Parent Alienation or passive aggressive

Sam - posted on 04/19/2014 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Per court orders my 7 years old son and I we are seeing
Child and family therapist. We had appointment today
At eleven when I arrived I saw my son and my ex-waiting
Outside as soon my ex-wife saw me she took him inside the building
Walking away my son wanted to come to me and hug me she try to
Stop him but he left her and came to me hugging me , she got upset
And start counting 1-2-3 once she count 3 and he does not obey her
She will punish him, but he ignores her threat. Once my son and
I seen the therapist we told her what she did. She mad at me because
I filled police report on her and she got charge with criminal charges
For spanking, him and I have filled 18 other contempt charges
My son was telling the therapist he wants to speak to the judge
About the custody and she told him that he could not.
She is trying to stop him from show his affection to me and
Punishing for doing so and not obeying her wishes

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Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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What on EARTH have you filed 18 contempt charges for? That could almost be considered harassment. And is spanking illegal where you live?

However, having said that, if she is punishing him for running and hugging you, then there seem to be some real issues here. Unfortunately, your son is only 7, so it is unlikely he will get to talk to a judge at all. Do you have court ordered visitation at all? Why are you all court ordered to see a therapist? i think there is a lot you aren't telling us here that would be helpful in giving any advice.

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[deleted account]

Imo it seems as though you are playing the victim. However, I wish you, your son, and your ex good luck with getting all this resolved.

Sam - posted on 04/21/2014

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Funny; because if child does not want to go to his dad "his father must be doing something to him" then if the child wants his dad " the dad coaxing him"
I guess you can never win . Let me ask you this how I can be so effective with him
and I have only 1/20 time ? if I am so effective then don't you think he is better to be
with parent that he listen to ? or maybe I know how to treat him better and build a respect and trust and all she does hitting him and controlling him
Again you are playing the victim game (I am coaxing him against her )
and how I am doing that by hugging him ?

Jodi - posted on 04/21/2014

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Hang in there Sam. I know it is a long process, but you need to take the legal route. Is it possible to appoint a child's advocate (a lawyer for your son that is impartial to either you or your wife's "side" of the argument?). I know it is expensive, but it may be worth it.

Sam - posted on 04/21/2014

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Jodi;
The hearing is set on May 9 for arraignment I am video taping our exchange because she made false allegation, on Easter Sunday (2 days after what happened at therapist building ) when she let him go he start walking when he made sure that she is not seeing him he start running to me but he turned around to make sure that she is not watching him it is all on tape this wasn't for the first time. I am trying to gain more time with him since we filled to contempt charges all other hearing are on hold and this might take many other months .Your had great question in matter fact she spanked him while I was on the phone with him on march 19 while she was served with contempt charges for spanking him on march 15th ,I was wonder myself why she would do such a thing ? it does not make any sense to me . I am trying to find answers

[deleted account]

If she's ignoring court orders can she not just be arrested? And no, I'm not blaming you or justifying what she is doing. I just don't see the point in keeping him from you when she knows you're going to see him a couple minutes. And no, I'm not saying you deserve it either and why would I put your son in this? This is between you and his mother. Calm down, I'm not making her the victim. Just saying there is 2 sides to every story and a lot doesn't add up. And honestly, it sounds like your coaxing your son to be on your "side". He shouldn't have to choose sides, he's 7, he's a child. This is between his parents and that's how it should stay. He shouldn't be caught in the middle or feel like he's being forced to choose a side.

Jodi - posted on 04/21/2014

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So when are these contempt charges going to be heard and ruled on? Maybe that's what she needs. Have you also filed for custody on the basis of parental alienation? A judge will often reconsider the current court orders if one party is not complying with them.

Sam - posted on 04/21/2014

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woow , first of all we have not file 18 times we filled 18 counts.She keep ignoring court orders and doing what she is doing . my question to you are you blaming me to justify for her bad behavior ? let me repeat what you said "I don't understand why she would pull your son away and prevent him from hugging you, when you were literally going to see him in a couple minutes" then what do you think ? are you saying
it must be me and I deserve it and it must be my son he must deserve it too ?
you just try to make her a victim and she has the right to act that way .thanks

[deleted account]

I'm sorry, but I'm a bit confused. Why in the world did you file contempt charges that many times? Also, she cannot get arrested for spanking, unless it was abuse. I don't believe in spanking my child, but I do the know the difference between spanking and abuse. Also, how come only you and your son are seeing a court ordered therapist? If his mother was really so bad, wouldn't she be ordered therapy as well? I don't understand why she would pull your son away and prevent him from hugging you, when you were literally going to see him in a couple minutes. Of course I don't know your situation, but it seems like you are doing an awful lot to make her life hell.

Sam - posted on 04/19/2014

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She will be formally arraigned in May for 18 charges , I did served her with contempt charges on march 15 and she was spanking him on march 19 while I was on the phone and I did recoded it had the police listen to it and police did inform her with court orders 2 times before and she ignore it. We did not want to file contempt but she kept doing it because she keep winning, I am life coach and I do not believe spanking to love your children or try to stop him running to his father and hug him when he did not obey her she will punish him. My son and I we ask the therapist to help us to get custody and she told us we need to do it steps

Jodi - posted on 04/19/2014

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"I see how much loving mother that you
are and you spank your kids."

Um, no, I don't spank my kids, and I don't agree with spanking. I just asked the question because whether you agree with it or not, it may not actually be against the law to spank. If it is in your court orders that she can't, then that's different, that would be another contempt charge? I'll be honest, I'd flip out if my ex spanked my kid too, but as I said, it isn't against the law, so having him criminally charged would only be possible if he left marks or bruises.

And you've explained one instance of contempt. You said you've filed EIGHTEEN contempt charges. I just think that is over the top. If you have filed that many contempt charges, and they are genuine, why are you not filing for full custody?

Sam - posted on 04/19/2014

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Jodi
My Attorney and I avoided filling contempt but last 2 years she took him 5 times to ER without notifying me while court orders were clear , How do you feel that your husband take your son to ER and he might even die and you don't know about it. Is not harassment it is mother abusing the custody and I see how much loving mother that you
are and you spank your kids. I live in Los Angeles and she lives in orange county and DA did charge her because she keep spanking him I guess you haven't hear how she was spanking him and again she is in violation of court order. The therapist is to help the child because he keep hitting other children at school and he even hit me at Game stop
and I did not spanking him like his mother and guess were he learn to hit people from???
because that what spanking teaching him to do to hit others if he does not get what he wants just like his mom

Truef - posted on 04/19/2014

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This happens alot in divorce cases. If what you are saying is true, then please visit this site for help JforJustice.net.

God bless.

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