Melissa - posted on 04/23/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )
I admit, there has been moments, even as long as days where I was wondering how in Gods name my life ended up in a place where I was 70 pounds heavier with baby weight, *although I am down to the last 8 now!* and my tits no longer held any elasticity and I could probably lean into my stove top and fry them up as pancakes (as they are now looking that flat and seem to have no use anymore to anyone, including myself!!) and how in forsaken name did I end up leaving my house for the day without noticing I had snot stains *from my Little one all over my shirt, and yet still attempt at holding a mature conversations with adults with this, especially in the professional world and even worse, those who have never had a kid.
From the fresh faced, make up on, banging heels that accentuated my strong legs and shapely figure............................
How did I get here?
There are moments where on the occasional day when I am in midst of the coffee brewing, my fridge door open as I am seeking the breakfast for champions (That would be me!) Only to have my Little One clinging on my leg so much that my pajamas are yanked halfway down my bare bum. My coffee being brewed ages ago by now is already forgotten and the coffee maker turned off because I was so busy accommodating the Little One that I forgot to drink my coffee and forgot to make my Breakfast of Champions.
Or dare I now look into my very boring underwear drawer wear most of the underwear now is cotton and hanes, and still if you look in the back of the drawer you will find my lace and thongs and bootie cut underwear in all colors, red, purple, black.... HOT PINK! They are not there because I wear them, since I lost count on how long since I had sex .... I stopped counting, after a year! .... but I keep the underwear to seceretly remind myself that I once upon a time, lived a little!! or ALOT, and hey, maybe one day I might get a reason and chance to put on the HOT PINK lace ones on again..............Considering I am a single mom, I doubt it can happen since I barely have the energy to even go on a coffee date because the whole time I do, I would probably thinking about how nice it would be to be in my BED reading my jodi Piccoult book and if I wasn't thinking about going to bed, I would be secretly calculating how much this is costing my in baby sitting money and praying my daughter sleeps through the night when I get home!!
From the self absorbed, self centered party girl to the woman who makes so many sacrifices today for the sake of another, that I don't even notice any more because its become part of my characteristics of who I am
There are days when I catch myself dreaming of my future financial goals as I struggle in school with a career change that makes much more $$, these dreams and goals I barely believed I could accomplish until of course I met my Little One.
I actually go online and visit sites that offer cars for sale because although I don't have a license yet, I can envision all of the possibilities that the future has to hold. This go-getter that has become me is because I have a beautiful daughter who unknowingly pushes me to be better of a person, stronger of a woman, than I ever even knew was possible.
The love of my life has brown eyes, curly shaggy hair, very sharp teeth and a big Buddha belly, she also has the most beautiful sounding laugh, and the most saddest sounding cry. She is a total of.... 27 pounds and she can barely make a logical conversation with me but she does speak really well through her eyes, and I must admit, because she is the love of my life, I am usually always able to know what she is telling me.
The love of my life slaps me in the face and thinks its funny, and she bites me when she gets really excited and sometimes out of the blue she comes up from no where and just kisses me on the lips and walks away............... Those are the days I realize that I have never had a sweeter kiss in life.
So as exhausting as my love of my life is, and as exhausting as it is to maintain this relationship, I also realize this is the most important blessed relationship I have been honored to experience.
The love of my life doesn't even know my first name, because she is the only one who can get away with calling me "mom"