Parental Alienation from non-custodial father

Marcia - posted on 12/27/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My almost 13-year old son wants to live with his father's family. While I can see many advantages to the move, I have a mammoth concern that his father is waging an alienation campaign against me and his ultimate plan is to erase me from my son's life. His father has been married to his current wife for 10 years. They have her child from an earlier marriage as well as their two biological children. My household is just myself and my son. I am a working mother.

His father and I live in different states, and the distance between our homes in about 2.5 hours. We are currently co-parenting without a firm visitation schedule. I want my son to have a good relationship with his father, and I support frequent visitation to his dad's home.

I was willing to have him move to his father's home until I learned about the potential of purposeful alienation against me. I started therapy because of my son's hatred toward me and with the plan of us attending sessions together. After my therapist had a session alone with my son, the therapist suspected alientation by his father. My son will start therapy in January with his own person. I must postpone any change in physical custody until I get a determination that there is or is not alienation at work.

My largest challenge is my non-existant relationship with my son. He wants nothing at all to do with me. I am the enemy. He won't even sit down and have a meal with me at the table (but he will visit with me at a restaurant). I can't touch him - no hugs. I realize that about half of his behavior is normal early teen pushback against his mom. I also understand that this would be a good time for him to live with his father because of the common interests between a dad and a son.

I see the long term problems with my son eventually losing complete contact with me due to his father's actions. While I am making my son's life very difficult right now because he is very angry at me for not letting him move, I don't want my son to lose both of his parents in the long run.

Any experience out there with alienation by the non-custodial parent?


View replies by

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2014




My ex is doing the same thing with my 13 year old son. Going to such extents as rewarding him with expensive gifts and privileges for not seeing me and for treating me badly in public. I am at a loss, as it is a very difficult thing to prove, and in the state to TX women do not have the same rights in the courtroom as men. We spent 4 years and $400,000 on a divorce - so everything is gone. I need to go on with life, as our other son who is 15 years old does not succumb to the manipulation. It pains me, though fighting is futile.

Marcia - posted on 12/27/2013




The biggest piece of evidence was my son's sudden change in attitude toward me over Veteran's Day weekend. We had a great visit in the car on the way to see his dad - non stop chatting about this and that for 1.5 hours. Then on the way back to my home, he was sullen and angry. He really, really hated coming back to me. I am not the fun-filled, people-filled home as his father's. He was also using grown up wording such as "when I look at you, the only think that I see is the person who keeps me from living with my dad."

I have also researched the warning signs of parental alienation syndrome, and I can see about four of them in my son. This diagnosis is a tricky call which is why I am getting my son his own therapist in order to investigate the truth in both our households.

Co-parenting is actually a kind way but not accurate way to describe my relationship with my son's father. His answer to everything is for my son to come and live with him. He frequently calls me to tell me what I am doing wrong as my son's mother and again telling me that the solution is always for our boy to live with him. He will not discuss our son's behavior and attitude with me in a way to talk to our son together to tell him that it's not OK to be so mean to mom.

I attempt to co-parent by making sure that my son sees his father and being pro-active in arranging weekend and school break visits. I got my son a cell phone so his father and he can talk any time they want to.

Thanks for asking good questions.

Amy - posted on 12/27/2013




What evidence do you have of parental alienation other than your therapist saying they suspect that. If you are coparenting with the father have you talked to him about your sons behavior and attitude towards you?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms