about 3 weeks before the girls turned 2. It certainly had no ill effect on their teeth or speech development and was much safer than many, many other objects that they could've and would've put in their mouths if not for the binky.

My son wouldn't take a binky. He preferred me (still does, actually). He's never sucked his thumb and by a year or less was much less 'mouthier' than his sisters STILL were.... and they're 6 years older than him.

SOME parents that use a pacifier are lazy, but many, many more are not. :)

Bridget - posted on 09/04/2010

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What people are unaware of is that thumb sucking or paci sucking for that matter does not cause dental issues until permanent teeth come in! This is why they say bubs should not suck (thumb or paci) past 5 year of age because some start to get permanent teeth between 6 and 8 years of age (obviously some earlier). My bub is a thumb sucker and I am more than happy for him to continue with it until he is ready to stop (most babies stop between the age of 2 and 5). Sucking is the most primal instinct bubs have so it is a method of SELF soothing - the motion that is is doesn't matter what they are sucking). It is not lazy to give a baby a paci when they are going for naps or to sleep but I agree with Kalina that to give them a paci all day as a means of comfort rather than being there for them is a little lazy! As we all know all babies develop at their own rate and some are happy to give up their sucking habit earlier than others and some bubs take a little longer and need some more encouragement etc.

Sherri - posted on 09/04/2010

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I agree that a lot of babies need them as newborns but I never allowed them to have them past 4 mo's. I never wanted them to have an attachment and have to wean them off them. I will say my pediatrician said pacifiers needed to be gone by 18mo's because it starts to affect there teeth negatively.



P.S. none of my kids have ever sucked there thumbs either.

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Crystal - posted on 04/25/2011

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I agree with you i think it's unfair for them to call us lazy just because we let our kids have a binky oir blanky i see nothing wrong with it there kids let them be kids my oldest had her pacifier until she was 3 after 18 months it was only nap and bed time or when she was not feeling well and her teeth are fine her Dr and dentist said it was fine and that binky's will not affect there teeth until after age 4 i think if other parents dont like who cares it's not there kids

[deleted account]

I think lazy parents can mis-use pacifiers, but not all parents that use pacifiers are lazy.

If your toddler has the pacifier all day, and you use it as a plug whenever the kid cries, sure that's lazy.

If you use it to help your little one get a good night's sleep and take precautions to be sure it's not affecting his teeth and encourage your toddler to let it go, that is not lazy parenting.

Kathy - posted on 09/30/2010

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I talked to our doctor at my daughters 1 year check up and she said that she recommends having it gone by 18 months, but as is we only use it at bed time, nap time and in the car (cause she usually sleeps) and it does help if she hurts herself or is cranky. Other than the car the only place she gets it is at daycare, and I've told them ONLY at naptime, now if they listen or not to that I have no idea.

Courtney - posted on 09/29/2010

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My son had a pacifier at bed and nap times or if he was just ticked off. With my son it was really hard to set a schedule cause he would rather be awake even though he would be cranky later on. Using the pacifier helped me establish a routine around the house, he knows when it's nap time. The pediatrician at his 9 month well check said to take the pacifier away; "it'll be easier now than later," but that's not really medical advice but a personal opinion. So, I stuck to my original plan and a couple of days after his first birthday, I hid all the pacifiers and he's fine. He even found one that I had forgotten about...he looked at it for three seconds and moved on. I think good things can be used to benefit lazy parents all the time ie. baby swings, toys, pacifiers, bouncy seats.etc. Let's not knock useful things just cause lazy parents might abuse it.

[deleted account]

I don't think it's fair to say that giving a paci is lazyness at all. I can understand that some lazy people might missuse them and it has made my blood boil whenever I've seen it happen, but the majority of responsible parents are doing nothing worng by giving their child a paci. I don't know why people get so excited about harmless parenting choices like this.

Katt - posted on 09/07/2010

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No, Lyndsay It wasn't you. This was actually on a different site completely lol The way you describe your niece I agree that can be lazy but using it for just sleeping is not lazy and thats what this other girl was saying.

Lyndsay - posted on 09/07/2010

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I'm pretty sure I contributed to the post you're talking about. In my opinion, from my own experience, I think it's lazy parenting. My sister has an 18 month old daughter who CONSTANTLY has her soother hanging off her face. When I'm around I will take it out and tell her she doesn't need it, but the moment she makes a peep or indicates she wants it, it goes back in her mouth. To me, walking/talking toddlers look ridiculous with pacifiers and the only reason for it is that the parents don't want to deal with a day or two of crying and would rather shut their kids up that way.

[deleted account]

lol - my daughter still uses her dummy for sleep and to chew on when her teeth are bothering her (also 19 months). It works so I really couldnt care less what others think as her happiness is my priority not theirs. If it works and it isnt hurting anyone then why worry abouth the judgement of others who hold no influence in your life (or even those that do really)?

[deleted account]

i think some people feel quite strongly about this, and there is no real reason not to give your baby a pacifier. every dentist will tell you something different, depending on their stand in regards to tooth/jaw problems. as i have said before, if it makes them feel better and isn't harming, then let them have it. to hell with what everyone thinks, its YOUR baby. your decision.

Jennice - posted on 09/07/2010

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I agree to a certain extent. I just took the paci away from my daughter a month ago and sometime I regret it becuase she whines at every little thing.I only took it from her becuase she used it way too much and I was becoming increasingly concerned about her teeth and jaw as was her doctor.

Erin - posted on 09/07/2010

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Regardless of what people say about binkies or co sleeping or ANYTHING.... no one is right but what you think is right for your own child

Courtney - posted on 09/06/2010

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we let our son have a paci for a year, and it did become too easy. he's screaming give him a pacifier. we took it away shortly after his first birthday, and there is more to deal with, and he's fine. my issue comes when the kid is 3, 4, 5, 6. because i've seen plenty of parents who couldn't imagine taken the paci out of the picture and kindergartners are going to school with pacifiers. That's not good!

Katt - posted on 09/06/2010

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No, I wasn't judging someone who co-sleeps. I was saying I don't want to because I'm affraid and know very well my daughter would be in bed with me until she is 4 or something. I actually use to co-sleep, but stopped because it was getting to the point she wouldn't even nap without me and I was unable to get anything done because as soon as i'd get up, she would wake up.



So I was in NO way saying co-sleeping is a bad thing. If you don't care to have your kids in bed with you every night until they're 4.5.6 whatever than go for it. I personally do not want that.



I also was unable to breast feed. I tried for 2 weeks with pumping and the feedings I just never ever produced more than an ounce and she was taking 2-3 ounces by 2 weeks. As bad as I wanted to I couldn't and i'm VERY disappointed I couldn't and with that being said, we did not start with the paci until after we decided to bottle feed. She never loved the bottle that much and weaned herself at 10 months and has used a sippy cup since. I do plan on enforcing the use of a cup soon though.



As I said before. She has it ONLY for sleeping and occasionally in the car. I tend to my child when she falls, is upset and don't just ram it in her mouth instead of figuring out whats wrong.

Tracy - posted on 09/06/2010

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That sounds a bit rude and judgemental. My girl used one for quite some time, although I did try to break her of it by her first birthday. My boy never liked one. Her father made it difficult to get rid of since it was/is just easier for him to give in to her whims than tough out a hissy fit. I did succeed in getting rid of the silly thing by her 3rd birthday though. So, in her father's case, yes it is lazy, indulgent parenting. But she was started on it because she needed the extra soothing as an infant, and still longer with the turmoil of divorce. Once that settled, she needed to be broken of it. If her father was in charge, she'd be going on her 4th birthday with it still.

Sherri - posted on 09/06/2010

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I guess I just have a different philosophy on parenting then most. Bottles, binkies/paci's are made and designed for babies as of 12mo's (although I had all binkies gone by 4mo's) I think they are no longer babies but are now toddlers. So in my eyes I most certainly want my children to be big boys, not babies so I start treating them as such.
Co-sleeping Never it is dangerous and detrimental to the children and relationships with significant others IMO. (Not looking for a bashing on this one just my opinion)
Sippy cups I feel are also overused they were intended to start to teach children how to use a real cup. They were not intended for 4,5,6's yr olds. All sippy cups gone by 2 yrs IMO
Diapers also gone before they are 3.

[deleted account]

I don't think parents who give their child a pacifier are "lazy". I had to stop breastfeeding when Logan was 6 days old as my milk hadn't come in and we had no time to try medication to start the supply as he had by that point been admitted into the neonatal unit with severe jaundice and dehydration. So for comfort sucking the only thing I could offer was a pacifier. Co-sleeping and rocking a baby to me was something I never wanted to do or did.

I want Logan off his bottles by 1 year old and dummy by 18months at the latest, but to me what everyone else does is their business!

Sylvia - posted on 09/06/2010

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I don't think it's that simple.

I wouldn't (and didn't) use a pacifier -- that's what I have breasts for. I enjoyed co-sleeping, and I don't see anything wrong with a 4 or 5 year old sleeping with mummy and daddy if everyone involved is OK with it. I don't think babies need to learn to "self-soothe", I think they need to learn to trust their parents to be there for them at night as well as during the day. I think time spent rocking a baby or toddler to sleep is time well spent, and I would rather neglect the housework than rush bedtime.

But different people have different comfort levels. Lots of mums have to go back to work after only a few months. A very small percentage are unable to breastfeed. Some babies need to suck more than others. If you have older kids, you can't always spend as much time putting the baby to bed as you'd like to. Every family has to make its own decisions.

I do think a pacifier can be overdone. If every time the baby cries you give him a pacifier instead of picking him up and trying to figure out what he needs from you, that's lazy parenting. (Sadly, I am not making this up.) But using a pacifier sometimes doesn't automatically make you lazy.

Katt - posted on 09/06/2010

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The original post was a question -Does your child have a Paci?- The girl came on and said "No, she doesn't I refuse to let her have one because I think it's being a Lazy Parent and taking the easy way out".



My daughter is 19 months and can speak 2-4 word sentences. I do not let her walk around with it in her mouth 24/7 only for sleeping and occasionaly in the car..more for my sanity than for her as she just screams the whole time were in the car and I cannot concentrate properly on driving while she is throwing a fit. I am not a lazy parent. My house is clean ALL the time, she is bathed, fed proper home cooked food every meal, we play read books, she is very smart. Is close to being fully potty trained. So in my eyes I am not lazy. Just because I couldn't breast feed to sooth her and I never agreed to giving her a bottle to bed, and definitely couldn't handle rocking her for an hour straight to sleep (as she has always been a bigger baby) not only that but she wouldn't ever let me or because I don't want her in my bed every night it doesn't make me lazy and it sure doesn't make me "lazy" because I don't think I should take it away until she is ready.



I never judge someone on there methods of parenting unless there obviously putting their kid in danger. Like letting them play in the cleaning product cupboard (Which I have seen sadly) I don't care whoes kid has a paci or is a thumb sucker. Every child is different and likes different things. I think its VERY rude to call a parent lazy based on one thing. I'm so glad there are moms out there who agree with this. I really appreciate everyones feed back :)

User - posted on 09/06/2010

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I agree that it depends on the intent of why you are giving it to the child. My son was 14 months when I left for 6 months for work. Having a paci helped as a soother. Now he is 2 and only uses it for bedtime. We're getting close to getting him off it only because he starts screaming at night if he wakes up and can't find it.

Melanie - posted on 09/05/2010

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i totally agree!!
my son (now 10) had a dummy till he was 3& half (never allowed to speak with it in tho)
my daughter (now 5) totally refused to take a dummy
new bub (5mths) has 1 & will give it up when she is ready!
i will never force a child to get rid of their dummy before they're ready (my brother did with his daughter & now has an 11y/o who still sucks her thumb!!)

Jennifer - posted on 09/05/2010

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first, we should keep in mind that we don't know the context of the original post.

i'm going to try and play devil's advocate here, so here goes...
one could argue that giving a paci is lazy parenting because traditionally, moms breast is supposed to be used as pacifier when baby needs soothing. this helps establish a good milk supply, but it also keeps mom and baby closely in tune. giving an inanimate object to a baby to use for soothing makes mom a little more detached from her child.

my son uses a paci, and i by no means consider myself to be a lazy mother. like i said, i'm just playing devil's advocate :)

Kathy - posted on 09/05/2010

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I definitely do NOT think that a soother is lazy. My daughter is almost 1 and she uses one, I also agree that its up to mom to decide when the baby is ready to give it up. I won't be taking hers away at a year, maybe giving it less, but as is she mostly only uses it at bed time, nap time and in the car. And we choose not to co-sleep for the same reasons... I have a cousin who's got 2 kids, one is a 7 year old that still sleep with them because they choose to co-sleep when they were little and now have problems getting them to sleep in their own beds, even though I've seen some co-sleeping moms that deny that this happens, might not for all, but I'm not taking that chance.

Andrea - posted on 09/05/2010

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I don't think parents that give their babies pacifiers are lazy, however, after a certain age (12 months) I think it's time for the child to give it up. Self soothing doesn't involve a pacifier in my mind. There is a boy (18 months old) in my son's daycare class that cannot talk and just points and grunts at things...why? Because he always has a paci hanging out of his mouth.
My son also had to have a paci at birth to teach him to use his sucking reflex. After he got out of the hospital at 5 weeks old he didn't want it anymore.

Jennifer - posted on 09/04/2010

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Breaking a child of a pacifier is much easier than breaking them of thumb sucking. None of my children suck their thumb. Dear friends of mine of children that are 7 & 6 who both still suck their thumb. Neither child would take a pacifier. So, given the choice I would prefer the child take a pacifier. Thumb sucking can cause just as many problems with their teeth as sucking on a pacifier for too long.

Jodi - posted on 09/04/2010

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Actually, the nurses in the hospital insisted I give my daughter a paci because she needed to develop her sucking reflex. She was so little when she was born that she had to be tube fed, as breastfeeding exhausted her. A paci helped develop the reflex and strengthen the muscles needed to feed. So I totally disagree mothers who give their kids a pacifier are lazy.

I also allowed her to continue at nap and bedtimes, because it was a comfort to her. It's not a big deal. Both my kids had theirs until they were about 3, and neither of them have teeth or jaw problems, or speech problems (they are now 13 and 5). Those things really only happen if you let them have them all the time.

Amanda - posted on 09/04/2010

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I find it offensive that you think co sleeping children sleep with their parents until 4-5 years of age. I also giggle whenever I read someone who uses the words SELF soothe in the same sentence as paci, blankie, or thumb. :0) But to each their own.

Kelina - posted on 09/04/2010

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I would have loved my son to take a soother but he simply wouldn't. Granted we waited till he was about 4 months. I don't think that every parent who gives their child a paci is lazy, I think the ones who give it to them all day long so they don't have to deal with their children are lazy. My back couldn't handle rocking my son and he wouldn't let me anyways, so he had to learn to self soothe and now he has his special blankie for bedtime. He knows that when he gets up his blankie gets left in his bed and he gets it when he goes back down. It's worked great for us and I never ahd to worry about breaking him of the soother habit!

Diane - posted on 09/04/2010

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no aslong as there completley off of it by 2-3, i took my son of it before he was 2 becuase i think it looks silly in there mouth when there about 2 when they can talk..my opinion

Jennifer - posted on 09/04/2010

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I do not believe parents who allow their children to use pacifiers are lazy. I do believe there is a time when it needs to be taken away. Each parent needs to determine when that is. My oldest daughter gave up her pacifier a week before her first birthday. My youngest daughter refused the pacifier. My infant son loves his pacifier. I would like to hope that at a year he will be ready to give up his pacifier at that time.

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